To have called her out on this?

(41 Posts)
flamboyantfolly Sun 16-Oct-16 14:15:51

NC as this will out me. Don't particularly give two hoots if the person involved reads this, just don't want them going back through my old posts.

I found out I was pregnant on Thursday. It was a huge shock and I was trying to process it all. On Friday I began bleeding, lightly at first but has gotten heavier. I am fairly convinced this is a miscarriage, I've had one before and this feels exactly the same.

Last night on a group I am on on Facebook they did a wave of light for pregnancy and infant loss. I haven't told anyone what I am going through other than DP, but I made a post saying I would be lighting a candle and talking about what I am going through.

I didn't realise that someone I knew was on the group until she commented with a shocked face. She then posted a status on her FB profile about how she doesn't know what to make or what she sees and that she doesn't know if she can mentally cope with it. She has form for making ambiguous statuses. I brushed it off but was a bit hmmthat it had come so soon after seeing my post. She received the usual 'You ok Hun?' replies and replied back to someone saying that everytime she has something to celebrate (she is almost 6 months pregnant) something comes along and bursts her bubble, and that she'd tell the person who responded all about it when she saw her.

Maybe I am just upset and irrational, but this made me fume . This isn't the first time she's taken something I have said or done and made an ambiguous status from it.

I couldn't hold my tongue and I, perhaps stupidly, fired off a reply on my original post saying sorry I had inconvenienced her and well done for making it all about her. This obviously devolved into a bit of a spat in the replies. She bought up that we weren't planning to get pregnant (like this matters?) and called me selfish and delusional and that the status was nothing to do with me.

AUBu to have done this? I just felt it was the straw that broke the camels back. I understand my post may have shaken her but maybe a direct message to me would have been more prudent.

Feel a bit confused about the whole thing today.

ALikelyStory Sun 16-Oct-16 14:18:30

Maybe a bit U, but your obviously emotional mind and I hope our doing okay, I wonder if the status was related you though or if you have read too much into it?

I'd be kind to yourself and try to rest and not take on the stress of this brewcakeflowerschocolate

mycatstares Sun 16-Oct-16 14:20:04

I dont think the status was aimed at you..

OhNoNotMyBaby Sun 16-Oct-16 14:20:05

I'm sorry for your loss OP flowers.
But really, FB? What do you expect?

mycatstares Sun 16-Oct-16 14:20:48

Sorry for your loss btw.

flamboyantfolly Sun 16-Oct-16 14:23:40

Perhaps not.

There's a lot of history to us and she basically told me when I fell pregnant with DD that she begrudged me because she'd had problems conceiving.

Maybe I'm just over sensitive and read too much into it, but too many times she has done it, quite obviously, and I think this just tipped me over the edge.

Yes, probably FB was the wrong place. It was in a private group and I was feeling particularly vulnerable and alone in dealing with this.

MrsMozart Sun 16-Oct-16 14:25:40

I have recently come to the conclusion that there's nowt so queer as folks and no matter how much you know someone and think they know you, things can and are taken the wrong way and that's it. Done. Sad but would appear to be nowt one can do about it.

Sorry for your loss lass.

Meadows76 Sun 16-Oct-16 14:28:36

I don't see how her status was aimed?

flamboyantfolly Sun 16-Oct-16 14:31:29

Oh balls .

I feel so bloody stupid.

SansasEscape Sun 16-Oct-16 14:41:54

Don't worry - your body is going through a lot at the minute and jumping to conclusions isn't the worst crime in the world.

Be kind to yourself flowers

CalleighDoodle Sun 16-Oct-16 14:42:55

Dont feel Stupid. She obviously winds you up the wrong way generally. Just delete her.

Benedikte2 Sun 16-Oct-16 14:49:03

OP just try to forget about all this foe the moment. Just think about yourself and get through the next few days. Can still remember how it feels and it's pretty heartbreaking -- folk seem to dismiss miscarriage very lightly but to the woman concerned it's nothing of the kind, no matter what the circumstances. Get what support you need from your DP, family and friends and take care whatever the outcome.
You can deal with the insensitive folk later.
Good luck

GiantHulkHands Sun 16-Oct-16 14:50:35

It's possible that her post was about you but when you called her out for making everything about her, she decided to lie about it.

She sounds like a bit of a fanny to be honest. She should have recognised that you are going through something awful and if you did get the wrong end of the stick she should have messaged you and told you so without fuss.

TrinityForce Sun 16-Oct-16 14:55:13

block her and give her no more headspace.

whether it was aimed at you or not, she's obviously not someone you want being your friend on fb.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties Sun 16-Oct-16 14:57:44

I think your 'friend' is in the wrong here.

-When she first heard your bad news, she responded with a shocked face. No condolences or sympathy.
-She then immediately changed her FB status. If you want to have some sort of cryptic ambiguous message up, then you have to expect people to interpret it themselves.
-She then reacted angrily when you responded to it, again with no sympathy, just a comment that your baby wasn't planned and you were selfish. She should have apologised for putting a status on FB that you could have interpreted as offensive.

She sounds like an attention seeking, self absorbed fool.

steppedonlego Sun 16-Oct-16 15:01:46

It's quite obvious she's in the wrong when she responded with a shocked face in the first place, everything else is just extra icing. Ignore her as she's quite obviously a toxic self centred person.

Damselindestress Sun 16-Oct-16 15:06:54

If her post wasn't about you then that's all she needed to say and even if you had made a mistake she should have been sensitive to the fact you are going through a difficult time. She shouldn't have insulted you or brought up the fact you weren't planning to get pregnant, as if that makes your loss any less shocking or painful! Sounds like you both should've stepped away from the computer but what she said was upsetting even if the original post wasn't aimed at you.

HughLauriesStubble Sun 16-Oct-16 15:06:55

Fwiw, I think the status was aimed at you but once she was called out on it, she backtracked and because her status was 'ambiguous' in the first place, she can now make you out to be that bad guy too.

She sounds like an utter twat though. I'd move on and forget about it.

Sorry for your loss flowers

Damselindestress Sun 16-Oct-16 15:07:54

Sorry for your loss flowers

HellonHeels Sun 16-Oct-16 15:08:05

flowers for you xx

Just delete this person. She sounds at best usympathetic, overdramatic and annoying. You don't need people like that who spread upset and unhappiness.

RachelRagged Sun 16-Oct-16 15:11:37

Hmm , I can see how you may think it was aimed at you so soon after your post but I wouldn't fret about it, truly .

I am so sorry for your loss OP . Happened to me many years ago and I now have four children but this week and EastEnders has made me think of my daughter more . flowers

M00nUnit Sun 16-Oct-16 15:27:35

Sorry for your loss and I'm also sorry you've had to deal with such nastiness on FB. Definitely unfriend that horrible woman.

Pettywoman Sun 16-Oct-16 15:30:08

I'd ditch her purely for putting up poor me, ambiguous fb posts for attention and for having friends who call her hun.

I'm sorry for your loss. It's horrible and a lot to process emotionally. Look after yourself and think no more of her.flowers

icanteven Sun 16-Oct-16 15:35:56

Don't feel like an idiot. People like her carry on with this fuckwittery BECAUSE people never call them on it, hence "protecting" herself with the faux-ambiguity in her status update.

If it hadn't been about you, she would have been horrified that you had construed her words as such and reassured you, or posted a frosty response saying that it was about X, not Y. The fact that she got really defensive/aggressive about it seems to confirm your suspicion (based on what you've said here).

Listen, she was being a cunt and you called her on it. It's fine. Unfriend her now, and carry on. But perhaps also give a thought to the membership of groups you are on? When you click on a group that you're in, it should tell you if you have any FB friends in it. You've just learned a valuable lesson about privacy & internet safety!!

raviolidreaming Sun 16-Oct-16 15:37:31

block her and give her no more headspace

Agreed

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