Face timing

(12 Posts)
CmbmX2 Thu 03-Nov-16 20:25:58

First time post please be gentle confused

I have recently separated in July '16, & have a 2yo dc. Currently dc spends 50:50 time with me and ex. To date every evening ex requests facetime with dc. So far I've agreed but now I feel it's becoming too stressful on top of mediation and lawyers. AIBU to try and stop?

19lottie82 Thu 03-Nov-16 20:27:46

Why is it stressful?

legotits Thu 03-Nov-16 20:29:01

You have 50% time but out of that evening time too?

How is DC coping and was it for DC it started?

CmbmX2 Thu 03-Nov-16 20:32:34

History of EA, gaslighting & ongoing disputes about just about everything.

DC has been and is fine thankfully. Always more interested in playing than speaking on phone.

Face time goes both ways to each of us & it'd be to think about stopping altogether not just cutting off ex. If that makes sense?

BigFatTent Thu 03-Nov-16 20:33:12

Do you face time when dc is with your ex? Every day dc is with you could be seen as unfair if your ex has dc half the time and if you are not intruding on their time together in the same way.

How was your relationship and subsequent split? Is this controlling behaviour or a genuine need to have daily contact?

Sweets101 Thu 03-Nov-16 20:35:11

I think stopping face timing as you share 50/50 care sounds very sensible and perfectly reasonable

legotits Thu 03-Nov-16 20:36:52

I would agree then. Slowly withdraw one night each and if it goes smoothly knock it off.

It will be hard enough doing care between you without that.

CmbmX2 Thu 03-Nov-16 20:37:50

Yeah FaceTime is both ways though always initiated by ex.

I feel it's controlling....

BigFatTent Thu 03-Nov-16 20:37:57

Cross post.

I suspected EA as I was in exactly the same situation. Ex wanted to intrude on my life daily and it was stressful for me. At that time he had less actual contact but it wasn't about dc, for sure. If you are happy to limit your face time for the sake of your sanity then you should do that. No court would insist on daily face time for a 2 year old when there is that much real contact.

missmollyhadadolly Thu 03-Nov-16 20:39:35

Of course YANBU OP. You need to concentrate on DD when you have her and not worry about facilitating FaceTime access.

Your ex has DD 50 % of the time so it's not as if he is missing out.

This is a way for him to maintain control over you. I would stop allowing this immediately.

CmbmX2 Thu 03-Nov-16 22:30:00

Thank you everyone. 😘

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad Thu 03-Nov-16 22:34:14

My ex did this although it was Skyping because we didn't have FaceTime in those days. I just went with it and eventually he got bored. It was about control .. try and rise above it, show it doesn't bother you and hopefully he'll get bored of it when it's not having any effect.

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