Man in the ladies loos AIBU?

(333 Posts)
HairsprayBabe Tue 08-Nov-16 16:34:28

First apologies for typos or spelling errors I am on my phone.

I am currently at an even where 95% of the attendees are men. I just went to the ladies and saw a man coming out of the cubicle. I told him politely he should not have been in there. His response was "Fuck of love".

I am annoyed he was in the ladies in the first place but raging he felt he could speak to me like that! AIBU to think that men shouldn't go into the ladies loos?!

TeaBelle Tue 08-Nov-16 16:35:13

He was probably desperate. I do it at work all the time when I need to go.

ConvincingLiar Tue 08-Nov-16 16:37:35

He was an arsehole. If he was desperate he would have apologised rather than swearing at you.

SmilingButClueless Tue 08-Nov-16 16:38:06

He sounds like a charmer hmm

Was there a particularly long queue for the men's? If so, I can sort of understand him nipping into the ladies' room (I know women who have done the opposite on occasion), particularly if he thought it was empty.

But no call for that type of reaction when challenged.

TinklyLittleLaugh Tue 08-Nov-16 16:38:17

I wouldn't be that bothered about a man being in the ladies. I'd be raging at someone speaking to me like that though.

What sort of event is it? Any possibility that you could publicly pick him up on it?

TeacherBob Tue 08-Nov-16 16:38:43

I work with loads of ladies. When we go on courses it is usually mostly women.
Totally not unusual for the women to use the mens and no-one bats an eyelid.

When we saw Billy Joel at Wembley, all queues were womans so they started using the mens. No-one cared.

Out of order speaking to you like that, but you shouldn't have been bothered he was in the ladies too much.
It isn't like it was a public toilet and he was hanging around it.

myfavouritecolourispurple Tue 08-Nov-16 16:39:19

I wouldn't be that bothered about a man being in the ladies. I'd be raging at someone speaking to me like that though

This. I'd use the mens loos more often if I had the nerve when there's a massive queue for the ladies!

Time we had unisex loos and then these situations wouldn't even arise.

Inertia Tue 08-Nov-16 16:39:36

He shouldn't be there, and he shouldn't have spoken to you like that. Is it some kind of professional or work event? Can't imagine his employers would be happy about being represented in that manner if so.

rememberthetime Tue 08-Nov-16 16:39:37

The ladies loo should be the one place in the world where we can feel safe from strange men - god knows there is nowhere else in the world that we are.

HairsprayBabe Tue 08-Nov-16 16:41:36

No queue for the mens that I could see. It is a networking event and I hadn't met the man before.

TheNaze73 Tue 08-Nov-16 16:43:34

Are you certain that he doesn't identify as a woman?

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Tue 08-Nov-16 16:43:40

YANBU. I would be very discomfited to find a man in the ladies. Equally I would generally not use the men's toilets.

PotteringAlong Tue 08-Nov-16 16:43:40

The ladies loo should be the one place in the world where we can feel safe from strange men

He was in a cubicle! How on earth does that make you feel unsafe?!

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Tue 08-Nov-16 16:45:10

He was in a cubicle! How on earth does that make you feel unsafe?!

Nice bit of empathy there hmm Can you genuinely not think of reasons why many women may feel quite vulnerable with their knickers off in an enclosed space with a man?

StealthPolarBear Tue 08-Nov-16 16:45:25

He probably considers himself a woman. What can you do.

Toffeelatteplease Tue 08-Nov-16 16:46:06

Time we had unisex loos and then these situations wouldn't even arise.

This absolutely.

I had to persuade an elderly gent on water tablets that it was fine for him to use the ladies when the mans was out of order. I think he almost would have rather wet himself.

I also have an older lad with SN who can't always wait for the disabled to come free. Would make life so much simpler with unisex.

Gender toilets seem so archaic.

RayofFuckingSunshine Tue 08-Nov-16 16:47:37

He was a twat for his response but I really don't see the problem with him being in the ladies loos. He was in a cubicle, not pissing in the sink.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Tue 08-Nov-16 16:48:15

They are not divided by gender, they are divided by sex.

Personally I have no issue with unisex toilets as long as cubicles have floor to ceiling doors and walls, and as long as they open out into a corridor, rather than an enclosed room with a door.

LivingOnTheDancefloor Tue 08-Nov-16 16:51:55

At an event I would understand people using the other-sex toilets if there is a long queue for one but not the other - annoying but fair enough, women use men's toilet's all the time in this situation.

However, as OP says there was no queue for the men's, then that is just very strange behavior...

SerendipityPhenomenon Tue 08-Nov-16 16:54:59

Did he have a name badge, and did you clock the name? I wouldn't make an issue about him using the Ladies, but I would object quite strongly to "Fuck off love".

HairsprayBabe Tue 08-Nov-16 16:55:22

It may have been busy in the mens loos but it didn't appear as though they were queuing out the door. It is in a hotel and there are lots of loos in the ladies obviously don't know about the mens.
And even if it was just busy, why not just say that?! Why be so rude as if I had no right to ask him?

honkinghaddock Tue 08-Nov-16 16:55:31

I wouldn't have a problem with a man nipping into the ladies if he was desperate. My older son with sn comes into the ladies with me if there is no disabled loo (if the alternative is wetting myself). The way he spoke to you though was unacceptable.

TinklyLittleLaugh Tue 08-Nov-16 16:57:13

See I would be tempted to walk up to him and whoever he is networking with and say, loudly and publicly, "Next time you feel an uncontrollable urge to use the ladies loos, please try to refrain from telling women in there to "fuck off", because, frankly it is quite intimidating and you come across as a bullying twat."

I am crap at networking though: work on my own at home, thank God. grin

shaggedthruahedgebackwards Tue 08-Nov-16 16:58:20


No need for him to be so rude

It annoys we when 95% of the time women have to queue longer than men at public venues to use a loo and we just put up with it but if you go to an event which is dominated by men then some of them seem to think it's acceptable to use the ladies rather than waiting in the queue!

DixieWishbone Tue 08-Nov-16 16:58:20

YANBU to be angry at being spoke to like that. Why couldn't he just say 'Too busy in the men's and I couldn't wait'. That would be understandable. I'd rather someone use the wrong toilets than wet themselves.

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