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AIBU?

To not want to learn to drive

538 replies

ThisUsernameIsAvailable · 17/10/2016 23:36

I'm 33 and I have 4 children and my husband drives.

I have never wanted to learn to drive, my family have offered to buy my provisional, to teach me etc but I really don't want to, I've never had any interest in learning to drive.
I ride my bike if I want to go somewhere local, I have a trailer for shopping, if oh is working I use public transport if it's not riding distance (more than 15 miles or I need to get there quickly)

For some reason everyone thinks I need to learn to drive next year, I've had 4 offers of provisional license for Christmas/birthday

OP posts:

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Jinglebellsandv0dka · 17/10/2016 23:38

Good for you.

I learned to drive at 37 and it was the best thing I ever did for myself and family.

BackforGood · 17/10/2016 23:52

Well, it's up to you, but it is extremely limiting, and there will be times in your life when you aren't fit enough to cycle and maybe your dh won't be there to run you about.
YANBU, but you are putting restrictions on all sorts of options you would have if you could drive.

BelladiNotte · 17/10/2016 23:53

Take them up on their offer and learn. Think of it as insurance against the time (which obviously I hope would never happen) that a child becomes sick and you need to get somewhere quickly?

DPotter · 17/10/2016 23:54

You're very lucky if you live somewhere with reasonable public transport. How do you manage to transport your children around, especially for after school and weekend activities ?
I think you should consider your family's generous offer.
there's lots of things about being an adult I'm not particularly keen on, but have got to grips with, simply because it's necessary - and I class driving to be one of those things. It would be a supportive thing to do for your husband - why should he do all the driving?

JoJoSM2 · 17/10/2016 23:55

What about being able to go further afield on your own or take your children somewhere? Or in an emergency? Do you wait to be chauffeured by your husband? I find it weird.

ClaudiaWankleman · 17/10/2016 23:57

You should learn to drive. You may find it helps improve job prospects.

tararabumdeay · 17/10/2016 23:57

Not being able to drive is to be attached to another who can and does. It's a throwback to women in the home and men being in control of everything outside the home - nothing much has changed.

There is, however, another side to this. A woman who's man works every day will have to do the shopping with her on his Saturday Morning; have to take responsibility for outside the home; holidays, visits; not drinking - to name but a few - has control.

It reminds me of a comedian who mentioned that Miners go to bed in pink bedrooms.

On the other hand, if you don't believe you'll be good at it then please save the rest of us from your lack of confidence.

SuburbanRhonda · 17/10/2016 23:59

What a nasty post, tara.

Queenbean · 17/10/2016 23:59

As someone who learnt to drive as an adult I would say you are missing out on so much by not driving

And as someone who regularly cadged lifts off other people im surprised you don't feel like more of a pain in the bum having to rely on others all the time

Queenbean · 18/10/2016 00:01

(Should've added a smiley face, that sounds more snarky than I intended!)

DiegeticMuch · 18/10/2016 00:02

How will it work? Will you be expecting other parents to give your children lifts to their activities when your husband can't take them?

DeleteOrDecay · 18/10/2016 00:05

My mum paid for all my lessons when I was 17. At the time I really wasn't bothered, and didn't particularly enjoy the lessons, but my mum said it was important so I went along with it.

I am now in my mid 20's, and I am so grateful that my mum essentially pushed me into it. It has definitely given me opportunities I wouldn't have otherwise had and I feel my life has been made so much easier as a result of learning how to drive. I have 2 dc and honestly couldn't imagine faffing around with public transport to take them places.

If you are being offered the opportunity, grab it with both hands! You won't regret it. I didn't realise how great knowing how to drive is until I experienced it for myself.

LovePGtipsMonkey · 18/10/2016 00:05

you can easily live withour having to drive in London or other large cities. There's home delivery from supermarkets which many large families use instead of spending weekends shopping in crowded places.
Driving is very stressful and at times dangerous, also it costs more to run a car than use public transport. I mean if someone likes it and lives rurally - of course great for them, but if OP doesn't want/like driving she really should have that choice too. Indeed anyone who hates driving is an added danfer on the roads (not to mention you have to be thick-skinned to listen to abuse from pther drivers, especially when you aer a novice or not confident).

Beebeeeight · 18/10/2016 00:06

I have no idea how your life can work with 4dcs and no car!

After school?
Play dates?
Birthday parties?
Walks?
Days out?
Shopping?
Sickness?
Recycling?

Ikea!?

SuburbanRhonda · 18/10/2016 00:08

How hilarious that you think you can't take a walk without a car. How does that work then?

Queenbean · 18/10/2016 00:09

The ikea argument is very strong. It was the first place I went when I bought my car!

Only1scoop · 18/10/2016 00:10

I wouldn't want to rely on DH especially with 4dc.

SuburbanRhonda · 18/10/2016 00:10

IKEA deliver though.

Dontpanicpyke · 18/10/2016 00:11

Are your kids little? As they get older it might get legistically tricky but depends where you live.

tara did you mean to sound like s bitch?

OlennasWimple · 18/10/2016 00:12

How old are your children? Can't see you juggling all the things that they will want to do when older if you are all wholly reliant on your DH

tararabumdeay · 18/10/2016 00:13

Not a nasty post Rhonda but a theory about how women were, and probably are, tied to the home.

Queenbean · 18/10/2016 00:15

The delivery charge is about 50% the cost of the actual item
They don't deliver all the best bits - picture frames and candles and glass jars

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JellyBelli · 18/10/2016 00:15

I'm too disabled to drive, I use public transport. I dont feel childish or tied to a man.
I dont see driving as a right and I dont believe everyone who has a licence can actually drive well enough to be on the road.

ThisUsernameIsAvailable · 18/10/2016 00:16

My children are 14,7,6&5.

If oh is not here we walk, after school clubs are walking distance, school is walking distance, I get to work on my bike, if I can't ride my bike I can't work (it's physical work) oh isn't controlled at the weekend, I shop with my bike, if it's a long distance we would be going as a family anyway so he drives

OP posts:

Only1scoop · 18/10/2016 00:20

I'd say your family would like you to drive if they keep offering you lessons etc....what does DH think? Sounds like you've no interest at all though.

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