Hi, would really appreciate some advice on this - sorry its a bit long! Split with father of child (FOC) a year and a half ago. I suggested 50/50 shared residency - thought it would be fair for him and DS to see eachother equally. Arrangement has continued consistantly. At the time we made the agreement FOC had lost job and worked weekends so it was agreed i would have DS every other wed/thurs/fri/sat then sunday would go to FOC. We were meant to revisit the arrangement.
Fifteen months on and I have been trying to change arrangement days for a while. It doesn't work for me. I work f/t and also go to uni p/t - two evenings a week on the days i dont have DS. I'm finding it so difficult to get my univeristy work done - attempting to do it after son is sleep and housework done is incredibly difficult. I am trying to propose alternative weekends to FOC - i feel this would give me the time i need to study and maybe even a part time job to earn extra money.
FOC refuses to change arrangement. He says that although he now has a normal day job, he still has to do weekend work to make more. He always brings up a car we got out on finance together but was in his name so he kept and has to pay for - i did offer to take the car but he refused.
FOC lives with his mother and I got her to mediate before which is where we made the agreement. I attempted to get her to mediate again and initially she was happy to do so but then our conversation turned into an arguement where she basically said she needed him to works weekends too so she didnt have to subsidise FOC and also cover costs for DS on the days he stays with FOC. She also said im being ungrateful as there are lots of fathers that dont see their children at all. I'm not getting her involved anymore.
So, I'm basically screwed! I wouldn't keep DS from FOC. I can't force him to change the days he has DS. DS is almost 3 so will be starting school in the near future so will have to be a bit more settled.
I could really do with weekends to get on with university work my dissertation and potentially earn money but its not just that that that i think needs revisiting - every other wendesday, I have to drive half way across london to get DS then drop him to nursery, drop car off then get to work. I feel like everything revolves around him and I am basically being forced to put up with it.
I have mentioned mediation but FOC says he wont go if he has to pay for it which he probably will have to.
I've done some research on the process for a child arrangement order and am planning to seek legal advice tomorrow.
AIBU to start the court process? Should I suck it up and continue with the arrangement we have? Am I being selfish and should let him earn the extra money?
Has anyone been had a child arrangement order and does it assist with these kinds of circumstances?
Please help!
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AIBU?
To take it to court..
24 replies
GreenTree100 · 27/10/2016 01:05
OP posts:
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