To want my family over for Xmas day

(11 Posts)
justkeepongoing Mon 31-Oct-16 19:44:48

For background my DM died this year and my DS, DB and I, with our families have decided to spend Christmas at our house. This way we can comfort and give support to one another. The problem is DH says that I should have asked him first! Up until last year, we had his DF and DS for Christmas dinner until DF died . Am I being unreasonable that I should have asked him first? He's also upset that it will be 7 adults, 4 kids and a dog ( not ours). We have the room although it will be cosy!

OwlinaTree Mon 31-Oct-16 19:47:27

I don't think ask is the right word, presumably it's your house too. Discussed it with him first maybe?

Bruce02 Mon 31-Oct-16 19:47:29

I am sorry about your mum.

But yes I do think it's reasonable to have Christmas plans run past each other. I can see why it happened buy I wouldn't be happy with dh not at least running it by me first.

MummyLikesWrapMusic Mon 31-Oct-16 20:01:26

I'm very sorry for your loss flowers.

I'm afraid I think you're being unreasonable though. Presumably it's both your home, I think just telling your husband (instead of putting the idea forward and talking about it) that you are having many people over, well it's a bit inconsiderate. I can understand why you want family at such an emotional time of year, but I can't say I'd be best pleased either, if my partner told me (not discussed) so many guests in our house, needing feeding and entertainment.

YelloDraw Mon 31-Oct-16 20:02:11

Yeah not asked, but probably discussed.

justkeepongoing Mon 31-Oct-16 20:08:59

Ok I should have discussed. DH gets on incredibly well with my family and they are as close to him as his own family. I think he was just taken aback. I've entertained his family more than my own over the years though, no grumbling or complaining.

MummyLikesWrapMusic Mon 31-Oct-16 20:14:46

I understand that you've entertained his family, however this seems to be on a much larger scale. How old are the children? Perhaps he's worried about keeping them entertained, whilst still managing to enjoy the day himself. Would guests be expecting to stay over? It would feel quite crowded I would imagine. However, again I can understand why you want family around you this Christmas, talking through your thoughts and feelings first would have been better for both of you. It's not a nice feeling to be 'obligated ' to do something that you've been told is happening, as opposed to plans made as a couple.

Basicbrown Mon 31-Oct-16 20:17:45

I think yanbu at all. It's bloody hard isn't it? I'm partly dreading Christmas sad. DH has also lost his Dad though perhaps he is feeling that has been forgotten?

vdbfamily Mon 31-Oct-16 20:51:32

Is he not wanting anyone or is he worried DS will be on her own now his DF has died. I agree with others that it would be odd to arrange Christmas day without some conversation with your partner , unless he is the kind to go with the flow and not be too bothered.

justkeepongoing Tue 01-Nov-16 07:42:21

Thank you all DSIL has now reconciled with her DD so she goes there. We did toss the idea of everyone coming to us this year in the air so it wasn't out of the blue. My DB asked if he could come to us as I'm the eldest now. Think DH was having a stress day.

rollonthesummer Tue 01-Nov-16 07:50:20

My DB asked if he could come to us as I'm the eldest now

That's an unusual rationale!!

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