Am I being a bit U?(6 Posts)
Ok, so I have name changed for this as I realised the other day that I have probably outed myself with some of the things I have shared and someone sent me a weird pm and I feel a bit exposed.
But this is not about that.
Almost 2 years ago I started a new job and really hit it off with my area manager and she very quickly became a good friend. Lots of lovely things about her and as I hadn't had a female friend since we moved it was nice just to be able to talk and go for coffee and shopping etc.
I did notice that she is the type to lurch from one drama to another, it took me a while to realise that she creates most of this stuff herself but there are worst things. Also, she has often told me personal things about mutual acquaintances and definitely told me some very tall stories. Because of that and also because I came to the obvious conclusion that she probably talks about me behind my back I started to distance myself. (There is also a lot of weird stuff she does that she probably can't help but gets on my nerves; just really goes over the top and I know I will sound like a Bitch but I don't mean to. For example Last term my children had a dress up day I happily made their costumes from scratch but on the morning she came to my home at half seven with shop bought costumes for them. I know that sounds kind but to me it was completely unecssary and weird. There are many more examples but this post is far too long already.
Last month my GP remarked on a mole while I was asking about something else and the next thing I am in hospital having a biopsy. Horrible time and all I can do to stop myself imagining the worst is to not talk about it and try and stay positive.
When I went back to work I was bit teary and confessed to my 'friend ' what I am dealing with. Well today, 2 of my part timers came up to ask what was happening, gave me a hug etc. Very considerate and kind but I feel so upset that they know in the first place. One of them lost her husband to cancer a few months ago and the other has a son who may have to change his whole career plan due to a life changing accident so I certainly don't want to be going on about something that may be nothing. Not to mention I am a very private person.
So, come on, do I have an grounds to be upset or am I just over sensitive?
You told her in confidence and she told random work colleagues...
You have every reason to be upset. It's your decision who you tell private medical information, not her place to tell people.
I hope your mole turns out to be nothing, or easily treated if it's something.
No, listen to your inner voice. And fwiw, I think your instinct is spot-on. Be freindly, stay friends and enjoy the friendship, but keep your boundary fences UP and monitored and be careful what you share, always assuming it won't stay private. Take anything she throws at you with a pinch of salt and try not to get sucked into anything.
There are obviously qualities about this woman/friendship which work for you, so keep those, but be careful not to over-share.
And hope your mole turns out to be nothing (which I'm sure it will be!)
And, btw, turning up with costumes was WEIRD and rude. I hope they took your home-made ones! (p.s. I'm rubbish at home-made, so I would say send her in my direction, but DD is older now and these things are - thankfully - no longer requried!_
Thank you for your replies! Means a lot to me. It was actually a relief to write it all down and stop going over it.
Thank you for your advice*ImissGrannyw*. They did take the homemade ones but only because I hid the new ones until after school and then they were delighted to have presents.
Google covert narcissism that's the ticket right there your instincts are right on the money yanbu
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