To put my dad's visit off with his new partner??

(8 Posts)
Bumbleclat Mon 24-Oct-16 10:38:20

I'm 32 weeks pregnant and working as a full time primary teacher= TIRED.

My dad left his partner last Christmas for another woman and I am yet to meet OW (I adore/d his previous partner of 16 years)

Anyway. My dear mum died of cancer in the summer and I concluded that I don't want to spend any time not seeing my dad because life's short so extended an open invite to him and his new partner to come and stay with me (even though this made me feel a bit uncomfortable)

I think we're all a bit apprehensive about this visit as because they'll be travelling 200 miles to get here they'll have to stay for he whole weekend to make it worth it.

Anyway, he arranged yesterday to come up mid-November by which time I'll be more heavily pregnant and it's slap bang in the middle of term time.

I emailed him saying that I would prefer if he came up either
a) On his own because then I can just relax and not 'host' or b) Come up this week with his DP whilst I'm on half term and am not so tired.

He just emailed back saying that we'll play it by ear and that he understands.

If I was brave enough I would say can you come up on your own please because I haven't seen you since I've been pregnant but he seems to come in a package with his DP.

AIBU to have changed the plan/cancelled on him?

TIA.

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers Mon 24-Oct-16 10:45:24

Ask him. He's your Dad. He doesn't sound unreasonable from the response he sent you, so go for it!

Cherrysoup Mon 24-Oct-16 10:45:43

I think its a little unreasonable to change the plan at this stage, although as you're pregnant, and teaching, I totally empathise! I think stick with the original weekend plan rather than have a mid week visit this week. I'm planning on doing as little as possible this week, had an amazing lie in with the dog this morning, bloody marvellous!

KC225 Mon 24-Oct-16 10:54:44

I think hosting a 'new' partner for a whole weekend in your house puts you and her under great pressure. I think the poster above who says talk to your DAD is a right.

You are still grieving for your mum, getting used to the break up with his former partner, very pregnant is sounds very pressured. Can they not stay in a hotel and pay visits - brunch and a walk.
Dinner then back to their hotel. I imagine his new partner would prefer that.

Bumbleclat Mon 24-Oct-16 12:11:29

Thank you.
KC225 yes I'm feeling the pressure of it all which is why I put them off.
I wish there was a mid point to meet.
My dads in the process of buying a flat near his house with his new DP so me and DHcan go and stay with him but nearby.
It would seem churlish asking them to stay somewhere else if they came here because my house has a lovely big spare room and I live in the middle of nowhere.

MatildaTheCat Mon 24-Oct-16 12:17:03

Sorry to read about your mum, that's very tough.

One thing strikes me: if your dad is serious about his new partner might it not be easier if you meet her before your baby is born? When the baby comes it might be even more difficult to meet her for the first time, even more so when you will be missing your mum so much.

Have a chat with your dad and see how you can make this as pain free as possible. I'm sure he wants to make it work so hopefully he will be understanding.

Finola1step Mon 24-Oct-16 12:20:11

I completely understand how tired you are (have been there, had a year 6 class, heavily pregnant, with a 2 year old to boot). It is your home and you are entitled to have who you do and don't want in it.

But can I throw another idea in. Invite them both but don't go too mad on hosting. Tell your df that they are more than welcome to come but they will need to muck in. This will give you a good opportunity to see what this new woman I like. Is she the type that expects a heavily pregnant woman to "host" or is she the type to roll up her sleeves, do a bit of washing up and make a cuppa?

Bumbleclat Mon 24-Oct-16 12:26:21

Thank you.
I just don't have it in me to not instantly spring into hostess mode I couldn't bear it! (Perfectionist)
I will meet her before baby comes just need to think of way that's not exhausting/overwhelming.

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