Ok, dd (13) has aspergers, processing problems, dyspraxia and related anxiety, she is easily worked up and has also just started her periods so hormones added to the mix.
DD is very literal and often comes out with very literal comments to my parents, I do pick her up on this but she usually doesn't understand what she has done wrong. I do however correct her and explain why they might be upset. i.e My parents had been talking about dd inheriting the house when they die repeatedly and one day not long after dd came out with a 'when you have died and it is my house I am going to have blah in the garden' comment. I off course told her she could not say that and why but she was basically repeating what they had said.
DD and my Mum seem to be butting heads continually at the moment. She is a lovely girl and kind and helpful but she is very rigid in her rules. Again I do punish her or pick her up on any inappropriate behaviour.
She finds new situations difficult and can become quite anxious but my Dad makes jokes he thinks are funny which make dd more anxious i.e if she asks if we will get to somewhere on time he will make comments such as 'we will if the car doesn't break down/car starts/plane doesn't crash' etc. He loves her dearly but his 'jokes' wind her up. Then she gets told off for reacting.
We went out to a show at the weekend and dd had expected my Dad to be outside in the car when we got out but he had been held up, it was late at night and dd didn't know the area so she was a bit anxious, when my Dad rang to say he was here my Mum was trying to talk to him to see where he was parked as we couldn't see him but dd was talking over her asking if he was coming and was he here and was he flashing his lights (she could see a car which was) again I told her off but my Mum was still going on about it the next day.
DD is currently obsessed about us now trying to wash her dry clean only blazer, I was going to try it on a cold wash but she got very upset it would be damaged as someones had been at school so I left it in front of her only for my Mum who knew this to repeat that I should just go ahead and wash it while in front of dd, obviously dd got upset and commented that 'she can pay for another if she makes you wash it and it gets ruined'. Again dd was told off for being rude.
If something isn't 'right' she will comment (again I pick her up on this when it is inappropriate) i.e if my parents have said she can do something on a certain day and time and they don't she will comment. At the same time though if my parents forget to give her her weekly pocket money she never ever comments or asks for it or even mentions it to me.
She was recently told she could have any toy from a shop (within reason) by them and she picked something small and inexpensive so as not to be greedy and had to be persuaded to pick something bigger so she isn't spoilt.
I know it sounds awful but she is punished and told off and loses privilages but I am a bit stuck as to what to do, my Mum thinks dd is a brat who uses her SN as an excuse and I just feel completely stuck in the middle.
Dd doesn't go out anymore (damn clowns) and has just stopped the only hobby she has and doesn't really bother much with consoles etc so she doesn't really have much meaningful to remove as punishment and she spends loads of time in her room anyway so grounding doesn't work so other than removal of pocket money which I do and telling off but I often feel like I am telling her off for being aspergers.
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AIBU?
Do I need to be tougher on DD?
66 replies
lightsandresistance · 25/10/2016 12:55
OP posts:
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