Absolutely fuming

(236 Posts)

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AldrinJustice Sun 06-Nov-16 16:28:50

Only posting on here for traffic.

Parked up in a car park and the owners of the car in question had seen me return to the car on my own with a baby on my hip so they obviously could see who was driving it. Was in the car with DD (14month old) Scraped someone's car as I was leaving the car park, owner of car was standing having a chat next to the car with his sister and bro in law. I didn't notice as I left, only noticed the whole family's reaction so I stopped not far from them and got out.

Immediately I realised what had happened and went over to the damage (had to leave DD in car seat) but - and this is what has me angry - the whole family, so that includes owner of car, his sister and her husband start yelling and shouting at me before I've even had a chance to say anything. It was a small scratch to the back bumper of his car.

I apologised yet his sister carries on her Tyrade of verbal abuse, saying horrible things like don't you use your mirrors, are you stupid, and some crap about how I drive a car worth £2k I told the owner to tell her to stop because I'm trying to talk to him and she's getting involved, and the owner says "no, I'm not saying it, you tell her" - all this is happening while my DD is in the other side of the car crying because of the shouting, they can all see her But don't stop. Owner of car wants my details but I said I'll take photos first.

Got back into the car, calmed DD down, called up dad and DH to come help, obviously am shaken at this point. Got back out to take photos but DD started crying again so I take her out on my hip while trying to take photos, family standing there just watching me, owner of car sneers at me and says "did you call the police or something" then laughs.

I finish taking my photos and sit in the drivers seat with DD on my lap and the door open, DH calls me and I answer but then spent the whole phonecall arguing with owners sister who feels like she has to start on me again shouting crap at me about my observation skills! I had to shout back at her this time to tell her to piss off as it's not her car, not her concern, I'm talking to the owner not her.

I've apologised, I stopped, I was going to give my details, I even offered to pay for the damage if they got a quote from the garage, yet again all that was happening was this arsehole of a woman can see I'm on my own with a baby but decides to make this whole ordeal harder for me. Accidents happen. Shit happens. I just do not understand it.

I'm now trying to feed DD a fruit pot as she's roaring hungry, has a dirty nappy but I couldn't change her. DH and dad arrive and DH gets out the car and asks who was shouting, at this point, sister and her husband get into their own car and drive off. Absolute cowards! Dad starts taking photos while DH starts arguing with the owner of the car about why they were all shouting at me but owner now wants to talk about the car and the damage!

Anyway we have exchanged details but is it a bit silly to report this altercation as verbal assault to the police? If I had my DH or someone else with me or at least not had DD with me then at least I wouldn't have been so shaken up but I was on my own and they were a family of 4 adults. I followed the relevant procedure for a RTA and it's not like I drove off. I just don't know what to do I'm so angry and so upset that this has happened. The damage to the cars isn't even a concern anymore like I said I would pay or go through insurance but I'm more upset about how they've gone and spoken to me about the whole thing. The car park was packed so plenty of witnesses but didn't get anyone's contact numbers for statements.

I'm sorry I don't know where I'm going with this post I'm just so upset. Now I have to find out what route's the best to take to deal with the damage but I don't even know where to start with that

AlexaTwoAtT Sun 06-Nov-16 16:33:42

People get upset - quite understandably - when someone damages their car.

Fishface77 Sun 06-Nov-16 16:36:30

Err they do Alexa but it wasn't her car and you don't need to get abusive!

Ywnbu op, however don't count on police doing anything!
Sound like bullies to me!

DorotheaHomeAlone Sun 06-Nov-16 16:38:27

You can feel upset but that doesn't give you the right to yell at someone, especially a woman on her own with a baby. It was an accident.

OP that sounds horrible. I really feel for you.

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach Sun 06-Nov-16 16:39:16

Agree no need for the verbal but my question is how do you not realise you've scraped another car? Did you not hear/feel it?

Apologies if I missed something but I would have thought it was noticeable, not just because of their reaction.

21jumpstreet Sun 06-Nov-16 16:40:25

There's no such thing as verbal assault, what action would you like the Police to take? Horrible situation but it's done now, pass it on to the insurers and let them deal with it.

Bluntness100 Sun 06-Nov-16 16:40:49

I wouldn't report it to the police, no. It's shit and out of line, but it's pointless reporting it.

Helenluvsrob Sun 06-Nov-16 16:41:49

What ever you don't try to deal with it yourself. Passing all to the insurers. Let them have the hassle. You can just imaging the games they'll play can't you ? At the very least they'll want a new bumper. An elderly acquaintance knocked a teeny hole in my bumper with a towing eye ( argh!). She shouldn't be driving and I'm not going to make her pay - she's church mouse poor ... quotes from 150-500 quid!

Trifleorbust Sun 06-Nov-16 16:45:43

Does sound horrible, OP. My advice for next time this happens (if someone is being abusive): explain that you are happy to discuss this further with the owner of the car over the phone unless they are prepared to be civil. Give them your number. Drive off.

JenLindleyShitMom Sun 06-Nov-16 16:46:06

Err why on earth didn't you just hand over your insurance/contact details and leave?

You didn't need your husband and father to come. You can just take photos and leave. You didn't need to sit and argue with anyone.

alwayshappy101 Sun 06-Nov-16 16:46:38

I'm so sorry you had to go through all that with your poor dd watching.It must have been quite upsetting/scary.

Their reaction was very ott.It may be worth reporting the incident to the police.It was completely uncalled for considering it was a small scratch and you stopped and offered to pay them directly or go through insurance.

I hope you are ok,and please don't let them put you off driving-I'm guessing 90 percent of people would have handled it better.flowers

Isitlunchtimeyet Sun 06-Nov-16 16:47:28

I was verbally abused at work by a customer, it was reported to the police and went to court for "causing harassment, alarm and distress"
Mine contained threats of violence though
So you can report it if you want, it is a crime

jerryfudd Sun 06-Nov-16 16:48:45

So if you hadn't noticed their reaction you'd have driven off and left their car damaged? Might be why tempers were so flared

Slowtrain2dawn Sun 06-Nov-16 16:49:09

I'm not surprised you're shaken. They're bullies! Proved by the fact it all stopped when reinforcements arrived! Don't let it get to you, they must have very sad unhappy lives to behave that way.

Ifailed Sun 06-Nov-16 16:49:17

There's no such thing as verbal assault
Bollocks.

why do people get so precious about their cars, anyway?

Racerback Sun 06-Nov-16 16:49:56

If you're grown up enough to drive a car, you should be grown up enough to deal with this sort of thing yourself without boo-hooing to your menfolk.

If someone drove into a stationary car in a car park I'd assume they were a pretty shit driver, tbh. And if they drove into MY stationary car I'd be less than impressed. Not sure I'd go for a 'Tyrade' of abuse, but you'd get fuck all sympathy simply because you had a kid with you.

Trifleorbust Sun 06-Nov-16 16:53:04

Racer: The OP may or may not be a questionable driver. Hardly the issue. It is unacceptable to lay into someone in the way she describes. I would honestly have left them my mobile number and then driven away.

Racerback Sun 06-Nov-16 16:53:24

why do people get so precious about their cars, anyway?

It's not the scratch on the bumper - it's knowing there's yet another driver out there who can't steer/see/judge distances and doesn't think it's a big deal.

You'd be less relaxed if it was your foot being run over by an oblivious driver. Or your child.

AldrinJustice Sun 06-Nov-16 16:56:05

Didn't want to drive off and for anyone to say I'd done a hit and run, didn't feel the scrape as it was at the corner of my and and the corner of his so not a huge kinetic impact, it was basically clipped but no I wouldn't have noticed it and that's me being honest. It's my first major accident so I didn't know. I called dad for help with the procedure and DH was with him anyway. When I was being yelled at for something which I've apologised for and said I was going to sort it out but obviously had a crying baby to attend to, not an ideal situation and I just couldn't do it, just needed someone to either take DD or take details and photos without the others getting involved, couldn't do all that on my own without being harassed I really did try! Close to breaking down but I wasn't going to lose face in front of them

bookbuddy Sun 06-Nov-16 16:56:44

Not that long ago a couple of streets away a driving instructor and his pupil were really hurt after a collision not actually from the collision but from the driver of the other vehicle! It's disgusting how angry people get over cars I can't understand it. Accidents happen you have insurance no one was hurt what's the big deal? Let karma deal with them. flowers

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom Sun 06-Nov-16 16:56:53

The tirade of abuse was obviously uncalled for but I'm at a loss as to how you scraped the car in the first place & also didn't actually realise you had done so until you saw the reaction of the owners of said car? hmm Perhaps you need to pay a little more attention to driving in future OP.

AlexaTwoAtT Sun 06-Nov-16 16:56:59

As I said, they were reacting to what had happened. If it had not happened, you would not have had to listen to the tirade.
It is infuriating when another driver hits your car. Sorting out the insurance afterwards is no end of hassle even if you are the victim.
Grrrrrr

user1478450549 Sun 06-Nov-16 16:57:10

Anyway we have exchanged details but is it a bit silly to report this altercation as verbal assault to the police?

Yes, you would be. And it would look like you only did so because they stopped you from driving off after damaging their car. Three of them, one of you, no proof of what you claim so what do you expect to happen? They can't be prosecuted.
You need to toughen up a bit.

CalleighDoodle Sun 06-Nov-16 16:58:10

You could have written down you name and number plate, taken the photos and told them to contact their insurance company and drove off.

You made it ridicukous faffing around feesif gour child abd arguing. Theres was clearly No reasoning wirh them.

AldrinJustice Sun 06-Nov-16 17:00:01

Racer if someone bumps into your brother's car (not even yours) but stops to give details and apologise would you yell at them? I've 10+ years on my licence no claims so I'm assuming by your standards no one in your world is allowed to have an accident? Shit driver or not this stuff happens doesn't it? Or are you saying it doesn't?

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