My family and DH

(9 Posts)
Mikethenight2good Sun 06-Nov-16 19:02:05

Hi,

I come from a family background where the woman do everything in the home and the men work. Men are waitered. In some cases, the women also work and do everything in the home. Family get togethers are women in the kitchen men in the living room.

I married outside my culture, and have always had a 50/50 share of household stuff with hubby. I am currently on maternity leave with our second child and my hubby still does his share, albeit I am doing more currently as home, but we tend to share chores / children stuff between us when we are home.

Ever since I can remember my family always make silly comments about hard done by my husband is. It generally comes from the woman.
"How harsh it is that Mike the knight husband has to come home from work and cook dinner" (he is an ace cook, I am shite. He is a messy pig, I am an ace cleaner. It works).

A few weekends ago I was having a afternoon nap. I has been up during the night with DC2 and it was hubby turn for a lie in. So in the afternoon I had a nap. Unannounced my aunty dropped by with a birthday present for DC1. Hubby mentioned I was asleep, nothing more was said.

Today at a family party, Aunty was telling people that how I has gone off for this nap and leaving hubby to babysit the children (it's being a parent FFS!). I then explained that I had been up in the night with the baby and then up early with our toddler. "Oh Mike the knight, That's part of being a mother ha ha ha, your husband has to go to work".

I am not sure why this bothers me so much but it does!! It also annoys me that hubby never backs me up. I don't want him to justify my existence but he could stop basking in their glory of how wonderful they think he is. Why do I even care so much?!!! It's ridiculous. Their views are so antiquated. It's not like I want their approval but it does make me feel my contribution to our home is meaningless.

Gosh that was long. Thanks for reading!

Softkitty2 Sun 06-Nov-16 19:08:57

They live in the past. They are probably jealous that your dh helps around the house.

I hope you dont let your children be influenced by their sexist thinking.

NavyandWhite Sun 06-Nov-16 19:36:01

Could you tell them that this works for you and your DH? Then change the subject.

redexpat Sun 06-Nov-16 20:13:10

Tell them its none of their fucking business and they can all fuck off back to the 1950s.

Or would that be too much?

Hassled Sun 06-Nov-16 20:17:10

If it's a cultural thing you're not going to change the mindset of the older generation - not if that's what they've grown up with and all they've ever experienced. But you've moved on, your DCs will move on - so change is happening. Meanwhile just smile and nod and enjoy the good points I hope they have.

user1471517900 Sun 06-Nov-16 20:17:40

This is your family right? I think it's harsh to expect your DH to step in against them, as he's probably being polite to his in laws. If it was his own family, I'd agree he should step up.

I (of course) agree that your new family dynamic is more healthy than the old one. Just take heart that you've broken the chain.

user1471517900 Sun 06-Nov-16 20:20:17

One thing, I assume he likes cooking? Just that it's not much of a get out clause to say "I'm rubbish" to get out of cooking (similarly to him with cleaning, also harsh to make you do it all "coz he's a pig"). These are things you can learn. Of course if you like the cleaning and he likes the cooking then this is great - but just to mention that.

Princesspinkgirl Sun 06-Nov-16 22:08:23

I would say well this works for us as a family I'm due Christmas time with baby and don't work but my partner does and this arrangement will continue when baby is born i will cook clean look after other half and baby in return he will work were both more than happy with this arrangement

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 06-Nov-16 22:12:40

when baby is born i will cook clean look after other half and baby in return he will work were both more than happy with this arrangement Did he have to cook, clean and do laundry when he was single with a job and no wife and child? Because I simply do not understand the idea that men acquire a wife and child and suddenly do LESS than they would do as a bachelor with their own place.

I mean whatever floats your boat but I think it's very odd. Of course, we both work so with your system no one would cook, clean or do laundry. Not sure how that would work...

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