To not give him a lift?

(28 Posts)
MsMarvel Wed 26-Oct-16 17:09:24

DP has dsd all week this week as her mum is away. He has taken the week off, but I decided to take the week off as well as dp doesnt drive and taking dsd to school involves an hour drive on a route with no dorect public transport.

Im haooy to do this (despite dp not actually saying thank you, but I suppose its part of the deal with having dsd) but hadnt realised it was going to involve after school activities every day of the week.

Yesterday was school drop off (1 hour), school pick up (1 hour) taking her to gymnastics at 6pm (1 hour) and picking her up 3 hours later (1 hour)

As a non driver, i really dont think that dp understands that this is a lot, and is tiring.

So today I suggested that she skips her 1 hour evening dance class, as a one off as its so far away when shes at ours. Dp is adamant that its completely unfair for dsd to have to miss the class jusy because shes staying at ours. And says that if I dont want to he'll sort it out.

So i say to him jusy now if hes ok with getting dsd to the class himself and he seems surprised that I was actually being serious and is now muttering about needing to see if someone else can give him a lift. AIBU in standing my ground with this? Its only wednesday and im knackered from all the driving, and although I took this week off to help out, I was also hoping for some downtime in the evenings.

Ginmakesitallok Wed 26-Oct-16 17:13:07

He said he'd sort it - let him

MsMarvel Wed 26-Oct-16 17:16:13

I know that when he said that he would sort it he was just playing the martyr, and didnt think I would take it at face value.

He has brought up the fact that I cant run him to the evening activity tomorrow, even though im going to pick them up from it, because I have a gym class. I can tell that he thinks I should cancel the class to give him a lift.

Cherrysoup Wed 26-Oct-16 17:16:21

Stand your ground. It won't kill her to miss classes and if her mum's house is closer, it's unreasonable to expect the same if your house is much further. Your DP is being unfair, although why can't you have downtime after 7pm? Do you go to bed really early?

MsMarvel Wed 26-Oct-16 17:22:18

Yesterday dsd was picked up at 9pm amd then needed to drive half an hour to get home. Her class tonight is 7.30 to 8.30. He school disco tomorrow finshes at 9pm. So realistically its close to 10pm before I can actually relax.

NapQueen Wed 26-Oct-16 17:26:55

He needs to sort this himself. He could take her on buses or train to classes and stay and then bring her back at the end. Pita yes but hey ho!

An easier alternative if the relationship with the ex is companionable would have been for him to stay there (with ex away and all) thus keeping things simpler for dd.

mothattack Wed 26-Oct-16 17:34:13

It is just as well you took the week off!!

Yes, I think she should skip it given she does so much else, and the travelling it involves. It is a lot to ask of the only driver in the family, whether step child or not step child.

Since he obviously doesn't 'get it', your DP should at least be coming in the car with you so he can appreciate the chore that it is.

MsMarvel Wed 26-Oct-16 17:34:23

Definitely not an option to have stayed at exs.

It would involve a 15 minute walk and 2 buses to get there.

What he'll do is phone sil or mil and one of them will do it. Its the expectancy of it that grates on me though. He knows that sil or mil wont say no, because its for dsd. He wil need to leave in an hour, earlier if he doesnt get a lift, and he still hasnt phoned anyone to see if they are free.

MsMarvel Wed 26-Oct-16 17:35:49

He does come in the car to be fair, but its a lot different being a passnger to being the driver. I found myself deliberately waking him up when he was dozing in the car today, if I dont get to use the time to nap, then he cant either! But i know thats me being petty.

CheddarGorgeous Wed 26-Oct-16 17:37:52

I think you are being a little bit U. Your partner is being ungrateful but it's your DSD who's made to miss out.

Is there any reason why he doesn't drive?

Freeda86 Wed 26-Oct-16 17:39:56

dont worry about being petty, you have to have boundaries i guess!

ComfortingKormaBalls Wed 26-Oct-16 17:40:29

Whats he doing whilst you are doing all the driving? Is he at home?

MsMarvel Wed 26-Oct-16 17:45:16

Dsd is knackered from the earlier starts getting up for school, and the late nights. And could quite honestly do with an evening off and an early night.

Its almost like dp is wanting to prove a point that he can 'do it all' but doesnt seem to realise that its not actually him thats doing it?

MoreGilmoreGirls Wed 26-Oct-16 17:47:00

I think you've been more than accommodating giving lifts to and from school and agree that all these after school activit are expecting a bit much of you. Stand your ground and let him sort himself out.

Trifleorbust Wed 26-Oct-16 17:50:02

If he was more acknowledging of your effort, perhaps you would be more willing to do all the pick ups and drop offs, but if he's being an ingrate about it...

Waltermittythesequel Wed 26-Oct-16 17:54:59

If he lives that far from her school and activities then he needs to get himself a car. This is ridiculous.

TataEs Wed 26-Oct-16 18:15:37

he needs to learn to drive. just getting her to and from school is ridiculous! if you hadn't taken the week off what would he have done? it's an hour away by car?! he'd be getting the poor kid up at 4!

MsMarvel Wed 26-Oct-16 18:16:49

Totally agree that it might not be so taxing if there was a bit of appreciation to go with it.

It wouldnt be too bad if it was actual after school activities, ie she goes straight after school. But its too late for that, so need to take her home and then back out again, then picked up again. Four 1 hour round trips a day for a week is pretty tough going.

tofutti Wed 26-Oct-16 18:17:45

The lack of thanks is annoying. Does he tend to take you for granted?

QueenArseClangers Wed 26-Oct-16 18:20:31

Why doesn't he drive? What was he planning to do if you'd have been working this week?

ICuntSeeYourPoint Wed 26-Oct-16 18:20:49

What did he do before you came along? He needs to learn to drive, it's ridiculous. He can't look after his child adequately by himself until he can drive her to school at least!

ENormaSnob Wed 26-Oct-16 18:26:30

Why doesnt he drive ffs?

Entitled fucker like all the none drivers that I know angry

MsMarvel Wed 26-Oct-16 18:34:33

What he has done in the past if i haven't taken the time off is completely relied on his parents or sil to do the trips. But they have full time jobs, his sister has a newborn, so the reason i took the week off was to relieve some of the pressure for them.

He is getting a taxi tonight.

RoseGoldHippie Wed 26-Oct-16 18:36:48

Why did you take the week of to drive him around (so in laws etc did t have to) but then not want to and make him take a taxi? It's seems really bizarre as this seems to be the exact reason your off in the first place? confused

Arfarfanarf Wed 26-Oct-16 18:39:35

Is there a reason he doesnt drive?
If not, it certainly would be good for him to learn. It's a complete pain being the only driver. I didnt learn until my 30's. I'm 43 now and my husband is still delighted 😂 because it is a lot when you have to do all the driving.

Of course i understand it often isnt as easy as 'just learn', but if it can be done it really ought to be.

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