Hi all,
Apologies for the long post. I've been going out of mind for the last 12hours and can't seem to make sense of anything. I'm hoping that venting will help and maybe someone might have experience of this tooand be able to advise.
I met my husband 10 years ago, really liked him but then lost contact for a while. Years later we started talking online. His dad had been diagnosed with cancer and my dad was terminal. We kind of supported each other as friends first. He told me that he had some issues with cocaine and I helped support him, he stopped using and said that I'd help him discover how to have fun without the drugs. We fell madly in love and got married. What I didn't know at that time was how bad he was on the drugs. He later told me, that he would lose 3-4 days to it, and even take it in the morning before work 'to wake him up.'
I married my husband 2 years ago, before knowing how bad he'd been on drugs - that came out in dribs and drabs. During the first year of our marriage we were mainly happy. However, about once a week, usually around pay day, he'd start a big argument, leave the house and stay out all night doing drugs with his addict brother. He told me it was because he was insecure about my past relationship, the same cause for most of our arguments (only after he'd been binge drinking though). I took him back the next day when he finally returned home every time and he'd often promise not to drink (it was mainly when he drank that he started arguments) and on several occasions promised not to do drugs. He continued to though, and just lied about it - I've since found out.
We moved to Thailand a year ago and he traveled back and forth from the UK to work. I'm pretty certain he did cocaine many times then and I spent many nights (all night - he goes out until 5-6am) stuck in a foreign country not knowing who he was with, what he was doing and always thinking the worst. I tried to trust him as if I even asked what he'd been up to he'd often accuse me of not trusting him and over reacting.
Finally, he came to Thailand to stay for good and for a while everything was a lot better. Then I fell pregnant. He instantly went into 'must support family mode' and found a job in the UK. Although I can understand why he did this, it's left me in a very dark place. I'm now 12weeks pregnant and stuck in Thailand until March (end of contract) alone, worried and lonely.
He only landed yesterday, messaged me briefly, told me he wasn't going out with the lads but had to sort MOT ect and would call. I waited all day and until 1:30am, worrying and stressing. I woke up at 6am again to a message from him saying he couldn't call, his phone was playing up. I've since discovered that he went out with friends at 10am - until 5am the next morning, drinking and doing cocaine with the little savings we had left - staying 'on it' and purposefully ignoring my calls. He actually saw my message asking him to call me, ignored it and called his brother to let him back into whichever coke house he was in after he went out alone - I'm assuming to buy more drugs!
I'm at breaking point! My head's spinning with so many what ifs. I'm miserable,lonely, and feel angry that our pregnancy is spent like this. It's been awful being pregnant and feeling lonely (even when he was here he was on the PC and didn't want to have sex because he didn't want to hurt the baby). I feel like I'm going out of my mind. I don't want to have a baby with someone who thinks going out all night, snorting all our Christmas funds and ignoring my calls is normal - although he would never accept that from me if the tables were turned.
What do I do? Do I leave him? I know I can raise a baby alone, I just don't want to be in a situation where I have to. Do I terminate? I wish I never fell pregnant and I wish I never fell in love.|'m so hurt and confused. The pregnancy hormones are certainly not helping.
AIBU?
Pregnancy, alone, let down by husband and lost
Nats1982 · 30/10/2016 06:24
I'm so sorry you feel so terrible, but I think you know that the coke will always come first and he hasn't a hope of staying clean when associating with addicts, you should look after yourself at this point while you decide what you want your life to be 
Being a single parent from pregnancy isn't easy. I know because I have done it.
Being in a crap relationship with a drug user who snorts all your money and doesn't respect you is a thousand times harder. Not that I've done that, but I've supported a friend who has.
I would start thinking about your wider support network if you have one, and taking steps to protect yourself financially. It's likely you will be doing this alone eventually so it might be better to get a plan in place now.
So sorry you're having to deal with this so far from home
Really sorry you're in this position Nats. Do you have a supportive family? If you do, could you move near them when you return to the U.K.? I'm another who thinks that, unfortunately, you're going to have to prepare to do this alone. 
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.