To feel upset with DH

(7 Posts)
JayDot500 Fri 04-Nov-16 21:38:19

Okay, so here's the thing. We've been invited to a wedding, but the couple are already married (due to some technicality they decided to get married sooner rather than later). The bride is someone I hold dear to me, she is like a sister (we are related). DH says he doesn't want to go now because it's not a real wedding.

It's abroad and tbh it will cost a bit but we can afford it and I thought it makes a nice excuse for a family holiday with just us/my family (the last three holidays have been with my in-laws). DH has not only decided he doesn't want to go with me, he's decided he's going on holiday with his family. I don't want to make this about his family but they are all very close and while it's fine to have holidays with them, I was hoping this would finally be one with my family. They aren't really tied to anyone but each other so in DH's defence he probably feels obliged to carry on as normal, but I don't feel this is healthy for a marriage.

There's so much to say, but where else to go with this....

I'm very disappointed in him. Don't know how to feel. I'm angry and yes I see his point but then I can't getting over the fact I feel let down. I'm unsure if I can even go now since I left booking until the last minute and prices are high. I have a young DS so although it's one ticket, it's a long way from home alone. I'll have some family going but they're already sorted for accommodation.

I feel ill have to talk to the bride and I feel like telling her the whole truth but that may cause resentment.

Sorry if I've me no sense but I'm so mad right now and purposefully left things out to not out me.

AIBU/WWYD/baabaablacksheephaveyouanywool?

Sparlklesilverglitter Fri 04-Nov-16 21:41:40

I don't know if I would travel to another country to see a wedding for people that are already legally married.

I'd go alone and be fine with DH going away with his family instead

3 holidays with your in laws and he's refusing one trip with your family? YANBU. The wedding is a red herring. I would understand his annoyance if they'd already had a big wedding which you had spent money on but I'm getting the feeling that's not the case and they had a quick registry office do for paperwork reasons.

He just doesn't want to go on holiday with your family.

wysiwyg16 Fri 04-Nov-16 21:53:51

I got 'legally' married before my actual abroad wedding as it was much less hassle than getting a translator etc...

Did you go to their first wedding? Did anyone? Or was it just for legal reasons?

JayDot500 Fri 04-Nov-16 21:57:10

statiscally That's exactly what it was. No frills. It was so sad because this is a woman who'd always planned her wedding from childhood. She's known her DH longer than I've known mine, so this isn't any passport type wedding (just in case people wondered). So it's a very sensitive issue for me, I just imagined her there and cried. I can't even bring myself to ask about the day. I think you are right. He doesn't want to go. It makes me now feel like a fool for submitting myself so freely to his family holidays. While I have no problem going with his family (we have fun), this is making me bitter.

She is very much looking forward to her 'proper' wedding day. I really don't want to let her down but it's looking likely blush

I would be telling DH to bugger off tbh, he doesn't get to spend money on another holiday with his family at the expense of you going to this. It's important to you. You've done 3 "important to him" holidays. Your turn.

JayDot500 Fri 04-Nov-16 22:03:23

That's the thing. I honestly feel it wouldn't be as bad if he was staying home and working. It's the going away, but elsewhere, thing.

We will end up talking about this, I can't usually say much when mad but I never can hold it in. He needs to know how I feel. And I feel like knowing what led to his decision and is this what I should always expect...

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