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AIBU?

Would you class this as bullying?

23 replies

button10 · 16/10/2016 23:11

A new employee started 6 months ago and from day 1 she has totally ignored me. For the first 3 months I tried and tried to engage with her but it was like getting blood out of a stone. I have finally given up. When it's my turn to work with her it's silent, I tested it out one shift and she didn't acknowledge me once during the entire shift. She is ok with others from what I can see. I have no clue why she treats me like this. It has started to seriously impact on our work. Others have noticed but don't really bring it up. It's uncomfortable and embarrassing.

Would you class this as bullying ? or something else?

OP posts:

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pipsqueak25 · 16/10/2016 23:31

easier said than done but you need to hoik up the big girl knickers and talk to her, ask if there is a problem with you, possible to speak to manager ? if others have noticed it could impact on morale etc.
do you have a collesgue who could get your back and find out discreetly ? sounds horrible though

JennyM9275 · 16/10/2016 23:32

I wouldn't class it as bullying, but something is definitely going on. Do you feel able to speak to her directly and just as what the problem is?

AuntJane · 16/10/2016 23:34

I once worked for almost a year sharing an office with someone who never spoke to me, not even to say "Good morning". Turned out he was on the autistic spectrum and really didn't understand "conversation".

ImissGrannyW · 16/10/2016 23:39

What you've described isn't what I'd class as bullying. It doesn't sound nice, but not bullying behaviour.

I would be asking the person very direct questions (when, what, why, how, who) because these require more than one-word answers. And escalating the management, esp if others have noticed.

OhTheRoses · 16/10/2016 23:43

Many, many years ago there was a secretary who didn't talk to me. Not a good morning, not a good night, not an acknowledgement. She talked to everyone else. I did a slightly different job. She left after about 8 months and the dynamic changed.

OhTheRoses · 16/10/2016 23:45

Meant to say, it wasn't very nice and I never found put why. I think as you aren't the newbie you could try to tackle it head on.

mellowfartfulness · 16/10/2016 23:45

Can you say how it's impacting on your work? I think that's the way to approach it, whether with her or higher up. It's not nice of her to blank you, especially if she's friendly to others, but then again we can't all be liked by everybody and I suppose it's a bit of a fuzzy area to tackle - if she doesn't want to be your friend, no one can make her. But if her silent treatment is causing problems with the work itself - if she's failing to communicate or work with you when she needs to - that's something concrete that you can bring up with her or your manager.

HeyOverHere · 17/10/2016 00:53

No, this is not bullying at all. She simply does not like you, or she is intimidated by you for some reason. Just do your best to maintain a healthy work atmosphere with her and don't try to be friends unless she seems receptive. If the work relationship becomes problematic, talk to a manager or HR about mediation.

AmeliaJack · 17/10/2016 01:01

I'd put on big girl pants too. Polite, calm talk.

is there a problem? You never talk to me or acknowledge me? What can we do to resolve this?

KaosReigns · 17/10/2016 01:19

I think you should check your organisations definition of bullying. While this does not fit many peoples personal definition it would definitely fall under that of the organisation I work for.

But first step is always to try approach the problem directly. Make an effort to say hello every day, and try a casual conversation. If she ignores your efforts then she is definitely being unreasonable.

HicDraconis · 17/10/2016 05:54

Where I would work this would fall under "bullying by exclusion". Is communication between you vital for whatever you have to do when working on the same shift?

She doesn't have to make polite conversation, but she should at least acknowledge your existence and communicate as needed for work related purposes.

I would approach her directly and ask her what her problem is. If she still doesn't talk to you, take it to your manager and ask for some form of mediation meeting where it can be discussed with a neutral third party.

jayisforjessica · 17/10/2016 06:15

I'm with HicDraconis. She doesn't have to be a Chatty Cathy (I suspect we'd be getting a different AIBU if she were!!) but she does have to be civil. Civil means acknowledging other human beings, answering when spoken to and basically performing the bare minimum as prescribed by the social contract.

Persons with ASD might not know/understand/be able to perform this, but generally speaking if it's pointed out to them they'll either want to/be able to learn from it, or they'll explain why they can't.

Lunar1 · 17/10/2016 06:19

If she can acknowledge other staff and make polite conversation with them then yes it is work place bullying. If ASD was the problem it wouldn't be limited to you.

Stormwhale · 17/10/2016 06:35

I disagree with some of the posters on this thread. Purposely ignoring one colleague to the point that it is difficult to work with them when acting fine with others is bullying imo. I would have a word with your manager op.

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark · 17/10/2016 06:43

How did you welcome her into the team when she started? Maybe it sprang from how she perceived she was treated by you in the beginning? (not saying you were horrible or anything but first impressions and all)

How exactly do you react to her now?

Please don't say to her "what's your problem" as that (in my organisation) would certainly have you down as the bully!

sonjadog · 17/10/2016 06:47

No, not bullying. You need to talk to her and ask her what´s up.

CanuckBC · 17/10/2016 06:49

This would be considered harassment at my work place by exclusion as well. She can obviously socialize as she does so with other co-workers. I would bring it up with a supervisor as you have done basic steps in trying to engage her. Let them know what you have tried, what her behaviour has been and that others have noticed. What you would like done and how your work environment has been effected. What you like done and potential solutions. Go forward from there.

Doesn't matter what her issue is or why she has a stick up her arse, being civil is the minimum in a work environment with co-workers. Fake it till you make it if you really don't like someone. It sounds like she didn't give you a chance for whatever reason. Her problem and you don't have to live with it.

CanuckBC · 17/10/2016 06:50

PS I mean she should be faking it! Not you.

hyperhypermum · 17/10/2016 08:12

Definitely have a word with her. Bit different but a colleague I'd originally got on fine with suddenly started giving me the cold shoulder, the atmosphere was awful! In the end I could stand it no more, took her to one side and asked if I'd done something to upset her. She launched into a full scale rant about how I was a sneaky snake in the grass who had grassed her up to management! I hadn't a clue what she was talking about. Turned out that our cowardly manager had made it look that way to make it easier for him to deal with! He ended up having to apologise to both of us and things were fine after that.

Could it be something like that?

jayisforjessica · 17/10/2016 09:50

Oh, I realize this person doesn't have ASD. But there's always that devil's advocate in every thread about "isn't this behavior gross" trying to say "well, might be ASD, can't complain about it just in case" so I was trying to cover that base lol.

PoppyBirdOnAWire · 17/10/2016 09:55

Excluding someone is bullying.

hellsbellsmelons · 17/10/2016 10:01

I'd be talking 'at' her the whole shift.
Either at her or talking out loud to myself.

'Hey there how are you today?'
No response
'Oh dear, I'm being ignored again'
'Anyway, how was your morning/day'
No response
'Well mine has been a bit of a nightmare because of .......'

And so it goes on.
It's a great release for you.
It pisses her off big time.
But keeps you sane (in an odd way)
Try it out.

itsmine · 17/10/2016 10:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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