I am socially awkward and I want to be confident. Tips, please?

(8 Posts)
FionaGatwick Mon 31-Oct-16 23:47:59

I am not severely socially awkward but I do put my foot in the mouth and I am uncomfortable with strangers.

I have decided I want to change.

Tips please?

IMissGrannyW Mon 31-Oct-16 23:50:57

On the road with you.

I find talking less and listening more helps loads. Listen positively (i.e. not while checking into your phone), and try to be empathetic (not necessarily sympathetic). I.e. "that sounds hard for you" etc.

But I still have a long way to go....

FaithAscending Mon 31-Oct-16 23:51:51

I have similar issues (recently diagnosed with ASD). I'm reading How to win friends and influence people. I know it's been around a long time but the basic principles still apply.

5OBalesofHay Mon 31-Oct-16 23:51:57

Fake it till you make itsmile Learn some socially oiling phrases (thank you,:how Kind etc) and just keep trying

AlpacaLypse Mon 31-Oct-16 23:53:36

People like to talk about themselves. So make a mental list of things that strangers might like to talk about - children, pets, hobbies - and see if any get them going.

Don't talk about politics with anyone until you know which way they incline.

The darling old weather is wonderfully useful this way. Can be very quickly and easily segued into discussions about holidays etc.

PenelopeFlintstone Mon 31-Oct-16 23:56:52

And smile. People will think of you as shy but nice.

pinkdelight Mon 31-Oct-16 23:58:46

I know it's hard to do, but the most charming people always think about putting others at ease rather than thinking about their own discomfort. I've got a way to go, but I found that a really helpful transition, to focus on drawing other people out, finding something to complement them on or show interest in, it rarely goes wrong and makes both of you feel better and more confident.

pinkdelight Tue 01-Nov-16 00:01:54

Another thing that helped is realising that you don't get confident and then be less socially awkward. It's the other way around, so you have to push through the awkwardness, make yourself do things, and gain confidence along the way. Confidence is won by doing, there's really no shortcut.

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