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AIBU?

To fake a letter from the council?

84 replies

BrumBrumBishes · 19/10/2016 07:24

Have 4 children. 3 boys in one room. From 6 am (sometimes 5.30am) they wake up shout, bicker, squabble.
Scare each other. Chase each other.

"Get out of my bed!"
"I'm telling mum!!"
"That's mine!"
....que tears .

I'm sick to death of it. Seriously.

I don't know what to do. I've lost my temper so many times because my wake up call everyday is a barrage of noise and fighting.

AIBU to fake a letter from the council about noise pollution or a complaint from a neigbour saying they have to stop all the noises in the morning or we will be evicted?

I don't know what else to do. It's really upsetting me.

My mental health is already in decline for other reasons and this is just making me hate waking up.

OP posts:

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NoahVale · 19/10/2016 07:25

how old are the boys?

seems an extreme solution

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Lilaclily · 19/10/2016 07:27

How many bedrooms ? Could someone sleep in with you?

I doubt a fake letter will help but taking away pocket money, toys, phones etc will depending in ages ? Need more info to be able to give advice really

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Lilaclily · 19/10/2016 07:28

For example how old is presumably fourth child who is a girl? Could one boy go in with her ?

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NoahVale · 19/10/2016 07:30

can you not quietly explain that the neighbours have had a Word,
do they have a clock in their room.
can they be persuaded to be quiet before a certain time in the morning?

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Shesgotelectricboobs · 19/10/2016 07:31

I was going to say no that's fraud.

But if it's only to show to your kids....I don't see the harm.

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myownprivateidaho · 19/10/2016 07:32

Is the fighting actually "serious" -- can you just leave them to get on with it? I don't really know how you can stop children bickering. But it does seem to be a habit they've got into. Any chance of reconfiguring the bedrooms (changing who gets to be on their own for e.g.) to make a change? Or just have harsh punishments for noise before a certain time but maybe you've tried that.

I don't think it would be unreasonable to fake a letter if you think it would actually work!

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RatOnnaStick · 19/10/2016 07:32

Sympathies here. I have two boys 3 and 6 who have the ability to be exactly the same if I let it. Mine respond better to rewards than threats normally so they know they don't get something if they muck about beyond the point my ears start to bleed...

I would probably start by taking away every conceivable privilege and let them earn it all back by behaving in the mornings. You might have to get all Sargeant-Major Zero-Tolerance on them first though.

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NNChangeAgain · 19/10/2016 07:32

It seems an odd solution - Why do you think they'd respect a letter from authority or a neighbour more than they respect you?

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BrumBrumBishes · 19/10/2016 07:34

I've told them the neighbours are upset (they aren't)

They don't get pocket money.
I've taken all their electronics and favourite toys away. They've been banned from their tablets for weeks now.

I just thought it might be a real wake up call but they probably wouldn't care anyways.

They are essentially good kids. They do very well in school. Are polite to people. Kind and thoughtful but they just fight all morning and seem to have no sense of volume control.

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BrumBrumBishes · 19/10/2016 07:35

Because they listen to their teachers but not me.

I'm not putting one in with DD because she sits quiet happily in her room drawing or reading and if one of them goes in her room they instantly start to upset her so it would just make it 10x worse.

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NoahVale · 19/10/2016 07:36

have you tried responding with a quiet voice?

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NoahVale · 19/10/2016 07:37

i spose its too late for one to share with his sister?

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Andrewofgg · 19/10/2016 07:38

Do you seriously think they would fall for it?

Not a chance!

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J0kersSmile · 19/10/2016 07:40

Personally I'd tell them if they can keep quiet till 6 they'll be allowed to go downstairs by themselves and watch TV. Any arguing will stop this privilege.

My dc also argue all the time atm, I send them straight to their rooms. I don't take away tech (that's for really bad behavior) but they can bugger off and be by themselves if they can't be nice.

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Lweji · 19/10/2016 07:45

Tell them that for a quiet morning they can get privileges back, but will be taken again if there's noise or fights.

You may need to practise a calm quiet commanding voice.
Practise in front of the mirror.

Tell them what you want to happen, not what you don't want.
"I want you to be quiet until 7am at least.", for example.

How old are they? Can you put the eldest in charge?

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ThatGingerOne · 19/10/2016 07:48

Sounds like a good idea to me if they're old enough to understand. My mother did stuff like this and it worked on my brothers - she also found my brother had stolen when he was younger and dragged him to a police station for a tour of the cells. She was a creative disciplinarian.

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Papergirl1968 · 19/10/2016 07:50

It might be more effective to fake a letter from Santa reminding them that Christmas isn't that far away and that he is keeping an eye on them. I faked one from the tooth fairy once...

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NNChangeAgain · 19/10/2016 07:59

Because they listen to their teachers but not me.

So recruit the help of the school. Most schools now have a family liaison officer role, whose job it is to support parents in order to maximise the DCs learning. Tell them you're struggling, and that you believe your DS would listen to someone else telling them.

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SeasonalVag · 19/10/2016 08:03

If they won't listen to you, they won't care about a letter. I'd get a "policeman" around. Do you know any?

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ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay · 19/10/2016 08:07

Take away everything until they get it. Telly. Electronics. Games. Trips out. Literally they go to school and then home to their room where they can do homework or read. Any messing about gets one more day added on to the sentence. They will work together and realise they all have to behave.

Oh and as for your neighbours apparently not being upset, I bet they bloody are!

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SemiNormal · 19/10/2016 08:10

Personally I wouldn't get a teacher or a policeman to do the discipline that should be done at home, my son is terrified of one of his teachers due to other teachers using him as a constant threat, it got so bad my son wanted to move schools.

Honestly if I was really really really sick of it then I'd empty the bedroom of ALL toys, everything. Leaving just beds/wardrobes. For every morning they can be quiet they get to choose a toy to return to the bedroom.

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Badbadbunny · 19/10/2016 08:11

Sorry, but they're your kids, you're responsibility. YOU need to get control of them. Faking a letter is just trying to abdicate YOUR responsibility and even if your kids believe it and it works, it gives a signal to them that you're not in control. You can't go through the next 10/15 years getting other people to discipline/control your children. Are you sending mixed messages, i.e. shouting and losing your temper with them one minute and then being all friendly and loving the next? If so, they won't have a clue where they stand and will just ignore you when you're trying to control them. You need to lose the extremes and teach yourself to be firm in a non-shouty, non-aggressive way. If you make threats, then carry them out and be firm with it - no going soft when the tears start.

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nannybeach · 19/10/2016 08:14

You dont want to use the Police as a threat, we usually tell kids that they can go to the police if they are scared of anyone. I am sure the neighbours ARE upset, how old are the kids? Unfortunately, kids DO argue especially when they share a space, My grands kids are 5 and 6 and similar behaviour, I tried telling them people had complained because of the noise, it didnt make a happenth of difference!

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EveOnline2016 · 19/10/2016 08:14

I would change the morning routine as they sound bored.

You also need to do sort out the behaviour, just not in a way where you are planning to use false bribes.

So for example 'mum he is on my bed' well seeing as he likes to go on that bed he has to strip the bed ready for washing.

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FurryLittleTwerp · 19/10/2016 08:22

How is their bedroom divided up? If they bicker over space I'd put tape on the carpet & walls to define separate areas. Even with bunks this would be possible.

If you've already taken away tablets etc, then they really only have fighting & carrying on with which to entertain themselves. I'd allow tablets in the morning to keep them quieter, but use bad behaviour to limit evening electronic fun.

Are they motivated by money or treats? My DS was, very, when small. A quiet morning, or being kind & helpful, or whatever you think would work, could earn a coin, or even a marble in a jar (a jar each to introduce a little healthy competition) - these would then add up to a treat of some sort - doesn't have to be anything fancy or expensive.