I work with a woman who is younger and more junior than me but more experienced in many aspects of my job because she's been there longer than I.
This woman has been passive aggressively but unmistakably hostile to me from day one, for reasons I don't fully understand but I feel have a lot to do with her resenting new people and new women in particular. Nothing major enough to take to an HR department, but a catalogue of low level put-downs, bitchery in the office and social exclusion. She has, for example, been very unwilling to allow me to socialise with herself and other (male) colleagues and makes a point of excluding me from after work drinks. She routinely makes remarks to and about me which superficially are "banter" but which are obviously more than that. When I first joined she was openly critical of the quality of my work in certain areas, in quite a harsh way, even though I was totally new to the field.
Initially I was quite intimidated by her but as I've got more experience I've come to realise that she's actually a classic example of someone who has honed a certain set of tasks to perfection and is very good at those but isn't an especially creative thinker. I increasingly resent the way she's made me feel.
More recently, when I was given more responsibility for a client account which she had previously worked with me on, she literally downed tools on the account and just refuses to have anything to do with me, as if she is goading me to put my foot down and ask her to do some work in order for her to then fire back that she won't work for me.
For a long time I have felt I basically have to suck this up, it hasn't been serious enough to justify tackling head on and its been difficult to prove, but its chipped away at my professional self-esteem at a difficult time in my life and irritated me that she had taken against me in such a significant way.
Now I've been asked by my boss to provide feedback in end of year reviews into this woman's performance.
This is a bit of a tricky ethical situation for me and I need to be very careful not to allow it to be a revenge thing for me. There are some genuine professional shortcomings she has which I think the boss has a right to know about (she routinely takes alcohol-related sick days, for example). I could also tell my boss about the recent situation where she has just refused to do any work on this particular account with me.
But I'm also aware that I'm very biased and I don't want to take random pot shots at her which will go onto her professional record for the sake of it, nor to open up a big professional rift in what is an otherwise happy office. This woman is quite vulnerable, (has eating disorders, is a very heavy drinker etc) and I don't want to do something punitive which could ruin her career out of motives which are essentially more about making myself feel better.
How should I handle this? My inclination is to say to my boss that I don't feel able to evaluate her objectively and to let my boss draw her own conclusions. I don't want to totally gloss over everything and tell the boss she is great. But I don't want to stitch her up in order to get my own back either.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
AIBU?
Would I BU to be honest with boss about her? help me through the ethical maze?
31 replies
marzipanmaggie · 07/11/2016 06:34
OP posts:
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.