To think that 14 year olds in a relationship should not be classed as 'couples'.

(184 Posts)
Elendon Wed 19-Oct-16 17:08:22

It just beggars belief that this should be the case. They are not in a relationship, nor are they couples. Nor should they be seen as being so. How can two 14/15 year old children be seen as being in adult enough to do the things 'couples' do?

Soubriquet Wed 19-Oct-16 17:10:56

Why shouldn't they be

They are in a relationship, having sex and believe they are in love.

A girlfriend and a boyfriend are a couple

DiegeticMuch Wed 19-Oct-16 17:13:53

If they're dating exclusively they're a couple. No one would call them adults, but the term "couple" is fine imo.

Bruce02 Wed 19-Oct-16 17:14:22

I don't really see the problem. I suppose it depends on what yiu view of 'a couple' is.

My view is that its two people exclusively dating. So it would fit it for me.

livingthegoodlife Wed 19-Oct-16 17:17:23

I'd hope they weren't having sex! I agree with OP

TeenAndTween Wed 19-Oct-16 17:17:28

I agree with OP. I feel it gives a signal of 'permanence' to something which at that age should be view as transitory.

LineyReborn Wed 19-Oct-16 17:17:45

From what the Guardian have published today - www.theguardian.com/society/2016/oct/19/lincolnshire-launches-serious-case-review-over-teenage-spalding-killers - the boy and girl started seeing each other when they were just 13.

They have been convicted of murders that took place when they were 14.

Another report says they now do not speak or have any contact.

I get where you're going with this, OP, as the Guardian report makes me feel very disquieted about the girl's level of contact with social services and mental health services in the years from when she was small to just before the murders.

But a woman and and another child were murdered and the Serious Case Review needs to do its job now.

Somerville Wed 19-Oct-16 17:21:41

Where have you heard 14 year old boyfriend/girlfriend being called a couple?

I have a 15 YO and I've never heard this.

But I would never use it about a young boyfriend/girlfriend. To my mind (perhaps incorrectly) it has links with the verb 'to couple' which means having sex. And the 14 YO's I know mostly are not having sex, according to DD.

Elendon Wed 19-Oct-16 17:23:06

Two teens seen as couples? Exclusively dating? Having sex at 14? I'm poor (but not stupid) but even I can see the pitfalls in this. Others might well be rich and intelligent and can see that this is ok.

I would put couples at an age range of 18 and onward. It's the adult thing to aspire to when a teenager, not something to cement when you are 14.

Somerville Wed 19-Oct-16 17:23:12

Ah, x post.

StStrattersOfMN Wed 19-Oct-16 17:24:56

Message deleted by MNHQ. We're removing as we think this could be identifying. Talk Guidelines.

Elendon Wed 19-Oct-16 17:25:41

Liney in that article they were described as a couple. I find this disturbing.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta Wed 19-Oct-16 17:27:56

I would put couples at an age range of 18 and onward.

You know that 16 yos can get married in the U.K., right? So would two married 16 yos count as a couple?

OneMillionScovilles Wed 19-Oct-16 17:31:18

@Stratters You can ask it - but I think if you were right we'd be in legal hot water for saying so.

StStrattersOfMN Wed 19-Oct-16 17:35:15

Fair enough. You're right, I'll get it deleted.

LineyReborn Wed 19-Oct-16 17:37:24

The prosecution psychiatrist referred to them as a kind of 'Bonnie and Clyde' I think. Very damaging for her defence, I'd have thought, to be compared to an adult woman bank robber in an established criminal and personal relationship. The crimes were horrific, e stuff of nightmares, but if they were committed by children in a relationship of damaged desperation then that will come out in the SCR report.

Yes I believe the court heard they were having sex at 14.

MrsJayy Wed 19-Oct-16 17:41:14

Boy friend and girlfriend are a couple 14/15 year olds see themselves in a relationship if they are going out a month. What do you think teenagers should say ?

Elendon Wed 19-Oct-16 17:41:50

Yes sixteen if you go to Scotland without parental permission.

But seriously, is 14/15 an age in which you are happy for your children to be seen as couples?

And I would say that during teenage most young people are discovering their sexuality. To cement their choice of boyfriend or girlfriend does not make them couples.

I know that teenagers explore sexuality and sexual practices - whatever happened to mutual pleasure without penetration? - it's all part of the exciting life ahead (until pregnancy is an issue for some of those teenagers). But couples they are not.

Elendon Wed 19-Oct-16 17:48:14

Well go to the relationships board and see that if someone says that I'm in a relationship and a couple but has been seeing this person for a month, then they will be told that this isn't the case. Not for a month long relationship.

So is coupling only seen now as a teenage thing?

AppleJac Wed 19-Oct-16 17:49:36

I understand what you mean op.

To me a couple is a serious relationship (over 12 months) but before that you are dating. I knew a girl once that used to refer to a boyfriend she had only been with 2 weeks as her other half! I was abit hmm

Children are not couples, they are dating

WordGetsAround Wed 19-Oct-16 17:52:32

I agree with OP

MrsJayy Wed 19-Oct-16 17:54:46

Teen relationships can obviously be intense though they see themselves as boyfriend and girlfriend what are adults meant to say no your not ?

thatsn0tmyname Wed 19-Oct-16 17:56:21

Is that really the important issue here?

mycatstares Wed 19-Oct-16 17:57:59

I was with my dp at 15 and we're still happily together now years down the line..

biscuit

LineyReborn Wed 19-Oct-16 18:00:24

Sorry I originally put this on another related thread instead of here. It's from the Guardian.

The court heard that the pair first embarked on a romance in May 2015, nearly a year before the killings were carried out in April, developing what a consultant forensic psychiatrist, Dr Philip Joseph, described as a toxic “Bonnie and Clyde”-style relationship.

Appearing as an expert witness for the prosecution, Joseph said the 15-year-olds would not have killed without each other and insisted their crimes had no connection to any mental illness, as had been claimed in the girl’s defence.

But the girl did have severe mental health issues and had been in care at some point because of an incident of domestic violence. She attempted suicide shortly before the murders.

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