DD 15yrs shouldn't be disrupting the house having a bath at this time of night?

(82 Posts)
DailyMailDontStealMyThread Wed 09-Nov-16 22:25:40

<sigh> I have 3 DC. Youngest has SN, older two "resent' how we parent him differently to them.

DD 1 is 15 and the typical teenager but I'm at a loss right now. She answers back at every opportunity she is always right as far as she is concerned, thinks she can parent our younger Dc better than me etc

Again tonight she has decided to have a bath now, this really disrupts our youngest light/non sleeper rule is phone out of 15yr old room at 10.30 currently in the bath listening to music.

Youngest trying to sleep, I've been up and down the stairs all night, youngest is 7.

How do I stop this happening every night. There is no calm time. AIBU to expect DD 15 has a bit of empathy of how hard it all is and expect her to think a bit more about what her actions cause?

She won't tidy up the bathroom, leaves bath water and clothes where they are, don't start me on the state of her room. AIBU and expecting to much?

FrancisCrawford Wed 09-Nov-16 22:27:13

Is it the bath or listening to music that is the issue?

A bath after 10pm sounds reasonable, the music isn't.

JinkxMonsoon Wed 09-Nov-16 22:27:39

10pm on a weeknight is far too late to have a bath and listen to music!

PilkoPumpPants Wed 09-Nov-16 22:28:19

I'm confused why it disrupts your youngest child, is she meant to stay in her room while they go to sleep?
The clothes everywhere isn't acceptable. I'd stop washing them until she learns where the dirty laundry bin is.

Shelvesoutofbooks Wed 09-Nov-16 22:28:39

Easy. Turn the boiler off and let her bather in cold water. She'll run out in no time. grin

FrancisCrawford Wed 09-Nov-16 22:29:26

Oh and if course she should leave the bathroom as she found it!

Basic rule for everyone in the house who is old enough to bathe alone.

Bertucci Wed 09-Nov-16 22:31:08

Headphones? Pretty simple solution.

I can't see anything else unreasonable about a 15 year old in the bath at 10.30.

Bertucci Wed 09-Nov-16 22:32:28

Oh and no excuse for not leaving the bathroom tidy etc.

DailyMailDontStealMyThread Wed 09-Nov-16 22:32:52

The bath is the problem, she will leave the water in, shampoo out, clothes on the floor, towels on her bedroom floor.

I don't know if that's acceptable or not.

Turning the boiler off is a brilliant idea but she would kick off and then kick off our youngest with SN...

It's a roundabout if taking the piss.

Her room is disgusting and I give her everything she asks for <dons flame suit>

There's nothing unreasonable about having a bath at this time, but the music is.

Wayfarersonbaby Wed 09-Nov-16 22:34:12

If she won't tidy up the bathroom and leaves things in a mess that's a bit out of order, and she should make sure not to leave stuff for others to sort out. It seems a bit drastic to stop a 15 yo taking a bath in the evening, though - she could turn the music off, but it seems a bit draconian to prevent her from having some freedom over when she has a bath. Can't you negotiate better rules on how she can be less disruptive?

TBH the fact that you acknowledge you parent your youngest differently and the older two resent this is worrying. Yes your youngest may have SN and need slightly different handling, but your post suggests that your other children think there is some kind of major unfairness going on here. Be careful - they may be right. Unbalanced treatment in a family sets up all sorts of nasty resentments and issues for the future, and if you need to do things slightly differently for your youngest, you need to acknowledge the unfairness and make some kind of effort to redress this with you other children. Beware of simply justifying what you're doing without thinking they may have a point. My parents did this and it has caused endless bitterness and heartache throughout the family, and still does. Parents can be very invested in their guilt or anxiety about one particular child to the point of denying that favouritism or the appearance of favouritism does exist; they are also not always the expert on what is best for the family. If you make an effort to listen to your DD's concerns and possibly act on them in some way (eg. taking account of how she thinks you could do things differently with your youngest), this may well save you a horrendous amount of family pain and resentment later on.

BobbieDog Wed 09-Nov-16 22:34:45

Tbh your youngest should not be the focus of the house. Is this a problem in other everyday things were the youngest always has to be considered first?

I think 10.30 is abit too late for a bath. However she should be leaving it as she finds it.

SpookyPotato Wed 09-Nov-16 22:35:02

Not unreasonable to have a bath at that time but shouldn't be playing loud music or leaving it in a state.

GettingitwrongHauntingatnight Wed 09-Nov-16 22:35:15

Its hard but its not her problem and thats a teens mindsethmm bath I think is ok music off or earplugs;

BackforGood Wed 09-Nov-16 22:35:56

I can't really see anything unreasonable in a 15 yr old having a bath after 10 either.
Lovely way to wind down before sleep.
If you share a house, you need to think about how loud you are when others are sleeping, but agin, I don't see that listening to music per se ought to be banned. All your dc have a need to be who they are, and 15yr olds do tend to listen to music a lot.

The leaving the bathroom ready for the next person is a separate issue.

AgathaMystery Wed 09-Nov-16 22:36:37

YANBU.

I'm a night owl but if I had a 7yo trying to sleep and a child with SN i'd expect my 15 yo to act with a bit of sense.

There will be plenty of people who will tell you YABU & she is almost an adult etc etc. But no. It's half ten, no doubt you are all up at 0630- 0700 for school so 8hrs kip and a clean bathroom are not big asks.

As for being a slob, financial penalties?

cece Wed 09-Nov-16 22:36:58

My 15 year old has just got out of the shower, having washed her hair.

My youngest is also 7, with special needs, and a light sleeper.

However, she leaves the bathroom tidy and doesn't play music!

Plus my youngest is now drugged so that he sleeps. The hospital gave me melatonin - is that an option for you? It has saved our sanity!

DailyMailDontStealMyThread Wed 09-Nov-16 22:38:27

pilko DD sits downstairs with me whilst DS tries to sleep upstairs or can go to her room or have a bath earlier.

I suppose my ABU is, it's so late, I'm knackered. DS not sleeping because she is running a bath, I'm tidying behind her, wanting to go to bed. It's knackering. Am IBU am I missing something?

FrancisCrawford Wed 09-Nov-16 22:41:16

Why on earth does she leave the water in?

That's weird.

She can have a bath when she chooses, provided she tidies up after herself in communal areas. So clothes are picked up although I wouldn't bother about the shampoo bottle.

As for her room being in a state - if that is how she wants to live, then leave her to it and shut the door. This means she is responsible for putting dirty clothes in a shared laundry bin, for changing her bed and hoovering etc. Of course the last won't be done, but a bit of dust never killed anyone and it's her living space/squalid hovel.

Pick your battles wisely. And remember how easy it is to shut that bedroom door rather than having a fairly pointless fight over her mess.

clumsyduck Wed 09-Nov-16 22:42:16

I don't know at 15 I wouldn't have been having a bath at that time but that was prob more to do with the hot water would have ran out . I do think it's quite late , I can't remember having a strict bedtime as such at that age but would probably have been expected to be in my room winding down and not disturbing younger siblings . I don't think it's unreasonable to expect that on a school night

Daft question but have you actually told her how much it bothers you ?

FluffyPineapple Wed 09-Nov-16 22:42:22

2 of my teens have been in the bath tonight (not together smile ) Teen 3 is in there at the moment listening to music with headphones. I cant see a problem with teens bathing after 10pm tbh. I'm just glad they are clean smile PS if they leave their clothes over the bathroom floor then that where they will stay until they pick them up

dataandspot Wed 09-Nov-16 22:42:27

In my house this would be a no no because the house is small and the noise of a bath would wake everyone up.

PilkoPumpPants Wed 09-Nov-16 22:43:10

So she can't do anything when your other dc is going to sleep? That seems really unfair. Of course she shouldn't have music on full blast or be making a lot of noise, but it's not her fault your other dc doesn't settle at night.

SporkLife Wed 09-Nov-16 22:44:14

I don't think taking a bath at this time is U, but the music and mess making is, tell her if it's left on the floor it's going to get binned, then follow through if she still does it, don't pick up and sort out after her she's old enough to know what to do.

FrancisCrawford Wed 09-Nov-16 22:46:55

I agree that it isn't fair to refuse to allow her to have a bath at a time of her choosing, rather than earlier to suit her sibling. Having a bath isn't terribly noisy. Well, if you aren't playing music, that is.

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