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AIBU?

Both parents going to party (plus extra child)?

80 replies

FlapsTie · 22/10/2016 08:30

Ds2 has his second ever birthday party this morning for a child at school (he's in reception). It's a whole class party so there will be 30 children plus parents.

We both went to the first party as it was his first proper one and we wanted to watch him have fun, this meant we had to take 12yo DD with us as she can't be left at home with ds1 (14) as they fight. We were the only couple there, and the only ones who had brought an extra child along (obviously she didn't join in or eat anything, just sat with us).

So I'm overthinking this morning and I've come to the conclusion that only one of us should go this time, most likely DH as a) he drives and b) I have social anxiety and will struggle to go alone. I just think people will look at us with dd and wonder why one of us didn't stay at home. And we'll be thought of as 'that family'.

DH, although happy to go alone, thinks I'm overthinking and it would be fine.

This is a completely new school for us (not the school the older dc went to) and a new group of people, none of whom I knew before ds2 started) and I'm a bit hyper aware of making any awful social faux pas.

I know it's really not the biggest issue in the world but what would you think if it was your child's birthday and a child turned up with both parents and a sibling?

AIBU to think it's not the done thing?

OP posts:

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BlackHillsofDakota · 22/10/2016 08:33

I don't think it matters massively but to be honest I would think it was a bit weird that you all came.

BigGreenOlives · 22/10/2016 08:33

Don't all turn up, it's a party for another child, not your child's chance to shine.

PotteringAlong · 22/10/2016 08:33

Honestly? I'd think you were nuts for both coming and bringing a 12 year old with you who must have been bored rigid.

Gizlotsmum · 22/10/2016 08:34

Did you ask if siblings were allowed?

witsender · 22/10/2016 08:34

I've been to a few primary aged parties now, and on the whole it has been seen as a family thing. So both parents, younger siblings etc. Only exception has been specific events, like pottery painting, bowling etc. Soft play siblings came along and paid their way type thing.

Both parents never been an issue, it's been nice chatting etc. If a sibling that may want to join in then have a think about numbers and costs, if it is likely to have an impact either rethink or ask.

witsender · 22/10/2016 08:35

I wouldn't take a 12 yr old though.

TaggieRR · 22/10/2016 08:36

I would say it's not the done thing to be honest. Does your 12 year old not mind?

Purplepicnic · 22/10/2016 08:36

Follow your gut. It's not the done thing. One of you go.

supercaliforniasurfer · 22/10/2016 08:36

Tbh yes I would have thought you were odd. Either drop and run or one parent stays at that age. Was your 12yo dd not v bored? I have an 11 yo and would have left her at home!

witsender · 22/10/2016 08:37

It depends though, it has been 'the done thing' at all the parties we have been to, so who knows.

GoofyTheHero · 22/10/2016 08:39

Yeah I'd think it was odd.
We're having a party for 3 year old DD and have invited both parents and siblings, but that's because at this age most of her friends are children of our friends if you see what I mean? At school I would definitely think it a bit strange for both parents and sibling to come purely to see their child have fun.

hazeyjane · 22/10/2016 08:39

Well we went to a friend of ds's party with dh, and both our dds, as ds wouldn't have gone otherwise, but we talked to the mum (who is a friend) beforehand who actually was the one who suggested it, so ds could come. It would be unusual to go as a family in normal circumstances, especially without asking.

Witchend · 22/10/2016 08:40

Yes, I would think it odd.
Couldn't your dh take you, come in briefly with you then take your older one (14yos turn this time, I'd guess-otherwise they're gaining from arguing) somewhere for an hour and come back at the end.

EskSmith · 22/10/2016 08:40

You are right, it will look odd. Trust your instincts. Max one of you should go, at this age some parents will even drop and run.

Dontneedausername · 22/10/2016 08:40

Nope, I would think it's a birthday party, not a family outing! Just send your husband and put your feet up at home :)

SpotTheDuck · 22/10/2016 08:40

It varies by area I think, but if you were the only ones who came as a family last time you know now what's normal for this school. So I think just one of you go and the other stay home with your other kids.

FlapsTie · 22/10/2016 08:42

That's fairly conclusive then! I'll stay here and do something nice with DD (DS1 won't get up until midday).

OP posts:

MsVestibule · 22/10/2016 08:42

I might think 'hmm, I wonder why the whole family has come', but as long as it wasn't another younger child who was eating the food and demanding a party bag, I really wouldn't think much of it.

Honestly, I know social anxieties can be difficult to manage, but most of us are more focussed on our own lives to give more than a passing thought to other people's decisions x

AChickenCalledKorma · 22/10/2016 08:43

I'd think it was really odd to be honest and I'd be annoyed about the sibling. She hasn't been invited and there's no reason for her to be there - she should either stay with older sibling or, if they really can't stay in together, one parent should stay at home.

Also, think about the birthday child - do you not think they might find it a bit overwhelming having so many extra people watching them celebrate their birthday? If all 30 children brought three family members that would be 120 people!

DragonMamma · 22/10/2016 08:43

I would think it very strange for both parents and an extra child to turn up.

Only one of you should go.

Sparkletastic · 22/10/2016 08:43

How old is your youngest? Usually the expectation is drop and run and neither parent, and certainly not siblings, should hang around. You don't have to witness every fun event your child experiences. He can tell you about it afterwards.

MyGiddyUncle · 22/10/2016 08:44

Occasionally it's OK - now and again, if we're both free, both dh and I will take the dc to a party or both do the school run (especially if it's a dress up day and we want to see the class dressed up etc). It's nice as a novelty to both be there and chat.

I do think that to do it all the time runs the risk of looking weird. There's one couple in ds1's class and you never, ever see one without the other. They're always both there at school drop off and pick up, at every weekend party and so on. I just think to myself, but why? Doesn't one of you have something you could be getting on with? Getting the dinner or housework done so you can all relax together later? It just seems so...odd.

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Cuppaand2biscuits · 22/10/2016 08:51

I think it's really nice that both of you would like to attend. My dd is year 1 and we've been to a lot of parties. Often both parents come along, usually the same families but it's never been a problem, same as with older sibling. As long as space isn't limited I really don't see why it's a problem.
My friend hates children's parties so she makes her husband attend so they can share the pain!

Nocabbageinmyeye · 22/10/2016 08:52

Yep you would be "that family", to be honest I am shocked you even did it the first time, his first party and you wanted to watch him have fun? That's definitely taking "the firsts" to a ridiculous extreme altogether, you probably already have a few people thinking so I am glad you have decided not to all go this time, besides being just plain weird, imagine at a class party of 30 if each showed with two parents and a child?

Coulddowithanap · 22/10/2016 08:52

DS has just started school and has already been to several parties. There has been a mix of parents who have stayed at the party, some mums, some dads and some couples. Lots of people have taken younger or older siblings, it can't always be helped. I've taken our 9 year old DD along as DH was working and no one minded. She even recognised some older girls so she had some people to chat/play with.

Not sure many people would be happy to leave their 4-5 year olds for a few hours, I know my son isn't ready for me to leave him at a party.

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