Hi
Long time reader, first time poster! Don't really know who to talk to about this and I need some perspective please.... (bit of a read - sorry).
About 12 years ago my marriage went through a rough spot and my DH had an affair. I threw him out, he was distraught, I was distraught, the kids were distraught. We decided to try again - had counselling, made more effort etc and actually we have made a good go of it. Things aren't perfect but we learnt from it, put it behind us and moved on.
At the time I confided in one friend and my sister. I found out last week that the so called friend (who I haven't seen in a while as she moved away) had told the group of women I tend to socialise with most. Apparently, she has told them all individually over the years but it has obviously come up in conversation recently and they decided that I needed to know that they all knew.
TBH, I kind of assumed they did know but as I had never brought it up, they were considerate enough not to either. Also, I only knew a couple of them and not very well at the time of the affair and only got to know them well in the last 4 - 5 years.
It's not that they know that has upset me, it's the fact that they decided that I should know that they know, and that it's "better for everyone" that it is out in the open (about them knowing). It was done a pseudo tough love kind of a way and I was completely blindsided by it. Afterwards, one of the friends sent a message on our group chat, that was obviously not intended for the group chat saying "did you tell her we all know :-) :-) :-)"
I felt like I had been set up and that they were laughing about it.
I had some messages the next day, a couple apologising and admitting that they had overstepped the mark - one reiterating that it was best that it was all out in the open and could now be discussed.
So far, I haven't responded and have deleted numbers etc. - do I ditch them permanently? I have quite a few friends but no other groups of friends and I do like being in a group. But then again, I would never be able to trust, let alone share anything private.....
Think I have answered my own question really....
AIBU?
To dump these friends
nicknamenovice · 03/11/2016 09:43
YANBU
This is your marriage they're carelessly and casually discussing. It's not a topic that needs to be "whatsapped" about within a group of friends 
They need to be more respectful and mature.
These people aren't your friends. They aren't treating you the way friends would if they cared anything about you, ditch them and move on. 
Thanks very much for your comments. They mean a lot - been feeling really down about it all this week. These things shouldn't happen, let alone when you're in your 40s FFS!
I've also been thinking about the woman that told me - she said some other stuff about how I wasn't happy, had low self esteem and didn't love my husband. She has just split up with her partner and I think she is very unhappy but putting on a brave face and rather than own up to her own unhappiness she is deflecting onto me. With me out of the way, she will no doubt start on someone else. I think I'm better off out of it.
On the plus side, thinking about what she said, I realise how wrong she is about me - I'm not one for telling everyone how fantastic my life is etc unlike her, so I think she sees my silence as being unhappy.
And Gratesnakes - yes, I am very lucky to have a great sister 
xxx
Is it just me that wonders how people like that manage to keep a gaggle of bitchy mates around at their age? 
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