CHildrens contact with their dad.

(38 Posts)
One2another Thu 27-Oct-16 11:52:03

Children's father is unable to take the 2dc on Saturday due to work commitments.
I am working as it is my childfree Saturday and have to earn a living so I have committed to an extra shift.
I have messaged exh back to say he will need to arrange childcare but his reply was along the lines of - 'tough poo it's not my problem'
The childrens contact with their dad is agreed through court.
What should I do now? I cannot get out of my shift now and I suspect exh is going away for a night with his new p.....Who incidentally is blissfully unaware of how violent this man can be, hence I have a restraining order.

bluecashmere Thu 27-Oct-16 11:56:02

It is definitely up to him to organise and pay for childcare. But that doesn't really help because he's likely to ignore you. Put this in writing (email) so you have it as proof in future.

bluecashmere Thu 27-Oct-16 11:58:06

Sorry, posted too soon.

If you have a solicitor get them to put something in writing too (it will be too late for this weekend but you need to stand your ground so this doesn't become a regular occurrence).

Do you have any family or friends who can help out just this once?

sterlingcooper Thu 27-Oct-16 12:04:04

Your options are limited, because even if you just drop the kids at his door really early and leave him to deal with it, who's to say he'll even be there.

Based on what you know of him, are you likely to get anywhere at all by continuing to tell him it is his responsibility? Does he have family you could suggest he asks?

Otherwise you are going to have to try to find child care yourself.

How long has the court order been in place? We're there no concerns about sending them to a violent father? Has he backed out if agreed contact before?

One2another Thu 27-Oct-16 12:09:01

My mum has agreed to take them, it's only theee hours work but I'll get £100, which is v v much needed.
I've sent a message saying that he will need to arrange childcare but he has ignored this part. This is the second time he has done this in 6 a week period. The last time I was on a course and had paid for it myself and almost couldn't go but my dm saved the day again.

Lolling at my phone typo I noticed just as I was about to post.... the last time I was on a horse and had paid for it myself and almost couldn't go.... hahahaha.

Manumission Thu 27-Oct-16 12:11:06

Make sure you document his refusal.

You might want to get the court order adjusted at some point and evidence of his non-compliance with the existing order and of his attitude could be useful.

bluecashmere Thu 27-Oct-16 12:13:51

I think some kind of official letter needs to be sent then. It probably still won't help because he thinks he's more important than you. How much notice has he given you each time?

Does the court order make any allowances for changes to the agreement? Do you ever ask for changes?

c3pu Thu 27-Oct-16 12:17:46

Unfortunately it's not a breach of the order to not see the children, only if you refuse him contact.

Therefore, its up to you to pick up the slack I'm afraid.

Manumission Thu 27-Oct-16 12:19:04

It's evidence that the arrangements aren't working as intended though, surely?

c3pu Thu 27-Oct-16 12:20:19

Of course, but taking it back to court costs money, time and effort.

Manumission Thu 27-Oct-16 12:21:19

I'd still file a printout or screenshot in case of future developments.

Chocolate123 Thu 27-Oct-16 12:22:58

This makes me so mad that he can be unavailable and he's not breaking court order yet if she refused access she is. Happens all the time law needs to be changed.

c3pu Thu 27-Oct-16 12:24:04

Most definitely, if it becomes a regular occurrence then having a record will be useful if the OP decides to try and get the order varied/discharged.

c3pu Thu 27-Oct-16 12:25:12

This makes me so mad that he can be unavailable and he's not breaking court order yet if she refused access she is. Happens all the time law needs to be changed.

Agreed. But having had the shoe on both feet I'd take being the RP and getting messed about, over being the NRP any day of the week.

boobyooby Thu 27-Oct-16 12:30:06

I'm afraid C3pu is right. The onus is on the resident parent to take care of the kids if the NRP is not able to, the only way round this is to have it written in black and white on a contact order. Contact order though only states when the RP has to make the children available for the NRP to have access! It sucks but that is the joy of being nominated as Resident Parent, been there and got the tshirt (luckily I don't work Saturdays anymore so it doesn't affect me too much anymore)

Aeroflotgirl Thu 27-Oct-16 12:30:27

Yes I would document this, and contact your solicitor, this is breach of his contact as arranged through the court. Mabey it needs to go back to court, if this keeps happening.

Dellab1 Thu 27-Oct-16 12:33:49

He said he's working so he can't have the kids. You've taken an extra shift so presumably he thought you wouldn't be working so it wouldn't be an issue. Most important thing would be for both of you to be as flexible as possible so that the kids get to see him another weekend.

Toffeelatteplease Thu 27-Oct-16 12:34:00

I wouldn't waste money on Solicitors letters, they really don't mean much.

Not a lot a court will do about it. You can use it to suggest that the current arrangements should be cut back to contact he can commit to. otherwise there really isn't any comeback for him dicking you around. Especially if he can come up with a ridiculous excuse reasonable justification.

One2another Thu 27-Oct-16 12:35:15

The contact was supervised for a trial period, nothing was was raising concerns all violence was directed at me.
I've since heard back from sol who has said she can reopen the case and send him a letter. A letter which he won't care about as a pp has hit the nail on the head saying he thinks he's way more important than me.
I wish I'd never agreed to contact being out with this contact centre.
I'll take screenshots of everything.

Has anybody on here ever been successful in making changes to a court order?

c3pu Thu 27-Oct-16 12:38:53

I've since heard back from sol who has said she can reopen the case and send him a letter. A letter which he won't care about as a pp has hit the nail on the head saying he thinks he's way more important than me.

Pah, the solicitor will charge you for the writing of the letter, and it will be an exercise in futility as they are totally not binding in any way shape or form.

I wish I'd never agreed to contact being out with this contact centre.

Unfortunately he would have won the day in the end if you agreed or not, as there were no concerns raised during the supervised contact.

I'll take screenshots of everything.

Wise move.

Thefishewife Thu 27-Oct-16 12:39:18

Personally I would document his refusal then cut back the contact not stop of if he complains tell him to fuck off and see you in court

The explain to crapcass and the judge his refusal and explain your happy for him to have more but currently he has other priortys

Manumission Thu 27-Oct-16 12:41:26

Considering past DV, will legal aid cover further work, including letters? Or is that provision time- limited?

One2another Thu 27-Oct-16 12:42:54

What would happen if I stopped sending the kids on their allocated day with him? Would the police come if I broke the court order?

One2another Thu 27-Oct-16 12:44:22

Solicitor has said she will apply for legal aid on advice and assistance. So basically to cover a letter and appointment.

Toffeelatteplease Thu 27-Oct-16 12:46:15

Depends what you are trying to achieve. Yes I achieved very limited changes to a contact order but mostly where he failed to meet conditions I'd got written into it in the first place and the cost was exorbitant. my aim was always to limit the time he got to damage the kids in.

The biggest changes to the contact order came after all the court proceedings ended from ExH not bothering but it really was a licence for him to dick them/me around. If I was doing something uncancellable during "his" time I always had a back up.

He ended up spectacularly messing up. touch wood that finished off contact now for good

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