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AIBU?

To say no to MIL who we haven't seen since April!

35 replies

pumpkinpiesforsupper · 18/10/2016 19:45

Just to get some reassurance that I'm not just being a hormonal cow Hmm

The last time MIL made the effort to come over, see us, or let her visit her was April the 27th.

We try every week to make contact, however she's always busy with work/other grandchild/tired. Anyway, we carry on asking as we really would like to see her and for her to be an active part of our 3DCs lives.

I am 30 weeks pregnant with number 4, she text today saying ' DH said you'd let me come to a scan, you haven't invited me to any' as I had a growth scan this afternoon, afterwards she text 'send pic then' and I haven't.

To be honest I want to reply saying something about how I thought she wouldn't have the time for growth scans considering she can't see us or the children for over 25 weeks...

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fc301 · 18/10/2016 19:49

Ugh! Ignore.
Then let DH deal with it.

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Optimist3 · 18/10/2016 19:53

Just say 'id much rather see you another time so we can have a proper catch up'

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ssd · 18/10/2016 19:53

send a pic in a few weeks and if she complains say you were busy with work/other grandchild/tired

play her at her own game

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Trifleorbust · 18/10/2016 19:54

Urgh. Why should you invite relatives to your scans? So intrusive.

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ToadsforJustice · 18/10/2016 19:58

Ignore her. Stop trying to encourage contact each week. Let her make the effort.

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duxb · 18/10/2016 20:00

Why did your DH say that you'd let her come to a scan? If your relationship is as strained as it is, why would that be a suitable option for something so personal? If she has been given the impression that you'd invite her and you haven't, then your husband needs to sort that out and explain.

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usual · 18/10/2016 20:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nephrofox · 18/10/2016 20:04

Say you'd prefer she spent her limited time on building a relationship with the walking talking grandchildren you've already birthed, rather than hanging around a hospital to view a picture on a screen

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pumpkinpiesforsupper · 18/10/2016 20:05

My DH actually hasn't told her she can come to anything, but she often says 'oh DH said....' So I'll agree to things.

I'm just annoyed, I feel like this is really rude and I would be embarrassed to ask to come when I have grandchildren here who she cannot see but an unborn baby on a screen and suddenly she can find time!

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CrohnicallyPregnant · 18/10/2016 20:06

Did you even get a pic for a growth scan? I didn't. And I wasn't allowed anyone other than DH in the scan room. People forget, it's a medical procedure, not done for fun!

If you do have pics then I'd suggest saying 'well, you can look at the pics next time you come over...'

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pumpkinpiesforsupper · 18/10/2016 20:07

They are lovely at our hospital and always give us pictures should we want them, I paid for some for her last time which she's yet to collect so I feel a bit petty but I have purposely not facebooked them to her. Why should she be able to show off these scan pictures when she can't be bothered...

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usual · 18/10/2016 20:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrohnicallyPregnant · 18/10/2016 20:09

There you go then- remind her you still have the photos waiting for her and 'seeing as you're too busy to pop by and pick them up I didn't think you had the time spare to come to the scan!'

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CrohnicallyPregnant · 18/10/2016 20:10

It's not exactly tit for tat- the OP has some photos waiting, all MIL has to do is collect them!

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Lymmmummy · 18/10/2016 20:12

Agree with PP ignore

Her whole behaviour seems extremely high handed and ignorant

I would also knock it on the head with contacting her making all the effort - I would just take a step back from her - if she gets a bit nasty tell DH to deal with her - keep it cordial but a bit more distant

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mum11970 · 18/10/2016 20:14

How far away does MIL live? I take it you haven't been to see her either. Contact works both ways.

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pumpkinpiesforsupper · 18/10/2016 20:15

To be honest I think if I didn't make contact first with her each week we wouldn't hear from her at all.

DH is saying when baby comes along she'll want to be first to be at the hospital visiting but he's said to tell her to forget it, I've had a rough pregnancy and her help at some stages would of been appreciated, seeing as she has her DDS child everyday of the week it's not like she doesn't like children.

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pumpkinpiesforsupper · 18/10/2016 20:16

Mum - in my messages I always say 'let's catch up this weekend, you are welcome to come to us or we can pop to you' so it is completely in her favour.

She lives 10 minutes away by car.

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ImperialBlether · 18/10/2016 20:18

I don't understand grandparents like this. Surely when your children have children your family expands? You don't just cut them off!

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MontyPythonsFlyingFuck · 18/10/2016 20:36

"he's said to tell her to forget it"

No, HE should tell her to forget it. She's his mother, not yours!

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moreslackthanslick · 18/10/2016 20:37

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pumpkinpiesforsupper · 18/10/2016 20:39

I am working, 9-3pm so my hours don't get in the way of meeting up or anything.

I'm not sure what you mean by the 'rate I'm reproducing'

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Bogeyface · 18/10/2016 20:54

Perhaps she isn't thrilled at the rate you're reproducing? Just a thought. Are you working?

WTF?! Who the hells business is it of anyones except the OP and her DH?

Or do you think that she should have a fucking family wide referendum the next time she wants to have a baby?

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kerryob · 18/10/2016 20:58

Perhaps she isn't thrilled at the rate you're reproducing? Just a thought. Are you working?

What has that got to do with anything op has posted!?!?

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HarryPottersMagicWand · 18/10/2016 21:03

Perhaps she isn't thrilled at the rate you're reproducing? Just a thought. Are you working?

What the fuck has that got to do with you! Mind your own bloody business. The OP could be on child 15 for all,its got to do with you.

YANBU. Stop contacting her. Her problem if she doesn't see you. And certainly don't let her come to any scans or have any scan pictures. I don't see why anyone bar the parents would have scan pictures anyway. Ignore her messages.

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