Livid with MIL

(125 Posts)
Chocness Sat 05-Nov-16 21:03:15

Background to this is that I have a 18 month old DS who I thank my lucky stars has always been a good sleeper. His current sleep pattern is:

Wakes 6.30am
Naps 10-12.30 ish
Naps 4-5.30 ish
Bedtime at 8pm. Sleeps through most nights with the exception of illness/teething etc

His room has a blackout blind up at the window and we close his door when he goes to bed. His room is dark but not pitch black to the point he can find his own dummy or lovey when needed. He normally wakes up a happy chappy, normally humming or chatting to himself which is when we go and get him out of bed.

Today MIL comes over and announces that she is worried and has been having sleepless nights about DS sleeping in a pitch black room. She is concerned that he is waking up disorientated and scared in addition, that as she has never heard of a toddler sleeping so much during the day that we are leaving him to lay in his bed in the pitch black unnecessarily. I could have swung for her.

I am not the most confident of mothers and these remarks have really bothered me. Aside from asking you AIBU to tell her to mind her own business fuck off I'm concerned that my DS may have something wrong with him to still have these long naps. Aside from not talking much DS is meeting all his development milestones and is an energetic and mostly happy toddler (with the exception of the odd tantrum!).

AIBU and should I be concerned about the length of his naps?

2014newme Sat 05-Nov-16 21:04:56

No. Black out blinds are brilliant. We had a travel one to take on holiday when ours were babies.

BratFarrarsPony Sat 05-Nov-16 21:05:26

YANBU every baby is different and as you say he is fine and happy then tell her (politely) to butt out.

2014newme Sat 05-Nov-16 21:05:28

Just laugh and say goodness you have some funny ideas.

calilark Sat 05-Nov-16 21:05:45

Ignore her! My DD has dark room with closed door and blackout blind - she'd never sleep without the blind! He sounds like he's just fine

DartmoorDoughnut Sat 05-Nov-16 21:05:48

Sounds awesome to me!

Think this might be a case of "nod & smile" and then find her a hobby so she doesn't have time to worry!

Inthenick Sat 05-Nov-16 21:06:50

She's an idiot. And very unreasonable.

Marylou2 Sat 05-Nov-16 21:06:53

If it ain't broke, don't fix it. You sound like you have it all under control, apart from your crazy MIL.

NapQueen Sat 05-Nov-16 21:07:16

Well it works for you and, more importantly, ds. So she can but out.

There are actual genuine world issues she can lose sleep over if that is her style.

Just repeat ad nauseum "it works for ds"

Nurszilla Sat 05-Nov-16 21:08:29

They are quite long but some kids just love sleeping. DD still had 1 nap at almost 3 which was apparently quite strange, however she is a happy little girl who is developing exactly as she should be.

I guess it depends whether you are leaving him to cry himself to sleep or whether he is going down happily? It's your choice either way but perhaps MIL is worried that he's being shut in a dark room to scream himself to sleep. I must admit I wouldn't be comfortable with that although I appreciate it works well for some families.

ummizoomi Sat 05-Nov-16 21:08:36

She's just an ignorant bitch stuck in the old days. Probably feels a bit useless too seeing how well u r doing. Fuck her.

LifeLong13 Sat 05-Nov-16 21:10:17

Kick her in the vag. You're doing great

Allthewaves Sat 05-Nov-16 21:11:40

Ds1 was still having 3hr plus naps until he started school (and even an hour after school quite often)

MumInBrussels Sat 05-Nov-16 21:12:07

I have a 15-month-old who doesn't sleep well and never has. Your son sounds amazing and I am jealous. I can't imagine an unhappy baby or toddler just lying there quietly in the dark if they were unhappy - mine would certainly let us know by yelling!

The amount he's sleeping doesn't sound problematic to me. He'll probably drop to one longer nap at some point soon, so the transition might be a bit rougher. But I don't think you have anything to worry about, you sound like a lovely mum with a happy child and, sadly, a bitch of a MIL with too much time on her hands.

Thatznotmyname Sat 05-Nov-16 21:12:13

I've read it's bad for babies sight not to sleep in the dark so you carry on. As Long as hes happy that's all that matters

SandunesAndRainclouds Sat 05-Nov-16 21:12:59

Tell her that DS sleeps perfectly well in his current environment. Maybe she should adapt hers to something similar to avoid sleepless nights?

MIL told my DD recently not to sit near a door, she'd catch a chill from the draught. "Viruses cause colds, not draughty rooms" was out of my mouth before it was in my head....

Singlemum1985 Sat 05-Nov-16 21:14:16

YANBU - my DS (now 6) has always slept in pitch black and still does now and he's always slept loads - he still has a nap now on a weekend if he can fit one in hahaha.

I once asked the doctor about sleeping so much and he said all children are different, some need more sleep than others and he'll only sleep as much as he needs!

Honestly OP your doing a great job and don't let her comments undermine you xx

CurtainsforRonnie Sat 05-Nov-16 21:14:30

You are doing great with those times.

My DD - toddler, still has a nap sometimes.

You will get more confident. I look back and cant believe some of the shit I put up with. Then I changed!

Im told Im stressy now & they have to tread on eggshells.

No, I got a backbone & they dont like it shock

Keep doing what works for you & baby. Thats what matters.

tell MIL to get a blackout blind, so she can catch up in the day, from her sleepless nights

newmumwithquestions Sat 05-Nov-16 21:15:28

Those naps sound fantastic. Perhaps it's a generation thing - DM told me I shouldn't have blackout blinds for DD, that I needed a nightlight on all night for her, that I shouldn't let her nap for as long (she's 2 and has a 2-3 hour nap) and that I should be putting her to bed earlier. Considering it took us a year to get her to nap I'm happy with our routine and have no intention of changing anything! It grates that she challenges everything rather than supporting me but I have no intention of changing anything.

dailymaillazyjournos Sat 05-Nov-16 21:16:32

Ignore her. As others have said, it works for you and DS. He obviously loves his kip. DGD at 14 months has similar naps (about 1 hour in a.m and around 2 hours int he pm.) She always has been one for a good nap. Her room also pitch black and door shut. Totally nothing wrong with that. You are supposed to sleep in a dark room. Your DS doesn't sound like your MIL needs to be laying awake worrying about and as she presumably isn't there when he wakes up, has no idea how he is when he wakes up! Grrrrrr.

PurpleCrazyHorse Sat 05-Nov-16 21:16:39

Sounds marvellous, DS is 16mo and has one nap at 10:30am for about an hour and a half. He still wakes 3-4 times a night but won't nap in the afternoon despite being obviously tired.

You seem to be doing brilliantly with a happy child.

woodwaj Sat 05-Nov-16 21:16:46

Our routine is similar except we dont have the afternoon nap and DS goes to bed at 7 (in the dark!!) My DM has made comments about a nightlight but i think its unnecessary. He isnt scared and i dont want to encourage it. We still use the monitor and get him in the morning as soon as he wakes

Ignore her!

mygorgeousmilo Sat 05-Nov-16 21:17:05

My kids all have blackout blinds....she is a twit

firawla Sat 05-Nov-16 21:17:59

It's horrible when mils do this, "having sleepless nights" etc - as though you're doing a terrible job with your dc and they care soo much more, especially over quite minor issues or something that's not really a problem! Mine also has the tendency to do this and it winds me right up (e.g, she came over unannounced the other day as I was in the middle of cooking dinner. The next day she phoned me that she was so worried because she hadn't seen me making meat, kids will get ill etc etc! hmm )

Black out blinds are recommended these days aren't they and if it's working for ds I don't see the issue, or that it's any of her business! I did think 2 naps is probably above average at that age but TBH a lot of those who have 1 nap sleep earlier. I think mine at that age would have had 1 nap but then be wiped out by about 6.30 - they all have their own routines and I would have thought your dses is fine!

ExcuseMyEyebrows Sat 05-Nov-16 21:20:18

Idiot? Ignorant bitch? Kick her in the vag?

Jesus wept hmm

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