To end relationship because of his 12 year old DD?

(230 Posts)
Geraldine81 Sun 23-Oct-16 09:36:32

Been seeing a guy for around 8 months and have recently been getting to know his DD who lives with him. He's lovely and we get on great but the dynamics in the house are just crazy and it's really bothering me, to the point where I'm considering just calling it off.

Basically she rules the house. The first time I went we walked in the living room and she was sprawled across the sofa with make up and hair straighteners, laptop etc all over the living room floor. DP popped his head around the door, introduced me and then said "we better go upstairs" and there we were sat in his bedroom all night like a couple of teeneragers! To make matters worse, she has the master bedroom and he's squashed into the tiny back bedroom. I assumed this was a one off but it's happened almost every time we have gone back on an evening. One night we went back and he said to her "can we have the living room tonight?" And she said "no sorry, I'm busy" and he just said "booo!" And started making his way upstairs!!!!

Another example though was one time we were privately discussing ordering a takeaway to watch with a movie later that night. She heard us and came wading in saying "dad .... what did we discuss about takeaways??" And he said "yes ok" in a bored voice. She walked out and I said "what??" And he said "oh we'd better just cook something that's in".

Now at this point I was getting sick of the whole carry on so I said "sorry but I'm an adult and I want to order a takeaway as we planned. I'm not used to being ordered around by a child. If you don't want to join me I'll go home and enjoy it there". So he said "maybe after she's asleep?" 😳😮 so I told him I was going home because I can't get my head around a 12 year old being in charge and I needed time to think. He's text me constantly since but there are so many other examples of it. I'm thinking I should just sack it off now and save us all the drama or am I being too quick to end it?

Katinkka Sun 23-Oct-16 09:38:45

God. He needs to grow a pair of balls and not call you till he has.

stitchglitched Sun 23-Oct-16 09:39:10

God YANBU, I would end it because he sounds like an absolutely shit father. I would have no respect for him at all after seeing that!

WussyWat Sun 23-Oct-16 09:39:17

Yeah, there's absolutely nothing at all attractive to me about a man being mothered by his 12 year old daughter. It's only been 8 months, I'd be cutting my losses now.

CozyAutumn Sun 23-Oct-16 09:41:45

Yanbu. Run and don't look back!

PollyCazaletWannabe Sun 23-Oct-16 09:42:57

He sounds bonkers. Who allows their 12 year old to hog the living room? Get out fast OP!

Geraldine81 Sun 23-Oct-16 09:43:00

Well after the first few times of being stuck sat in his little bedroom all night I started to refuse to go. He'd say "why won't you come? You wouldn't come last weekend either" so I told him I'm not used to hiding away in box rooms and that as adults, I think it's ridiculous the way we're forced to do that". His answer was "yes you're right, we should just spend more time at your house". !!!! And he was being deadly serious, he thought that was what I wanted to hear.

NoCapes Sun 23-Oct-16 09:43:40

You're not ending it because of his daughter though, but because he's a shit Dad & has no backbone - two very unattractive traits

Tell him to do one

haveacupoftea Sun 23-Oct-16 09:43:51

YANBU

I couldn't fancy him after that.

Badbadtromance Sun 23-Oct-16 09:44:21

Run for the hills

babymouse Sun 23-Oct-16 09:45:11

Yanbu. Do him a favour when you dump him and tell him why.

moreslackthanslick Sun 23-Oct-16 09:45:24

Wow I'd definitely run for the hills there OP. Shame though if everything else is good.
What happens with the daughter when you spend time with him at your house?

altiara Sun 23-Oct-16 09:46:33

Run!

PlumsGalore Sun 23-Oct-16 09:48:45

I actually feel sorry for him, sorry, but I do. He has allowed himself to be bullied because he hasn't any idea how to parents set boundaries.

The sad fact though is that, this isn't going to work long term, can you possibly imagine what sort of step mother you would be seen as further down the line if you try to undo the damage he has done.

I can't see a future.

EmzDisco Sun 23-Oct-16 09:49:36

That is utterly ridiculous, and he really isn't doing his daughter any favours at all either, quite the opposite. She'll really struggle with relationships where she isn't in charge/gets her own way as he wont have taught her how to deal with it. As per PP - run for the hills!

Nicnak2223 Sun 23-Oct-16 09:49:53

Is she alone whilst he stays at your house? Who is looking after he. Whilst you are out?

Agree with pp run for the hills!

HardcoreLadyType Sun 23-Oct-16 09:50:01

It depends on what you want out of a relationship. If you are looking for a more committed relationship, where perhaps you move in together, then I would break it off. This dynamic between him and his DD will not change unless he chooses to do something about it, and you can't rely on that happening.

If you want something more casual, then perhaps you could continue the relationship, but meet up at yours, and never really get involved with his DD.

Onlytimewilltell Sun 23-Oct-16 09:51:05

Omg does she lock him out of the house if he's late home from yours?

AyeAmarok Sun 23-Oct-16 09:51:43

Oh dear God. What a sap!

StillStayingClassySanDiego Sun 23-Oct-16 09:54:21

I'd end the relationship.

Imagine living with them and trying to unpick the damage he's created by being so weak with her.

user1471545174 Sun 23-Oct-16 09:54:34

Yes and tell him exactly why, it's the kind thing.

QuiteLikely5 Sun 23-Oct-16 09:55:33

Outrageous!!!

Why is his child being allowed to act like an adult? That is very damaging to the child!

He sounds pathetic and I'm surprised you have lasted 8 months of his box room!

I can understand him taking the small room but not retreating to it with you whilst letting her have the living room!

Absolutely ridiculous. Show him the thread

Nocabbageinmyeye Sun 23-Oct-16 09:55:40

No sorry it does not depend on what kind of relationship she wants, this is possibly the most ridiculous and unattractive thing I have ever read on mn. Run away op but tell him why first, it's not his dd, it's 100% him and after only eight months it's definitely not worth hanging around to find out if he will have a reality check

MardyGrave Sun 23-Oct-16 09:57:03

What's the situation with her mother? It's an unusual set up for a child not to be living with them, I wonder if she's experienced some turbulent life experiences, which can lead to those around the child to over indulge and spoil them.

ijustwannadance Sun 23-Oct-16 09:57:15

If she lives with him what is the story with her mother?

Is his spoiling her due to some misplaced guilt?

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