MIL saying our wedding isnt 'fair'

(272 Posts)
5432112345 Sat 05-Nov-16 15:54:22

Hi all

Just want to check im not being unreasonable as (future) MIL said myself and DP are.

We've decided to only invite immediate family to our wedding ceremony - DP and I both in agreement. MIL is suggesting that it is unfair as my immediate family is bigger than DPs.

The invite list for my side is: GP x2, parents x2, 3 siblings plus 2 SIL.
For DP: 1 x GP, parents x 2, bro and SIL.

MIL suggested it should be equal numbers on both sides and we should invite her sis and BIL ( I've met once for 2 minutes in 8 years) plus others. I think it shouldnt be about numbers and think it would be 'unfair' to invite some aunts and uncles and not others.

AIBU? Thank you

YvaineStormhold Sat 05-Nov-16 15:55:49

No, you're not. She is.

It's your wedding, you should invite who you want.

If she doesn't like it, she can lump it.

She's had her wedding. This is yours.

Chasingsquirrels Sat 05-Nov-16 15:55:54

No YANBU.

PuntasticUsername Sat 05-Nov-16 15:55:59

It's your wedding, invite whoever you and your DP want! And I think immediate family on both sides is perfectly fair anyway.

willconcern Sat 05-Nov-16 15:56:20

No, YANBU.

Stick to your guns.

At my wedding there were more of FP's immediate family because, like you , he simply has more.

ProfYaffle Sat 05-Nov-16 15:57:42

YANBU. Dh and I did the same, he has 2 siblings I have none. Numbers for my side of the family were obviously smaller than his but my parents didn't suggest bringing random friends or distant relatives to 'make up the numbers' confused

Finola1step Sat 05-Nov-16 15:58:10

We had a similar wedding. Invited just close family members. Had slightly more on DH's side. That's the way the cookie crumbles.

Stick to your plans. But it is your DP who needs to have this conversation with his mum.

Ginslinger Sat 05-Nov-16 15:58:35

do you have any aunts or uncles? If you do and you're not inviting them then it's fair enough not to invite your DP's aunt - is he fond of his aunt?

QuiteLikely5 Sat 05-Nov-16 15:58:53

You get the final say but then isn't your dp close to his aunt? Mil obv a wants her own sister to see her sons wedding.

Do you have any aunts that your mum really loves?

DontTouchTheMoustache Sat 05-Nov-16 15:58:54

Stick to your rules, like you say it's not about numbers (as long as dp is happy with set up). My sister only invited parents so I didn't get an invite but then my dad didn't realise and invited my brother and I ended up being the only one not invited and I was gutted. So if some uncles are invited and not others then it could lead to people being upset. If dp is not that close to this uncle either then it's just your mil throwing her dummy out and forgetting that it's not about her it's about what you two want

Geretrude Sat 05-Nov-16 15:59:27

YANBU. It's your wedding, not hers

DeleteOrDecay Sat 05-Nov-16 15:59:48

YANBU, your wedding, your rules.

MycatsaPirate Sat 05-Nov-16 16:02:16

yanbu.

Dp and I were considering doing the same sort of thing. His parents are dead and he only has one sister and BIL. She has 3 kids who are grown up and they all have kids as well. I have both my parents alive plus three sisters and their partners and kids.

I worked out that just inviting the above group would amount to 35 people!! I have no idea how we could cut the numbers at all.

5432112345 Sat 05-Nov-16 16:02:33

I have plenty of aunts/ uncles cousins etc that wouldnt be invited to the ceremony.

DP has seen this aunt three times in 8 years, twice for funerals and the time I mentioned above, so no!

5432112345 Sat 05-Nov-16 16:04:56

He has other aunts/uncles on his dads side that he sees more but still only once a year at christmas. if anything I am closer to my extended family than he is to his.

EnoughAlready43 Sat 05-Nov-16 16:06:19

God - she's very overbearing isn't she?
its your wedding. She had her go 100 years ago, so she can fuck off now.
Poor you. sounds like you got the quintessential cunty MIL from the lucky dip.
Be firm, otherwise you'll resent this.

Kr1stina Sat 05-Nov-16 16:07:12

Your MIL isn't being fair as she only had 2 children and your mother had 4. She should have planned ahead if she wanted to get her money's worth out of any future family weddings.

And why haven't your finances brother and SIL had kids yet ? How unreasonable of them , because that would have evened up the numbers.

MrsJayy Sat 05-Nov-16 16:07:30

No yanbu mil did this with my wedding we had immediate family an an aunt invited to the ceremony mil said no fair as her side was small Dh let her invite a few friends he called Aunt / uncle to make up her side I was not happy about it . say no op

chickychickyparmparm Sat 05-Nov-16 16:08:12

It's not game of sport, you don't need equal numbers on each side.

YANBU.

DartmoorDoughnut Sat 05-Nov-16 16:08:42

If your DP doesn't care then you don't have to YANBU

Kittenrush Sat 05-Nov-16 16:10:11

Urgh no way, you are totally right and she is being really quite petty. I'd get DP to point this out though if I were you, to avoid conflict. His mum, his responsibility!

lalalalyra Sat 05-Nov-16 16:14:13

No, she's being daft. It's not about numbers, it's about relationships. You've drawn a line at immediate family and that is fair.

It's hardly 'fair' on your Aunts and Uncles, and your FIL's siblings (if he has any) if one Aunt is chosen over the rest to be invited.

Stick to your guns. It's not like you've got 55 people coming to their 5 ffs. It's 2 siblings and their partners.

AttilaTheMeerkat Sat 05-Nov-16 16:14:36

No you are not being unreasonable. Your DP needs to speak to his mother.

BTW how does he get along with her, is he at heart afraid of her and even now seeks her approval?.

Herschellmum Sat 05-Nov-16 16:16:37

She's is being U.

I'll say this though, I am an only child. Husband is one of 4, so his family is sizeably bugger than mine, but I think growing up an only child I am closer to more extended family, like my mothers auntie I have fairly close to, one of my dads sisters I'm also friendly with. I also have friends who treated me like family.

So I would have invited people I felt close to, like my auntie and a few my parents friends who were like family to me. Whereas my husband is really not in contact much with his extended family.

However, sounds like it is who your MIL wants rather than who your husband wants so I'm totally with you.

YvaineStormhold Sat 05-Nov-16 16:18:44

I had this with my late XMIL, OP.

Seriously, put your foot down now. She tried to take over the whole wedding, at one point screeching at me "THIS IS MY ONLY WEDDING!" (her two dds were disabled).

Total nightmare. You need your fiance to tell her where to get off.

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