AIBU Xmas Presents! 😫

(44 Posts)
LouBlue1507 Sat 15-Oct-16 11:06:02

Hi all! I don't think I'm BU but thought I'd get some opinions anyway!

DP and I have a beautiful DD (11 weeks) and she's the first grandchild on both sides. We live in a small flat with not a lot of room!

We've asked people this year to not buy DD anything that will take up a lot of space as we don't have any space for it..

I think I've upset DM who said she wanted to get DD a walker but I've had to say no thank you as we've already got something similar to a walker for her for Xmas already....

... My DM is now insisting on only giving DD cash as she's 'not allowed to get her a present' which is not the case! I've just said nothing that takes up a lot of space!

I know everyone is very excited for DDs first Xmas and wants to spoil her but our flat is not a tardis, she has so much family that we're going to snowed under with gifts (very lovely for DD) so AI really BU to just politely ask for nothing huge?

Thanks x

Moonraker37 Sat 15-Oct-16 11:14:27

No, you're not being unreasonable. We generally get a small cash gift and token gift. Although we don't specify anything as grateful whatever. As the children get older I have a clear out of toys before Xmas, not that they'd realise. MIL is being a bit sensitive. She'll get over it! Enjoy your first Christmas.

Moonraker37 Sat 15-Oct-16 11:15:16

Sorry DM not MIL!

Spartak Sat 15-Oct-16 11:17:50

Tell her that baby walkers impede development and encourage poor walking technique and you'd prefer Christmas presents that don't risk damage to your child.

yomellamoHelly Sat 15-Oct-16 11:17:59

I think cash would be perfect tbh. Put it to one side for her. (Maybe she can buy your dd a lovely money box too.) Then when it comes to the summer you can spend it something you want / need then.

mrsmuddlepies Sat 15-Oct-16 11:18:30

Interesting point Moonraker. Let's blame the Mil even if she is not mentioned in the original post! Whatever happens in your life do you automatically assume your Mil is to blame?

blueturtle6 Sat 15-Oct-16 11:21:39

Ask DM to put the money to a bigger present for her first birthday, such as a trike etc, as she'll get much more use than anything you buy a 6 month old.

Soubriquet Sat 15-Oct-16 11:23:18

Yep

Point out that baby walkers are not recommended anymore as it causes more damage than help

Iwasjustabouttosaythat Sat 15-Oct-16 11:24:49

YANBU. I have exactly the same problem with DM. "Please no huge things, nothing you know I want to buy him myself, no useless rubbish that comes free off magazines and breaks in two days and no choking hazards." Too much to ask? Every time...

OP, you need to stay firm now because it won't stop otherwise. It may not stop ever no matter what you do...

ollieplimsoles Sat 15-Oct-16 11:27:39

A walker? She is only 11 weeks old! Why would you buy something she wont be able to use for months? confused

Dd's first Christmas was a nightmare, she was 8 weeks old, first gc on both sides and everyone wanted a piece of her. We are staying at home this Xmas as a family of three.

nocampinghere Sat 15-Oct-16 11:33:39

i have a big family - if i could rewind the clock 10 years i would open an "activity account" for each child and let my family know that any cash gifts for birthdays, christmas etc would be put in there and used to pay for activities. I would then make sure i sent a photo from the activity as a proper thank you.
if they want to also buy a very small gift to open (a book, some stationery etc.) then great but the amount of stuff my dds get every year is ridiculous and i end up spending a fortune on activities which they would be more than happy to receive as presents.

anyway just a thought!

FluffyBunnyWithBaseballBat Sat 15-Oct-16 11:38:30

YANBU! Could you suggest a premium bond? My MIL gave DD one when she was born and she fairly frequently gets 25 or sometimes quid from it. Once DD was old enough she loved these random windfalls and being able to go out and buy herself something!

ZuleikaDobson Sat 15-Oct-16 11:41:08

YANBU. When my DC were that age I would have been very grateful for things like clothes in larger sizes that would be useful throughout the baby's first year, and maybe things like picture books.

QueenLizIII Sat 15-Oct-16 11:45:25

I've just said nothing that takes up a lot of space!

As you have a lot of family, isnt one big thing, like a rocking horse, going to take up less space than the mountain of smaller toys you're likely going to get?

How about asking family to club together and buy something like:

www.johnlewis.com/john-lewis-my-first-rocking-horse/p231663987

www.johnlewis.com/janod-caramel-rocking-horse/p231199957

A load of small toys will take up more space than one big thing.

AtMyHouse Sat 15-Oct-16 11:51:14

Mine bought 'experiences' - paid for music groups/ aiming lessons/ a day out for everyone.

Yours maybe a bit young for this, but it worked well for us.

Peopleplease Sat 15-Oct-16 11:51:42

Do you visit parents/PIL often?? Anything 'bigger' that anyone wants to buy DD lives at their house (unless DD is obsessed with it).

So last Christmas my mum bought DD a rocking horse and he lives at my mums house. DD likes it, plays with it when we visit (at least once a week) but doesn't play with it enough to justify bringing it home.

PIL bought her a play kitchen, again with the understanding it lived at theirs but she LOVED it. Played with it all Christmas Day so that came home with us. But a year later she's slightly lost interest so it might move to PILs permanently. But again we visit PIL roughly every 2 weeks.

AtMyHouse Sat 15-Oct-16 11:52:40

I think re the rocking horse, you'll be stuck with it forever - especially a nice one. A pile of toys gradually gets passed on or goes to the charity shop.

liquidrevolution Sat 15-Oct-16 11:53:29

Cash is a great present for a newborn. You could always aske them to get a copy of their favourite childhood book for her bookshelf if they want something to wrap - its what I did. Baby wont care either way.

I have to a gift list split between both families to make sure we are not inundated with large presents. I think only people who live in mansions have enough space for everyone to buy large gifts.

Ifounddory Sat 15-Oct-16 11:55:39

I have a photo of eldest DD with all her presents on her first Christmas. It's insanity. Bouncy chair, clothes, toys, books... the entire sofa was FULL.

I wish I'd said please don't.

averythinline Sat 15-Oct-16 11:59:05

the activity idea is great wish we'd done that...you could use for baby swimming/singing whatever during the year ....

like the premium bonds or a nice money box with the money instead....

if she wants to buy something how about a sheepskin for snuggling on or a fancier version of something your going to get like a nice pram blanket/ fleece..sling/ travel high chair we had something like this....

www.johnlewis.com/mountain-buggy-pod-portable-highchair-flint/p579505?sku=232169340&gclid=COmu7K7T3M8CFVSNGQodAn4Jdg&gclsrc=ds

or manhattan toy black n white books or skwish ...small and useful when out and about
www.manhattantoy.com/products/skwish-classic?variant=26138345927

or sophie and or equivalent....
www.jojomamanbebe.co.uk/sophie-la-girafe-teether-b6972.html?gclid=CLPmuNPS3M8CFYgy0wodwYIBdg

a little toy that can a 'present' and some cash could be a good compromise....

LouBlue1507 Sat 15-Oct-16 12:02:19

Thanks ladies! I like the idea that they can get anything if they keep it at their house! I also like the idea of an account or premium bonds!

I'm dreading it tbh because everyone will want to see her 'but on their own turf'! I think we're going to stay home for Xmas this year as a family of three and visit family Boxing Day or the days before Xmas!

lljkk Sat 15-Oct-16 12:02:45

Cash & a cute outfit (or 6)

LizzieMacQueen Sat 15-Oct-16 12:05:06

I would suggest books, they don't take up much space and each person can write a personal message to your DD on the flycover.

Alwayschanging1 Sat 15-Oct-16 12:23:26

Xmas used to drive me nuts; PILs, DM and DF always bought as if the DC were getting nothing from anyone else. Mountains of gifts.
In the end I put my foot down and said one gift each. The rows that request caused were endless...
But eventually they did calm down and stop being so silly about it.
I also remember my DF looking at our back garden (which was stuffed full of cars, bikes, climbing frames, sand pits, slides, swings ...) and he made a comment about how spolit our DC were. I went round the garden pointing out who had bought what (none of it was from us). He got the message.
YANBU - but be prepared for a fight as family often refuse to understand something as simple as this.

Heirhelp Sat 15-Oct-16 12:31:57

Can you give them a list of things that they can buy eg clothes in the next size, high chair, my DD is obsessed with the sensory balls from elc, a couple of musical instruments, all things that you would be buying anyway.

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