To think that funerals are not news, and shouldn't be in the fucking paper?

(16 Posts)
WheresMaHairyToe Fri 04-Nov-16 20:24:44

I've seen pics of funerals before and clicked past, thinking nothing more than "that's a bit intrusive."

Last week lost someone close to me, very sudden. I found out by seeing it on the paper's fb feed, which was a cruel shock in the first place. I was contacted by the family about 2 hours later. Social media is faster.

The funeral was very difficult. Awful. And there are pictures of it splashed across social media and the paper. I am furious at the fucking vulture behaviour. How can you just stand there and photograph people's grief? "Interviews" saying that friends and family are devastated (ooh, shocker!) and would like their privacy respected... How about doing that?

How is it in the public interest? It was bad enough, but to read comments by the barely-knew-her, and all the salacious details spread out in all their gossipy glory, this feels like an invasion. Pictures of her fucking coffin? Filthy, soulless bastards.

angry

Pettywoman Fri 04-Nov-16 20:28:34

Unless it's a famous person or a genuine news story like a major crime it should be limited to a few lines in obituaries. It should be sensitively handled in case loved ones read it.

Pettywoman Fri 04-Nov-16 20:29:29

flowers I'm sorry for your loss.

rainyinnovember Fri 04-Nov-16 20:30:19

Press are scum, to be fair.

MaitlandGirl Fri 04-Nov-16 20:41:05

A friend of DP was murdered a few years ago and the local newspaper ran some awful bits about how she'd basically led him on (she was killed by her recently dumped boyfriend).

Despite the reports the newspaper still thought it was acceptable to send a photographer and reporter to the church for her funeral.

It was awful sad

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Fri 04-Nov-16 20:45:28

Fucking vultures.

Sorry for your loss flowers

Sugarcrystal2002 Fri 04-Nov-16 20:50:02

As someone who used to work for a local paper, ours only went to funerals with either the invite or permission of the family involved. I'm not saying this is the case for every paper as it's up to the editor's discretion. Normally though its just high profile cases or people who are well known/respected in the community.

WheresMaHairyToe Fri 04-Nov-16 20:53:03

They were not invited. Family requested privacy.

Thank you for flowers.flowers I recognise my anger as disproportionate, I've been angry about a lot of things this week.

FWIW, it was an accident, nobody's fault.

Puddington Fri 04-Nov-16 21:00:03

FWIW I certainly don't think your anger is disproportionate. flowers

grizzlybloomers Fri 04-Nov-16 21:02:18

flowers

I think you have a right to be angry! God knows you are all suffering enough without the media adding to the pain. Everyone involved must know what it's like to lose someone (or they will one day). Is this what they would want for themselves? If only some people would put themselves in other people's shoes.

galaxygirl45 Fri 04-Nov-16 21:13:22

My DD is 18 and one of her school friends was killed horrifically in an accident last week - within hours it was plastered all over FB and people were writing on this persons wall without even stopping to think had their family been told yet. I found it really upsetting, and people have been posting photos of the scene of the accident and flowers left etc. And I found it very distasteful when This Morning was broadcast from the church on the morning of Denise Robertsons funeral. Funerals are events for family and loved ones to say goodbye, they are not social events, can be very harrowing at the best of times, and it angers me hugely when they are photographed and put in the press. I feel we've lost all sense of propriety these days sadly. Nothing is taboo.

BarryTheKestrel Fri 04-Nov-16 21:47:01

A work colleague of mine died suddenly of a heart attack last week, very young (27). I found out from a Facebook post when I left work, 2 of his cousins, who he was relatively close to, commented on it in shock as they hadn't been told yet. What a horrible way to find out. Having it plastered all over the paper would be horrendous. So intrusive to family and friends struggling at such a tough time. flowers

raspberrysuicide Fri 04-Nov-16 21:48:50

Someone died at dh's work one night and it was on Facebook before the family were told.

ErrolTheDragon Fri 04-Nov-16 21:55:17

flowerssorry for your loss. That's disgraceful behaviour by the media.

There was (and maybe is still on broadcast media ) that if there was some newsworthy death eg soldier or bad accident, they would never reveal the name till after the family had been informed. Online media should adopt this basic decency and courtesy.

CotswoldStrife Fri 04-Nov-16 21:55:42

YANBU. Photographs of distressed mourners - who would be interested in that? Yet papers print them or put them online. Very intrusive and unnecessary. It does feel as if we have lost the art of giving people a bit of space sometimes.

SemiNormal Fri 04-Nov-16 22:01:05

FWIW I certainly don't think your anger is disproportionate. - I agree.

A friend of mines sister took her own life beginning of this year, my brother worked with her and found out very soon after she was found as he'd previously lived with her (just as friends). The police informed his workplace. Sadly that meant lots of inconsiderate people posting straight away on Facebook, it really annoyed me because it's always highly likely that at least one or two close family members haven't been able to be contacted straight away as they're at work, on holiday etc. It always feels to me like people post on Facebook as a kind of 'I knew first' kind of thing, and yes, very gossipy and distasteful. I've thankfully never had to experience the press at any funerals I've attended, I didn't even know it was a 'thing' unless the person was famous/infamous. Sorry you've had to go through all this OP.

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