AIBU you don't have to automatically share food gifts?

(266 Posts)
MaddyHatter Thu 27-Oct-16 20:46:08

Bit of a TAAT, but i want to tackle the idea that when you're given food as a gift.. chocolate, sweets...etc that there is this expectation that you should share them.

"I can't quite get past someone being given chocolates as a present and snaffling them up to their bedroom, not to be shared with anyone else" was said on another thread as an example

Why?

I never have.. they were bought for me, why should i share them with anyone else?

Why is there this belief that food given to you as a present ought to be shared amongst the people in the house? Why does the fact that its food turn someone elses present into a fair game free for all?

AtSea1979 Thu 27-Oct-16 20:47:27

Not shared with other family members but shared with the giver.

MaddyHatter Thu 27-Oct-16 20:47:51

Oh and of course there is the other thread on here tonight where the OP's specialist hot chocolate had been opened by her family.

WTH?

griffinsss Thu 27-Oct-16 20:47:59

As a child we HAD to share food gifts between everyone in the house. Now I'm restful of ever sharing food. I don't ever make my DC share, but would expect them to offer one to me and their siblings just to be polite.

griffinsss Thu 27-Oct-16 20:48:22

*resentful

MaddyHatter Thu 27-Oct-16 20:48:34

Why Sea? if the giver wants them, they should keep them or buy their bloody own!

Noofly Thu 27-Oct-16 20:49:15

I will give DH any white chocolates because I don't like them, but otherwise YANBU- food gifts to me are all mine!

MaddyHatter Thu 27-Oct-16 20:49:28

"but would expect them to offer one to me and their siblings just to be polite."

Why? Its theirs, Why is it polite to offer something they've been bought for them to eat?

Why do people think this?

TheNaze73 Thu 27-Oct-16 20:49:47

I think it's each to their own. Food is a great shared experience & although I'd have no expectation from others, I would choose to share

Artandco Thu 27-Oct-16 20:49:50

Because is it not weird eating a nice chocolate and not offering anyone else one?

Everything gift wise is usually shared here TBH. If I received soap it would become the communal soap in bathroom, electronics become family shared, kitchen stuff just in kitchen for all to use, etc. So yes food just goes into kitchen as a food item for everyone

Pettywoman Thu 27-Oct-16 20:50:19

If it's chocolate, hide it in the bedroom and snaffle it yourself. If chutney and oatcakes it is fair game because it will never get finished otherwise.

MaddyHatter Thu 27-Oct-16 20:52:16

No i don't think its weird to expect to eat something bought for me without having to offer it.

Its mine.

i think its weird for someone to buy me something with the expectation that i will share it with them. Buy your fucking own.

I don't go around choosing presents for people in the hope i get some.

Artandco Thu 27-Oct-16 20:58:00

Isn't that a bit grabby? I mean I like the people I live with, my Dh I chose to live with obviously, and my children, why wouldn't I want to share something?

And for chocolates, it's a box of chocolates, that's it, it hardly matters who eats them, chocolate can be bought again if you really wanted to at another date.

I expect my children to share all their toys with each other. for example I would get one something, and something different for the other and expect them to become communal toys to be played with equally

Lilmisskittykat Thu 27-Oct-16 20:59:51

I would enjoy them more sharing a box of chocolates with my husband or family even colleagues... assuming that they are a box not just a little pack of six posh ones from Thornton s

MaddyHatter Thu 27-Oct-16 21:01:45

So you don't allow your kids ownership of anything? Would you be the mom on the playground calling another child selfish for not wanting your child to use their scooter?

It is not grabby to expect to be allowed to enjoy something given to you as a gift by yourself.

MaddyHatter Thu 27-Oct-16 21:02:45

IF you want to, fine.

I'm asking about this assumption or attitude of expectation that food gifts OUGHT to be shared.

nemno Thu 27-Oct-16 21:03:18

It just wouldn't occur to me or anyone in our household not to share food gifts. Almost everything in our house is there to be shared whatever it is, food is no different.

Artandco Thu 27-Oct-16 21:05:00

Of course not. Other people out of home are different. My children live together, close in age, why would I buy two of the same thing when they like similar stuff? Dh and I don't have two of everything, we share many things.
Our home is like that, it's communal. If one child had only two sweets, they would automatically give one to the other so they had one each, rather than them seeing they had two and brother nothing. It's kind and respectful imo

Sparklesilverglitter Thu 27-Oct-16 21:05:20

When I'm given food gifts, I always offer DH some (DD is too small at the moment) as I'd feel selfish stuffing my face. Most times DH will say no but it's nice to offer I think

AuntieStella Thu 27-Oct-16 21:10:01

You share with whoever you open it in front of. A private treat in company is rather off.

But You don't have to open it it front of anyone else if you don't want to. So sneaking it off to your bedroom is totally fine, as is putting it totally openly somewhere else.. Because it's yours so you get to choose.

mysistersimone Thu 27-Oct-16 21:10:20

I agree with you, we don't share. It's a gift, a present, a treat that isn't normally around everyday. We have a chocolate drawer in the fridge, lots of treat size stuff, if someone wants a choc - go there.

I managed to find my sis some curry sauce from Germany, she loves it, hasn't had it for years. That's hers. All hers. The kids get a box of malteasers, that's there's. Buy my Dad some posh coffee, don't give it a second thought to ask for some. It's like toiletries, they belong to the recipient. I'd be pissed off if H nicked my posh shampoo.

YelloDraw Thu 27-Oct-16 21:15:35

Food gifts are a gift for the person who receives them. Not a 'family' gift to be shared. They may or may not open them and offer them around.

Damia Thu 27-Oct-16 21:16:14

Maybe its to do with a hunter gatherer thing. Any food brought into the group must be shared for the benefit of all members smile

cheminotte Thu 27-Oct-16 21:18:22

When I buy DP chocolates from Hotel Chocolat I expect him to share them with me but not the kids.

Chinlo Thu 27-Oct-16 21:29:35

As kids if we received a gift of chocolate or sweets, we would generally share a little bit with each other (voluntarily), but mostly it was our own, and none of us would EVER take from a sibling's food gift without asking.

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