Husband has been buying me gifts he knows I hate? why?

(24 Posts)
woodenmouse Tue 01-Nov-16 17:11:18

My husband keeps buying me plant for birthdays/ Christmas etc. I've mentioned throughout our relationship that I'm not a fan of plants. I domt like clutrer so indont like plants everywhere and I can't keep them alive so they end up in the bin. Yesterday he came home and presented me with a little rose plant ( he said he gotnot because he never suprises me with gifts). It was lovely but again it's a plant that I will kill soon and we had had a talk earlier in the day about trying to save every penny as we want to go on a nice family holiday soon. I smiled and thanked him but felt hurt that he doesn't seem to know me after nearly 6 years. Today i droped ontp conversation that im not keen on plants as I cant keep them alive and he said "I know" so I asked why do you keep buying me them then? And he said he was just trying to be romantic. AIBU to think he's a bit of a prat, if he wants to be romantic there are plenty of things I actually love that he could get me. To be honest he's a bit crap with gifts in general. For the last 3 birthdays he's gone To the local boutique on my birthday and grabbed me a necklace (I also hate jewellery).

Katy07 Tue 01-Nov-16 17:13:44

Have you actually given him real proper ideas of what you would like i.e. exact items 'x brand of chocolates, y perfume, books by z'? It's difficult sometimes to get it right if you don't actually know what right is. And at least he's trying to be romantic...

gleam Tue 01-Nov-16 17:15:25

Amazon wish list.

woodenmouse Tue 01-Nov-16 17:20:05

I've said since the day we met that i love to read and the most romantic thing anyone could do is buy me a book, I don't even care what book I will read pretty much anything.

Katy07 Tue 01-Nov-16 17:23:44

But saying 'I don't even care what book' isn't always helpful because there would be some books that you'd hate and he probably worries that they'd be the ones he'd buy. Me, I'd want some specifics whether it was good subject choices / genres or favourite authors. Just saying 'any book' would get me panicking confused

ImperialBlether Tue 01-Nov-16 17:27:18

I think you should set up an Amazon wish list, so he always knows what he can get you. I love reading but would be wary of buying someone else a book - how does he know what you've read, for one thing?

Stormtreader Tue 01-Nov-16 17:28:39

"A book" isnt really a good option, even if he knows what types you like, he doesnt want to buy you one youve already got!
What would be acceptable? Cut flowers? Chocolate? Sweeping you up in a big hug? If you want the plants to stop then youre probably going to have to give him an alternative.

Dontpanicpyke Tue 01-Nov-16 17:29:09

Bless him what a lovable twat. wink

You need a specific list with titles for books or screen shots of gifts so he knows exactly what you want.

Give him several choices so he feels it's still a surprise.

Sparklesilverglitter Tue 01-Nov-16 17:29:16

I'd also hate someone saying "oh just get me any book" because when somebody says "I read pretty much everything" you can bet your life the one you buy they won't read!

He's obviously someone that wants to be romantic and treat you as a surprise now and then and I can see why he doesn't want to buy any book (that will probably turn out to be one you don't like because that is what always happens in my experience) all the time, he wants to buy a bit of variety.

When out shopping just point out a few little bits and bobs that you like the look of, might give him some ideas

gleam Tue 01-Nov-16 17:29:29

Yes, it's like he prefers to follow the familiar way he always thinks, rather than make the effort to change to suit you.

chocolateworshipper Tue 01-Nov-16 17:37:05

Amazon wish list. Or start buying him things you know he'll really hate ...

woodenmouse Tue 01-Nov-16 17:40:32

I'm, I see the problem with books. Although I have suggested things in the past or told him when my favourite author has written something new. I've ive also told him other things I would like. Or if he wants to get me a little romantic suprise he knows I LOVE chocolate.

Icapturethecast1e Tue 01-Nov-16 17:41:25

Ok maybe you can say I really really really wish we could go on that nice family holiday. That would be the BEST present ever. We really need to save EVERY penny so no more gifts for each other.

Naicehamshop Tue 01-Nov-16 17:46:12

Hmm - actually he sounds quite annoying!

You've told him you don't like plants and yet he continues to buy them for you?

He couldn't really make it more obvious that he doesn't listen to you, could he? sad

sizeofalentil Tue 01-Nov-16 17:47:16

Could you make/print out/ whatever a 'book bucket list' and pin it somewhere he will see.

Explain to him - frequently - that these are all the books you're planning to read this year and that you are crossing them off once you've bought them.

woodenmouse Tue 01-Nov-16 17:48:43

Size- that's brilliant!! I will do that tonight

Eatthecake Tue 01-Nov-16 17:52:18

I get the book thing I don't like it when people are vague. it's like my sister every birthday/Christmas she says get me any perfume, I like them all hmm only she doesn't no matter what one I buy her!

Make a wish list on an Amazon account you both use

Say things like I haven't had x brand of chocolate for a while.

Point little bits out if you like them

He's clearly the romantic sort, just clearly struggles to know what you like.

Lorelei76 Tue 01-Nov-16 17:56:28

This is bizarre
I reckon he really likes plants and keeps wanting you to look after them.

expatinscotland Tue 01-Nov-16 17:59:21

Make a wish list. He buys you another plant, take it straight to the bin in front of him.

fuzzywuzzy Tue 01-Nov-16 18:06:48

Second Amazon wish list.

He does sound like he's trying (in all senses).

My DP needs to be told exactly what I want or he gets it really wrong, one of my first birthdays he got me orchid scented candle (from the Xmas sale my bday is exactly a month after Xmas), I was really upset I felt like an after thought.
The following year he got me a nutri bullet I'd been wanting one for aaages i was (still am) thrilled.

Think you need to be clear about what you want. Any book is too vague.

rookiemere Tue 01-Nov-16 18:21:20

I now point DH in the direction of my Amazon wish list and tell him exactly what I want, after the Christmas of the expensive jewellery that I neither wanted or liked ( I was able to exchange it and nearly cried when I found out how much it cost - I wanted a MacBook air and the damned necklace was nearly as expensive as one) and other random unwanted gifts.

I'd be beyond peeved if DH bought me a plant.

Katy07 Tue 01-Nov-16 18:22:15

I like the book bucket list idea grin

honeylulu Tue 01-Nov-16 18:35:25

Not books about plants though.

woodenmouse Tue 01-Nov-16 20:12:22

A book about plants would be preferable tonthe actual plant!!

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