To ask what torture should be the penalty for waking the baby

(21 Posts)
Temporaryname137 Sun 16-Oct-16 04:52:25

Fucking not-so-dear p went on a night out. He's a SAHD, so I had saved extra cash to give him a really good night out and took the baby shopping to fill the fridge with hangover cures. I also arranged something with a friend early tomorrow morning so we could leave him to sleep. ALL I asked was that he crashed on his friend's couch so he didn't wake the baby.

Fucking fucker fucking banged his fucking way in at 3 fucking am and the baby has been wide awake ever fucking since. Having tried to get her back to sleep with absolutely no prospect of success for 90 mins, I am now only able to stay awake by fantasising about whether to pull out all his nails and body hairs with tweezers or red hot tweezers angry

He's blundering around like a drunken remorseful idiot offering to take her so I can go back to bed, but of course that can't happen when he's pissed.

What is the suitable punishment for people who wake up babies at stupid o'clock?

(In the interest of fairness I should point out that he very rarely gets to go out, I encouraged him to go and have fun, he almost always gets up with DD or takes her out first thing at weekends to give me a lie in, etc. so this really isn't the norm. I'm mostly ranting and waffling because it's fucking 5am and I've been awake since 3am with a baby who's like the Duracell bunny, but I do also think that there should be exceptions to the human rights laws on torture for people who wake up sleeping babies)

milkshakeandmonstermunch Sun 16-Oct-16 04:54:45

Only death will do OP. Only death.

Verticalvenetianblinds Sun 16-Oct-16 04:55:08

my personal favourite is an offensive nappy when hungover smile

justilou Sun 16-Oct-16 04:57:32

Set the alarm on his phone to go off every three minutes playing the Radetzky March (Strauss). It is offensively perky AND has gunshots!

Euphemia Sun 16-Oct-16 04:57:40

I'm visualising something Mediaeval. Involving the rack, thumbscrews, flaying.

CanuckBC Sun 16-Oct-16 05:33:46

My rule usually was and I told it to anyone wanting to go near the sleeping baby was you wake the baby you get the baby ie you get to deal with the cranky overtired baby. Obviously that won't work in your case. I say later in the day when he's hungover and feeling miserable he gets to take the babe while you nap. I know your plan was to pamper him a bit as he usually doesn't go out but he broke your one request. A very reasonable request, don't wake the frigging baby!

I would be upset as well as once the babe is woken they often don't go back to sleep.

StubbleTurnips Sun 16-Oct-16 07:37:34

Just hold onto this until baby is a moving toddler.... DD will jump all over DH on the v rare occasion he's hungover, like a mini pro wrestler. The knee slam in the back is particularly entertaining. It holds a special place in my heart for all the early mornings he caused us at the start grin

mysistersimone Sun 16-Oct-16 07:52:10

If advise constant advise seeking from DP all through the day.
Baby does a stinking nappy? Take said nappy to DP and thrust under nose asking if it's normal?? Making baby breakfast? Go check it out. More nappies? Nose wiping??? New noises???? Anything. Enjoy!

Mamushka Sun 16-Oct-16 10:22:33

You wake 'em, you take 'em. That's my rule.

Euphemia Sun 16-Oct-16 12:28:01

You wake 'em, you take 'em.

All very smart and rhyming, but useless advice when someone's drunk.

LovelyBranches Sun 16-Oct-16 14:03:41

Become the martyr. Ok this weekend you'll be tired but next weekend you get two lie ins until 10am because of this.

Temporaryname137 Sun 16-Oct-16 14:26:05

Well, the plot thickens. Part of the reason I was so cross was because the neighbours banged their door and woke DD at 11 and 1am, although she went back to sleep quickly on those occasions.

DP now tells me that as he was creeping in, he saw the neighbour arriving home at 3am, and it was the neighbour banging his door that woke the baby. Bah.

So what torture can I inflict on the neighbour? Nappy sacks left outside their banging door? Holding DD up to the wall when she cries? Gah!!!

ilovemyCheebie Sun 16-Oct-16 20:35:26

You are so lucky!!! If you think that your partner waking the baby up at 3am is so awful, yet your partner gives you opportunities to have lie ins...

I think you would literally crumble to pieces if you were in my shoes!! My 1yo daughter still to this day has never slept longer then three hours. I have no one to help me with lie ins. That would be like a bloody dream for me! Seriously I dream about such things!! I have a full time business that I run from home, I rarely get more then 4 hours sleep a night because I work into the night. But that's just life and I have to say from my point of view you have great life

Buck yourself up woman! Jheeze no need to punish the man

Elephantsonparade Mon 17-Oct-16 04:28:40

Cheebie, I think this is generally a very lighthearted post on OP's part, no need to get so personally upset by it. OP has recognised throughout her post that her DP is great and does more than his fair share.

bumblemouse Mon 17-Oct-16 05:47:28

I say no CBeebies at teatime, but this might not work on your DP.

blueturtle6 Mon 17-Oct-16 07:34:39

Think he should make you breakfast in bed at the weekend

DeadGood Mon 17-Oct-16 08:09:37

Cheebie, your own unsatisfactory circumstances don't make the OP's any less annoying.

OP, we too have door slamming neighbours and oh boy, when they wake DC I really want to hurt them.

DeadGood Mon 17-Oct-16 08:10:18

<ignores light hearted mandate as unable to joke about this subject>

Temporaryname137 Mon 17-Oct-16 08:57:25

It's impossible to be rational when you've been woken for the third time at 3am and this time the baby thinks it's "disco in the cot" time and wants to invite everyone to party. Arrrrgh!!!

Mummyshortlegz Mon 17-Oct-16 08:59:33

I gave the baby and the toddler recorders and told them to go and give daddy a cuddle. Mwahahahaha

5minutestobed Mon 17-Oct-16 09:01:51

We have the "you wake them you take them" rule here too so maybe once DP is awake he can enjoy a day of baby duty while you get some sleep!

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