Let me set the seen.
DH works full time on his own business, self employed. It's profitable, we split the profits as I am shareholder and do accounts and other admin. He works away from the house mon - fri, leaves at 7.30 am returns at just before 6pm. Never works evenings.
I work 1.5 (weekdays) a week in quite well paid job plus do approx 1 day a week other freelance work (some paid some unpaid for friends etc / own projects) I also do all our business admin, VAT returns, annual returns, expenses, payments. This takes up approx 3hrs a week, often done in evening.
We are ok for money but not really 'well off'
In terms of childcare and chores. DC1 is at school, DC2 in childcare 3 days a week. DC1 goes to after school club if I am in office otherwise usually comes home and watches TV if I still need to work.
I do almost all drop off or pick ups unless I specifically say I have an early meeting / late one and then DH will do it, that's approx once a fortnight.
I do all household chores and most cooking, he does tidy up kitchen after eating and takes bins out, will empty dishwasher and he also does his own washing (and never puts away...) but no other washing. He does no other tidying / cleaning so recently I got a cleaner, I wanted once a week but he said waste of money so we got every fortnight for 3 hours. It's quite a big house but 3 hrs is a help but I would estimate I spend 2-3 hours a day minimum cleaning, washing up, tidying and doing washing, cooking for all. House is never clean or that tidy I should add!
I also do almost life admin, I organise the payment of bills, I do the online shop, I buy the kids clothes, I do all school organising (trips, lunch money, after school payment). I also sort out all car maintenance, take in for service etc and organise any home 'jobs' that need doing. DH does the odd bit of DIY out of choice ad hoc and also does mow lawn in summer. I do other gardening when I can (rarely). I sort out all medical appointments (DC1 has non serious condition requiring appointment 4 x year). I buy new shoes, I sort hair cuts and uniform. I don't iron as I can't find time. I book holidays, train tickets, trips etc, I clean car or take to car valet.
DH is absolutely wonderful with our kids, in the eve he comes home (they've been fed normally unless I am working late) often baths them and then puts one to bed / plays. He also is often the first to get up in the night if they wake (this is wonderful I know). He also takes them to clubs on the weekend so I can tidy the house (again) but he's started saying it's too tricky to take both out...he would rather take one at a time!!! But in all honesty he does no more. He thinks he's very helpful and does all he can but I can't help feeling my to do list is never ending and I'm constantly stressed out and fed up. I am being taken advantage of or do I have it easy?
I'm quite an optimist and often compare life to those I know have it much much harder so would never say I'm hard done by but just really wondering how people split these things out? Should I be doing what feels like almost everything because I'm effectively getting half a day 'to myself' a week plus 2 full days where I care for a non napping 1.5yr old and do school runs etc for the other 5 yr old? DH's argument is always that I have more time but It doesn't feel that way at all. I also feel the time I do have with my kids is never fun, I'm always needing to do other jobs...
This has come to ahead today as DC2 is ill (second time in a fortnight) so no childcare and of course I'm here looking after. I had booked today off anyway because I wanted to have a special day with DC1 whilst DC2 was away but that's had to be cancelled.
AIBU to feel unhappy? Does anyone have any awesome life balancing tricks / willing to share how you share chores out? I feel like the balance just gets worse and worse in our house...
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AIBU?
To be in a massive grump
28 replies
theguiltymother1 · 25/10/2016 11:34
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