Currently my fiance and I are having to live between our parents houses while we save for up for a mortgage, we would rent but sadly rentals in our area are extremely overpriced and something we cannot afford unless we completely relocate/we change job etc, an option we've looked in to. (the people who live around here are folks who bought their homes many years ago and are mainly all elderly who now are sitting on a small fortune, despite the houses being normal 2 beds etc and a comfortable but not a particularly rich area).
Anywho, the point being we sadly haven't much choice in our living situation currently. Since we have been there my DF's older brother who is 37 and has a flat a 40 mile drive away, decided to start coming to his parents house and stopping over, that's fine no probs there, but then he started staying 2-3 nights, they then turned to a week, then two weeks and then a full month and now he hardlys goes back home and when he does he expects to be driven there by DF dad. He has quit his job by going on the sick and not going back, even though there was nothing wrong with him and now spends his days staying up all night, being very noisy, sleeping on the floor in various locations of the house where we have had to step over him and expects his mum to wait on him hand and foot (she's a bit doddery).
I don't think he's done this because he is lonely, he did originally move to his flat because his friends were there, but they've got wives/girlfriends now, so it mustn't be as fun for him, but he still hangs about with mates and when he's at the parents he doesn't speak to anyone unless its to ask them for money, what takeaway he can get, what he wants his dad to buy him from the shop (cigs and chocolate mainly) or for lifts to mates houses he could walk to or back to his flat 40 miles away.
My DF's parents are both over 70 and are pensioners, we pay our own way while we have to be there and try to be as helpful and conscientious as possible, and hope to be on our way soon. But he is just the opposite, there is no reason for him to be there. He cannot afford his flat and has gone on benefits but refuses to give the flat up, and (i don't know how, has managed to get the parents to pay it for him, they are not rich at all, but still had some savings, which is what they've been using to pay for it and him). This is madness and its as if no one dare say a word to him or disagree with him. Myself and the DF have both spoken with the parents but they seem to be in denial about the whole situation and seem to try and change the subject, they have mentioned he gets angry, which is slightly concerning, because im really hoping theyre not afraid of him.
My DF has said things to the brother but he just ignores him, i just want to go up to them all and bang their heads together and knock some bleedin sense into them and get this situation sorted, AIBU to get involved and say something to said brother and the parents, ive only ever made minor comments to the parents when the subject was already being brought up as i try to be respectful and keep out of it, but its really getting to me and im finding it hard to bite my tongue now. I know the sooner we can get out the better but it still doesnt solve the problem for them or what weve had to put up from him.
He just acts like a big baby, expecting everyone to pay for this fun life he seems to have going on, only going back to his "holiday" flat when his friends want to go there, its all paid for by the parents, his bills, sky etc and the car journeys where his dad has to take him back and forth 40 miles each way, his smokes and food, he sits around all day in his pants on the computer and does absolutely nothing, he talks to his family like they're skivvies. All the while we're busting our backsides at work trying to be able to afford a place of our own, he keeps us awake all night being really noisy and doesn't care about anyone else. Things have got that bad that the parents have sold there home to one of those companies in order to release equity from the home as they have run out of money. He makes me sick and all i want to do is tell him to stop his childish and selfish behaviour, but its not my home, not my family(yet) I'm at the point of exploding! Has anyone else had to deal with something like this, what can we do?
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AIBU?
To be annoyed at the situation?
19 replies
Quailingtonsmithe · 14/10/2016 23:36
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