to have had a go at the neighbours last night?

[Shadowboy]

Background: we live in a lovely 1930's semi in a pretty, quiet and small hamlet. The area is very rural and quiet- basically why we chose the house.

Our neighbours are generally great. They are an older couple with a 20 something son who still lives at home.
The worst thing about them is that the son stays up late and often goes outside to smoke pot and then slams the door on coming in which vibrates the whole house and can sometimes be as late at 1am which wakes us all up but we don't mention it as the family are lovely in other respects and it doesn't happen daily- maybe one or two nights per week.

However, Wednesday night (working weeknight) they had a party until gone 2am. There was lots of door slamming, banging, music, singing, dog barking (they were obviously teasing their dog) etc etc so non of us actually got much sleep and I had to get up for 6am for work. We let it go as they don't normally do this.
But then last night at close to midnight it all starts up again and they start letting fireworks off in the garden....... needless to say my husband flipped as we were desperate for sleep and he swore at them over the garden fence.

It all went quiet and they did actually stop.

However do you think he acted unreasonably? He is feeling really guilty for swearing and breaking up the party. I think we wouldn't have minded had it been a weekend or had it only been one night. But we were concerned as our two year old was stirring and we both have work in the week so it was starting to affect us.

Should we apologise for breaking up the party?

[YouJustWouldntLetItLieWouldYa]

Meh. I don't blame him for losing it, only a complete arsehole wouldnt have realised they were taking liberties.

[reallybadidea]

What? No of course he shouldn't apologise. I'd have gone round at midnight on the first occasion to ask them to STFU. If you apologise then they will think it's OK to do it again.

[PoshPenny]

Don't apologise and ask them to fix the door so that the son doesn't need to slam it closed.

[29redshoes]

Wasn't unreasonable to be fed up of it. Sounds like your husband went a bit 0 to 60 though, surely it would have been better to politely ask them to be quiet before swearing at them?

I wouldn't apologise though.

[HazelBite]

Is it the couple or the son who had the party and the fireworks?

[HarleyQuinzel]

Not at all, they should apologise.

I would have gone round the first night and explained I needed to be up at 6.

[Shadowboy]

Hazelbite- it was a 50th birthday for the mum apparently. They were all present plus a few guests.

Yes my husband did probably go a bit 0-60 - I think he was just shattered and got 'the rage'

[DavidPuddy]

And why don't you just mention to the son that you hear the door when he slams it? He just doesn't realise and am sure will try not to when he does (though he will continue. Noisy, slammy people don't change without a lot of effort).

There is no need for it to be a big deal if you don't bring it up aggressively, and no need to even discuss it with the parents.

[DavidPuddy]

If they didn't want the party broken up they should have waited til the weekend. I imagine they are feeling a bit sheepish today. I don't think your husband ought to feel bad. Just wish her a happy birthday to let them know it's water under the bridge.

[Matchingbluesocks]

What on earth is wrong with your house that in a 1930s semi the whole units shakes when someone slams a door? That's very very strange.

I think it would've been better to go round and ask them politely to keep it down tbh, that is what usually happens when you want neighbours to stop making noise

[Happyhippy45]

Prob not best to swear at them since you get on with them ok.
You need to deal delicately with situations like this.
I would apologise for swearing but explain why it happened. (Getting disturbed multiple nights in a row.) They are probably completely unaware the son banging the door disturbs you so much.
We had to have uncomfortable conversations with our neighbours regarding noise. They are lovely people and we felt bad telling them but we had to as we were getting woken up at silly o'clock. Walls are wafer thin and zero sound proofing between houses. They have a different schedule than us. They are up much earlier than us and partly run a business from home. Lots of running up and down the stairs etc. Got to be dealt with civilly or else there will be potential problems.

[Shadowboy]

Matching blue socks- no idea, it just sort of reverberates through the walls- we can even hear it in the extension. It's a pretty solid house but must just be the position of the door or something.

Yes he should have been more polite, hence why he feels maybe he should apologise- like I said I think he was just so tired he got angry.

I just hope we haven't soured relations too much.

[Nanny0gg]

Did they warn you about the parties? Normal neighbourly courtesy.

No? Their fault then.

[aginghippy]

I wouldn't apologise for breaking up the party. I might apologise for the swearing, but in the context of explaining the problem with the door, how all the noise disturbs you and therefore you haven't been sleeping.

[8misskitty8]

I would go round and apologise for the swearing but tell them about the door slamming at 1am a few nights a week and that up till this week you have been able to ignore it mostly despite disturbing your sleep and your Ds. But having a party until the early hours of the week 2 nights in a row is really not acceptable especially since it is mid week and people around have work next day.

[RB68]

Flowers for the Mum and I would explain the situation re the door re the previous party and winding dogs up and that you don't want to fall out but things had been ramping up and hence the response.

[SistersOfPercy]

What on earth is wrong with your house that in a 1930s semi the whole units shakes when someone slams a door? That's very very strange

1970's semi here. NDN has a wooden back door. She lets the dog out for a wee before she goes to bed which can be 1/2am. The resulting bang actually shakes our bed.
We had a word, she claims the door swells in the wet. That was 4 years ago and it's still as bad.
Weirdly we don't hear the TV, voices etc, just the bloody door.

OP, your neighbours are U doing that on a weeknight. Sleep depravation makes the best of us snap.

[Lorelei76]

He wasn't U at all.

[Runny]

Of course he shouldn't apologise. Anyone who has late night, rowdy parties on a week night is a selfish twat. Letting off fireworks at almost midnight is just plain anti social.

[PersianCatLady]

they start letting fireworks off in the garden
Say no more, they are arseholes.

Aside from on 5 November and 31 December personally I think that nobody should be allowed to let off fireworks in a residential area.

[imip]

Circa 2000 semi here. House shudders when neighbour's slam their front live in party central (inner London) - and parties all the time, but I'd have gotten the rage with fireworks that late.

[monkeywithacowface]

i lost my shit with the neighbours when they decided to have a 30 minute conversation on their driveway at 3am. It's wasn't even in hushed tones and the guy was sat in his car with the headlights on and the engine running. I was a bit "seriously could you not have had this chat in the house before you left?"