To not correct them? Surnames and marriage(9 Posts)
So I kept my own name when I married. Double barrelled dc to Baby Myname-Hisname.
Some of dhs family send things addressed to Mrs Hisinitial Hissurnane. Sometimes they refer to dc as baby hissurname.
I'm not entirely sure whether all dh family know what all our names are and may just assume I changed my name. It certainly hasn't come up in conversation when I've been there.
They are very traditional but are generally nice and respectful people and I can't imagine them doing it deliberately to make a point.
I've asked dh if they know what mine and dcs names are and he says they do but I'm not convinced he's told them.
It only occasionally it ever comes up for example usually when sending us generous birthday gifts, namely from some of dhs elderly relatives so it feels a little obnoxious to reply with "thanks but I'm actually not Mrs Hisname.
Although on some level I don't like being addressed by a name that's not my own.same with the dc.
I was/am in the same boat. I tend to let go the assumption that I took ExH name but do correct people when they assume DS just has ExH name (his is double barreled). Problem also occurs when DS is in after school club as ExH has DD from previous marriage who also attended the club. The assumption is that my DS and his DD have the same name. Easy mistake to make.
It bothers me a lot less now that we're divorced.
You know what - I think people just forget - you care and they don't.
I haven't changed my name and I still just got a v good friend querying what my name is on my passport.
The same name I've had for the 20 years I've known her including the last 10 I've been married...
I'm not fussed any more - I wouldn't necessarily remember if someone changed their name or not and, as above, some people assume that while you've kept your name you haven't done so 'really'.
I kept me name and it is only really Christmas and Birthdays it is an issue when the old aunties and grandparents send letter to Mr and Mrs hisname. It honestly doesn't bother me, everyone else (and anyone who knows me on Facebook) can see I haven't taken his name. Even some of the old relatives on my side of the family get confused/don't remember and I honestly don't think it is worth correcting.
I'm trying to think how you can let them see how you want to be addressed, maybe include one of those generic christmas update letter with their card and sign it off with all your full names? That way they won't think you are singling them out for forgetting.
20 years married here. Kept my name, double barreled kids. I don't really mind being called Mrs Hisname even though I've never used his name at all. Mostly these days if people miss address me it's to call me Mrs Kidsname. More often that not Christmas cards etc are address to family Kidsname.
DH gets called and written to as Mr Myname sometimes, he always says it's him if he's asked for by Myname. He says he quite likes it really and it's quite useful. If somebody phones him up and asks for him by Myname he knows they don't know him, have no business relationship with him and are just trying to sell him something.
My nan could never get the hang of it though. For many years she would always ask what my last name is now and she said she never knew what I was calling myself and couldn't keep up with all my names. I have never changed any part of my name and have the same name I was born with. My cousin on the other hand, now on her fourth last name (kids on third), she has no problem at all with her last name.
I spent years telling my in laws and they still ignored me. It boils down to a fundamental lack of respect and ignorance.
Now I'm separated I'm over the fucking moon I kept my name and gave the dc mine.
I got some address labels printed with our names on as well, then stuck them on the back of Christmas cards etc until everyone had got the message.
My son has his dad's name (first H) but I reverted to maiden name when divorced so when I met current DH's family they knew me as HereIAm Maidenname. I used to get birthday cards address to my son Maidenname rather than my son exsname.
So I sent a group email (polite I thought) saying something along the lines of - there appears to be some confusion over names - obviously Dh and I and our DS are Married name but my older son's name is Son ExHname. I then received an email (including my email) which was obviously supposed to go to someone else saying "And she wonders why we are like we are to her!" I responded saying " How are you to me? I didn't realise there were any issuesbut now I do!?")
I've posted this already today. I'm not even married and they do it to me. Together for twenty plus years, no wedding, nope no marriage, not happened, not going to happen and I still get addressed as Mrs hisinitial hissurname.
No excuse at all. It makes me want to hurt people.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.