To not be enjoying being a mum right now?

[laurzj82]

My DD 2.7 has always been 'spirited' but the last couple of weeks have been a nightmare. Constant tantrums, doesn't listen etc etc. At my wits end because I literally don't know what I'm doing wrong. Ftm and dont have many friends with kids so little experience in handling behaviour. Don't know if I'm too strict, not strict enough. I'm constantly fretting about whether she's getting enough stimulation or we're getting out enough etc etc.

Life is hectic right now as OH is working abroad and hasn't been here since Aug. Not back until Xmas. Could this be affecting her behavior. As well as being a SAHM I'm also studying PT. My mum is in hospital and have no one who can help out with childcare so just feeling a bit frazzled.

Don't know what I want from this post really but maybe some tips that helped with the tantrums or just someone to tell me it gets easier!

Thanks in advance

[ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba]

You do sound overwhelmed and also as if you expected to much of yourself, so not surprising that you are not enjoying being a mum right now.

I don't know if you feel guilty/bad because you try to live up to someone else's expectations or because you are simply to tired & fed up.
Either way I suggest you slow down, breathe and stop questioning if you are a good enough mum.

You are. Tomorrow do one thing you need to do & one thing you fancy doing.
Or sod it all, have a Cebeebies & hot choc day curled up under a duvet with your girl. Just take it easy & relax. If she sees you being less stressed she's bound to calm down a bit.
Does this help?

[bumsexatthebingo]

What tends to set off the tantrums? At that age you just need to offer comfort but maintain the boundary imo. So if you are saying no to something it stays a no but sympathise with the disappointment and offer a hug. If shes lashing out then I would either hold her hands/feet to protect yourself or put her somewhere safe to calm (not sure if that's relevant). It will pass once she is older and develops different ways to cope with disappointments and frustrations and her vocabulary is larger. For now are there any activities you enjoy that seem to lead to less tantrumming?

[missymayhemsmum]

Er yes, her dad being away will affect things. When things change for a small child they generally kick off, push boundaries and generally make your life hell for a bit. Hold firm and she'll calm down.

Advice for tantrums...don't give in to a tantrum, ever. Give in to polite requests, and reasoned persuasion, but tantrums don't get results. As a result, smart kids catch on and grow out of it. Some children can be distracted from a tantrum, some can't. Obviously when a kid has totally lost it they need a hug as soon as they want one.

Try to avoid your child being overtired and hungry. Give her lots of fresh air, but don't worry about 'enough stimulation'.

It probably doesn't matter too much whether you are too strict or not strict enough if you are consistent. If your dd has age-appropriate rules that are the same as they were yesterday and lots of affection she'll be fine.

Go and find yourself some toddler groups and let your dd play with some other kids while you have a catch up with some mums and see how badly other children behave.

It's a tough stage. they tip into complete rage and frustration over everything at that age and you can't reason with them. Being eyeball to eyeball with a 'spirited' 2 year old and nobody else is a bloody awful way to spend the day, so give yourself a cheer when you get through to bedtime. I'm sure you are doing fine, and yes, it does get better, because if you carry on treating her as if she is growing into a reasonable person eventually she will.

[IMissGrannyW]

Great posts so far, lots of good thinking.

I have LOADS of advice (I deliver parenting courses, so I know the theory, if not the practice....)

Can you give some specific examples? It would be easier to give suggestions if we know the things that are actual triggers and what the behaviours look like.

[Butlerbabyno2]

I feel exactly the same as you OP my LO has just turned 3 and I feel like I spend all my time telling him off at the minute - mainly for not listening and tantrums. No advice, just wanted to share you are not alone x