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AIBU?

To think 'look after the children' is not really the case....?

18 replies

summersoversnoopy · 20/10/2016 19:12

not sure if this is the right place but I need to get it off my chest - have just had an email from my ex husband, confirming that he is 'able to look after the children' on the dates specified surely, you are spending quality time with them? The dates are when they are free over half term. I don't need him to 'look after' his own children ffs, why phrase it like that? It's changed recently, he knows I go out some afternoons when he has them, hence the change of phrase from 'available to see them' to 'look after the children' it's really annoyed me - am I being unreasonable? If he doesn't see them, I still get to go out, they go to grandmas he isn't doing me a favour - far from it

OP posts:

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KohINoorPencil · 20/10/2016 19:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fruitboxjury · 20/10/2016 19:15

What would you rather he said?

reallyanotherone · 20/10/2016 19:16

E-mail back and tell him that you don't need him to "look after the children".

Point out if he doesn't want to see them that's on him but seeing them is for his and the children's benefit, not yours.

ThisUsernameIsAvailable · 20/10/2016 19:16

I understand what you mean, he's making it sound like he's doing you a favour

Frouby · 20/10/2016 19:17

Just send a message back 'thanks for confirming that you are available to look after our dcs at those times. Just to confirm I will.be available to look after them the rest of the time that week'.

Meadows76 · 20/10/2016 19:17

I think you need to get out more. I look after my children, as I'm sure you do yours, so why should he not be the same? Gross overthinking and being annoyed for nothing.

Gottagetmoving · 20/10/2016 19:19

He is looking after them. When they are with you, you are looking after them. You can still have quality time and fun when you look after children.
You are being picky.

BeattieBowRisenFromTheDead · 20/10/2016 19:19

YANBU IMO. He's phrasing it like he's doing you a favour! Really is spot on that this is about the relationship between him and his children, it's sod all to do with you and he's not doing you a favour by maintaining a relationship with his own kids!

Thatwaslulu · 20/10/2016 19:19

No I get you OP. I get stabby when I hear people saying that their OH is "looking after the kids" while they are out, or their non resident parent is "looking after" them. No, they are not. They are "at home" with their children. Or "staying in with their children". The term "looking after" implies some sort of favour or obligation rather than the usual transaction between a parent and child.

A grandparent, or sibling, or friend, may "look after" a child...

That is all

wheresthel1ght · 20/10/2016 19:19

I think yabu sorry.

I check with Dp he can look after dd (or dsc) if I am making plans to do something. It is a turn of phrase. Unless he has form for not being involved then I think you are massively over reacting

ThatStewie · 20/10/2016 19:19

Oh that is so patronising. It's the up scale version of 'baby sitting' his own children.

PotteringAlong · 20/10/2016 19:20

But he is looking after them.,,

AyeAmarok · 20/10/2016 19:27

I get you. This would annoy me too.

HormonalConfusion · 20/10/2016 19:33

But he is looking after them.

Dictionary definition of look after: "to take care of someone or something and make certain that they have everything they need" Isn't that what you want him to do?

He's not just "spending quality time" as you put it - things like making dinner, taking to toilet, etc aren't really how you would normally spend time with someone but they are part of looking after/caring.

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 20/10/2016 19:42

I get you. It's the exP version of what my friends DP does when he 'babysits' their children. It says something very clear about how he sees their roles in bring up their kids.

Especially since 'not wanting to babysit' doesn't necessarily mean he's got something else to do.

tofutti · 20/10/2016 19:44

Ha. You could say 'Do you mean you're having your own children On those days?'

Or as Frouby says, emphasise that you will be looking after the children at all other times.

KC225 · 20/10/2016 19:47

I think it's just a turn of phrase, annoying if you read too much into it. But with people who rile us, it is so easy to do. Rise above it, he is having his own children, choose your battles.

angryangryyoungwoman · 20/10/2016 19:48

It's the same to me as "helping" with housework when you live somewhere. The wording makes it sound as if it is your responsibility and he's doing you a favour...
However, I would ignore it. Or use the same phraseology back to him as pp suggested

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