To think stbxh should give a time for returning the dc - wibu to contact his dm

(6 Posts)
notagainnellie Sun 23-Oct-16 17:36:34

He has had them from yesterday and we agreed he'd bring them back Tuesday. That means about 45% of half term, and we did agree I would have them a bit more than him in holidays, so this has really gone his way rather than mine if anything.

I had collected ds2 from his to take to a party today (they both had one opposite ends of town at exactly the same time, or I would not have been involved). When he picked ds2 up after the party I asked what time he'd bring them back on Tues and he said 'I thought we said Weds.' He then refused to say what time he would bring them and kept saying he didn't know yet. It was horrible - the dc were there and ds2 asked on my behalf. I tried to keep it light and wished them a lovely time, but it wasn't good.

Now I am going to be anxious all day on Tuesday and I'm not convinced he will even bring them, or let me know anything. I won't know what is going on until they appear - or not. I am considering ringing his dm on the day to ask her if he doesn't respond to texts.

WIBU and wtf was the point in mediation? Over the summer he had them far less than we had agreed - must have had a better offer then that has now disappeared.

Feckitall Sun 23-Oct-16 17:49:51

Just a thought...how old is he? You will need to access formalised.
You had children with him...not his mother...
I have had the 'ring his mother' from my sons ex..it has ruined our relationship...Deal with the ex...

notagainnellie Sun 23-Oct-16 17:54:11

Yes, I get that. I should have said the only reason I may ring her is that he is taking the dc there. so it would be 'have they set off yet/do you know what time they intend to? Don't know if knobhead's (wouldn't call him that...) phone is dead, but he's not got back to me.'

There is no relationship to destroy as I haven't spoken to her in 2 years - I suppose that makes it worse. I just don't want to be anxious all day .

T0ddlerSlave Sun 23-Oct-16 17:55:51

I'd text him and say you're expecting dcs back fed at 6pm. And make plans so you're not around fretting in the day.

Fourormore Sun 23-Oct-16 18:01:50

Did you agree a time before they went for holiday contact?
Formalising arrangements may be a better idea for the future.
Either way, there shouldn't have been a discussion in front of the children. Ds2 asked on your behalf? Ex "kept saying he didn't know" sounds like he was asked repeatedly? It's really not good for the kids to be seeing that.

I wouldn't involve his mother either. It's nothing to do with her.

BlueBlueSkies Sun 23-Oct-16 23:08:03

My exh used to do this. He would be vague about when he was bringing the kids back and the more I asked the more elusive he would be. Saying that he was not changing his plans for me, I was not asking for them to be changed, just what were his plans.

He would then tell me that he would bring them back at lunch time, then they would arrive at 7pm, with the kids all stressed as they knew I had been waiting all day.

I had to stop it bothering me, he was like that when we were married, so after leaving him he was not going to get better. When he does something like that now, I am just grateful that I am no longer part of his chaos.

No solution apart from try to find something to occupy yourself at home whilst waiting and be glad that one day he will not be part of your life.

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