I'm really angry about contraception

(234 Posts)
HoneyDragon Fri 21-Oct-16 13:32:27

I have a headache it comes with being at that point in the pack of pills.

And I'm angry. At pretty much all of contraception. Aimed at women because lets face it, we're left holding the baby. Literally and figuratively.

And we're more used to being violated. So a scalpel to the arm for an implant. A piece of metal forced into our uterus. Artificial hormones or stinky spermicides put wherever is convenient for them to work. Uncomfortable but hey it's temporary until it's time to procreate.

And other than condoms, why do we call it protection? Protection from pregnancy. But how many women have had pressure from men over the years for sex if they know they are on the pill. How many men STILL sees woman being 'on the pill' as an excemption, a free pass not to wear a condom, and object when they are told it's not?

I'm angry that as a teen when I had problem periods the GPs soloution was to manage it with hormones and put me on the pill, synthetically managing me. It was years before a sympathetic female GP introduced me to the many other options for managing heavy painful periods.

On a school residential another group of girls noticed it and rumours abounded that I was a slag for a while amongst the boys at school.

And if you have an unplanned pregnancy there is still judging and stigma. Because if a woman is on contraception and falls pregnant it must be her fault. Both my children were unplanned, both times I was asked if perhaps it was self sabotage as I was married and probably secretly wanted them. Over twenty odd years of contraception two pregnancies isn't bad odds in my book. An unplanned pregnancy should not be considered a woman's failure angry However conversely if you manage to get pregnant after trying for a long time (which is wonderful) people describe this happily as 'nature finds a way'. Nature is only allowed to find her way through the sadness of infertility it seems, not man made barriers to pregnancy. confused

For many women hormones cause depression, the coil can cause uncomfortable periods and all the other assorted crap. In the 60 years since the 'Sexual revolution' technology has moved on amazingly so why the fucking hell is contraception still so unutterably medically and socially SHIT? angry

<stomps off to neck more Ibroprofen>

Pisssssedofff Fri 21-Oct-16 13:34:26

Well I just get him to use a condom, most men are actually fine with it or getting the snip

HoneyDragon Fri 21-Oct-16 13:36:40

Getting the snip before they've had kids?

Soubriquet Fri 21-Oct-16 13:37:56

I feel you Honey

I've just had to come off the mirena as I had terrible side affects...that I was fobbed off with to begin with.

Why in 2016 is there not a good contraceptive?

I know they have come out with the male pill now. It's been released somewhere but I'm not sure where. Men's reaction?

"No I'm not taking it. Not my job."

Though the side affect of that can be impotence so it's not ideal anyway

Pisssssedofff Fri 21-Oct-16 13:39:08

If they don't want kids they've had the snip.
Before or after.
I honestly do not think most men object to condoms if the subject is raised.

chickenowner Fri 21-Oct-16 13:40:04

Just imagine what life was like for woman before there was any contraception available!

The repeated pregnancies, the high risk of dying during childbirth, the terrible stigma of being an unmarried mother.

I am extremely grateful for the choices that we now have.

Nanny0gg Fri 21-Oct-16 13:40:58

I'm past the stage of childbearing now, but even with a husband I had every faith in, I would never have left contraceptive responsibility entirely to him.

It would be my body that had to deal with the consequences.

StrawberryQuik Fri 21-Oct-16 13:41:36

When I read on here about women's experiences with depression/bloating/heavy bleeding with the hormonal contraception I thank my lucky stars that when I tried the pill I got such a terrible migraine that the go said I was probably allergic to hormones and it wouldn't be a good idea to try any more!

I've been with DH since age 20 and he's never minded using condoms, quite frankly if he'd pressured me to try something else after me explaining I was most probably allergic I would have broken up with him.

They've worked fine, only got pregnant once started we trying to a baby.

AnotherEmma Fri 21-Oct-16 13:41:48

YANBU but I'm sure plenty of people will pipe up to say that you are.

Contraception is a feminist issue. There aren't a lot of feminists in AIBU wink

HoneyDragon Fri 21-Oct-16 13:41:56

I don't want to be grateful, not now. I want better.

Women also didn't have a lot of choice over whether to have sex or who it was with, then. I'm not grateful that that's changed.

AnotherEmma Fri 21-Oct-16 13:43:27

Ah but we're supposed to be grateful for the advances that have already been made and stop arguing for any more wink

ILoveMyMonkey Fri 21-Oct-16 13:44:42

Ibuprofen can cause headaches so you end up in a viscious cycle of headache so take pills which cause headaches and thus take more pills. Also ibuprofen is part of the NSAIDs which if taken regularly can cause stomach bleeding so you shouldn't take them regularly.

As for contraception, if you don't like using it then don't, tell you DH to get the snip or use condoms. There are non hormonal options out there to choose from.

Sparklesilverglitter Fri 21-Oct-16 13:45:38

I have never had a man refuse to use a condom, for me it's simple if they want sex then they have to wear the condom. You do not have to have sex with anyone that "refuses" to wear a condom.

For me I take the pill at the moment, but after Christmas DH will look in to get the snip privately as we are sure after having our first baby this year we will not have another one

AnchorDownDeepBreath Fri 21-Oct-16 13:45:49

It does suck.

The male pill caused very high levels of impotency. I don't believe it'll be widely adopted.

I'm lucky that the pill does nothing to me - so far no weight gain, no headaches, no depression. It may well change when I have kids, I believe, but I've had a good ten years on it.

The other options are no gos for me. The idea of the coil gives me nightmares, the implant scares me. You'd think there would be a better way by now...

hoofwankingbunglecunt Fri 21-Oct-16 13:46:09

I am having my Mirena out in the new year and after DC2 my DH will be having a vasectomy. I am sick of being fat/tired/spotty/depressed etc after 20+ years of contraception.

Showmetheminstrels Fri 21-Oct-16 13:46:15

You're totally right.

Personally if a man refused to wear condoms when asked that would be it for me with him.

We've had our kids and my husband had the snip when I asked him without any whinging. Yep, totally, he said. You've had them, now it's my turn.

So there are men out there. But yeah. I agree wth you.

elvisola Fri 21-Oct-16 13:47:19

Yep. I've had a whole myriad of contraception since my youngest was born 6 years ago. Implant made me angry and depressed plus I bled constantly for 2 years until the family planning clinic took it out (after GP refused). Pill makes me have migraines, gain weight and utterly lose sex drive, making contraception meaningless anyway as I totally can't bear to be touched.

Can't have a coil unless I want to endure a general anaesthetic as my cervix is scarred from letz. Won't touch an injection as once it's in your stuck with whatever side effects it cares to give you. Patch same hormones as others which haven't agreed with me and don't fancy a patch stuck to me anyway.

I don't want to use condoms or those diaphragm things. I just want a healthy, spontaneous sex life at the age of 41 with my husband, without risking a pregnancy.

So now after all this, now I have finished my family will the GP just sterilise me? No, will they fuck!

missbishi Fri 21-Oct-16 13:47:23

YANBU. Has anyone ever heard of Saheli or Ormeloxifene? It is a a non-hormonal, non-steroidal oral contraceptive which you take once per week. Currently only available in India though. I'd love to give it a try.

MadHattersWineParty Fri 21-Oct-16 13:47:31

Well I was on the pill through my own absolute choice for 15 years. I liked the fact that I was the one in control. Didn't have any side effects. Did use condoms at various points as did not fancy one of the many STIs that are widely available.

Was going out with a dickhead bloke a couple of years ago who proclaimed how great it was I was on the pill as he hated condoms. Then I had a huge blood clot in my lung and had to come off it.

I very nearly died and one of the first things he said was, when I was still in hospital, 'what we we going to do for contraception now?'

Next day he comes to visit with all this literature he's printed off about the Mirena coil. 'How low-maintenance!' He says. 'How easy it'll be to fit! You won't even know it's there!'

And like the absolute bloody fool I was I booked an appointment to have it fitted.

Easy to fit??? I wasn't offered any pain relief as I thought it'd be a breeze. My cervix went into spasm as they clamped it open and I vomited and passed out

Not even know it's there? A year of sickly horrid pain every time I ovulated. Breakthrough bleeding. Swollen uterus.

Funnily enough that twat was long gone about a month after having the damn thing fitted.

So I've had a fair few rants about contraception too. I'm back on the pill but now deemed low risk. As soon as I've done the baby bit DP is getting the snip, and he knows it.

Sorry that was so long!

carmenta Fri 21-Oct-16 13:47:56

I agree, OP. I haven't used hormonal contraception since my early twenties as a result, condoms are fine.

TaraCarter Fri 21-Oct-16 13:48:26

YANBU.

I am still so fucking furious that a support worker pressured me to go on the pill because "condoms aren't reliable enough and you want to go to university".

Cue severe depression, the symptoms of which included agoraphobia which left me unable to leave to buy food in the supermarket, never mind attend college. I went from A grades to Us and was lucky to leave with Cs.

It is now being publicised that the pill can cause depression, but I already worked that out. Incidentally, before and since, I have never had a condom failure.

stitchglitched Fri 21-Oct-16 13:48:46

I agree OP. After my last baby the GP spent most of my 6 week check trying to persuade me to get a coil fitted. I told him I had no plans to resume PIV any time soon and would use condoms if and when we did until DP could get a vasectomy. He seemed confused that I wasn't going to be having sex now that 6 weeks had passed and it felt like his aim was for me to be 'implanted/injected with something so that I was 'penetration-ready' for my partner. I had just been through a complicated pregnancy and birth and had no desire to be pumped with hormones or have yet another invasive procedure done.

DoinItFine Fri 21-Oct-16 13:49:34

I love your OP smile

I love how you've written it, a real cry of rage and frustration.

I stopped taking the pill (and all hormonal contraceptives) in my 20s because they made me into a fat lunatic.

Condoms don't have any side effects.

HoneyDragon Fri 21-Oct-16 13:49:47

I haven't said anything about all men. I have a nice husband who will get the snip.

And that's all well and good for those of us that are done with Off springing.

(I did know that about Ibroprofen but it's all that's in the house at present smile)

But when I stop and think it does make me angry. It's not good enough. And there are enough anecdotes on just Mumsnet over the years to show that what I mention in my op does happen.

leedy Fri 21-Oct-16 13:50:15

This is pretty interesting on the subject of contraception side-effects: broadly.vice.com/en_us/article/the-racist-and-sexist-history-of-keeping-birth-control-side-effects-secret

I also can't use hormones at all, mostly used condoms but now fortunately seem to tolerate the copper coil pretty well, though I could do without the slightly longer periods. Essentially what I want is some kind of on/off switch...

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