AIBU - Not told dc I'm pregnant but their best friend at school knows

(48 Posts)
ICuntSeeYourPoint Fri 14-Oct-16 09:43:23

I'm about 7.5 weeks pregnant, I wasn't planning on telling the kids for as long as possible, they are 4 and 6. I've had a scan, seen the heartbeat, everything is fine so far. The problem is, I had a medical appointment when I was babysitting the 6yr old's best friend's baby sibling, so I had to tell the best friend's parents. I made it clear we weren't telling the kids yet and they said they wouldn't say anything but first thing this morning the best friend announced to my dd that I'm going to have a baby!! Dh just said "no" " - but my daddy said..." "NO" so it was shut down this morning but every 6yo loves to know a secret and I'm sure she'll carry on telling dd at school today. So what do I do now? Do I tell the kids I'm pregnant at this stage, or do I carry on denying it for a month for then the best friend to say "I told you so" and my dd wonder why the bf knew and I lied to her so she didn't know!

FFS I haven't got the energy for this tbh. I suppose I'll just have to tell them.

Nurszilla Fri 14-Oct-16 09:47:28

I think you'll just have to tell them and use it as an opportunity to discuss why gossiping is bad or something? Also have a word with the parents.

I can sympathise, recently had a MC and didn't plan on telling DD but my DM couldn't keep her mouth shut (she's a whole other thread though!)

liz70 Fri 14-Oct-16 09:48:15

Bit late now, but why did you give the reason for your medical appointment to these people? Surely that was confidential?

Fluffsnuts Fri 14-Oct-16 09:48:16

Tell them.

FWIW, my mum had 2 miscarriages (when I was 5 and another when I was 7). I knew about the babies prior to the mc, and obv about the mc in child friendly terms. I don't remember being distressed, though obviously I was a bit sad and if anything it made mc 'normal' and not taboo as I grew up and went on to have children of my own.

LeftRightUpDown Fri 14-Oct-16 09:50:37

That is pretty shit of your friends. I would be having word's with them as the child wouldn't have found out any other way

sianihedgehog Fri 14-Oct-16 09:50:54

Seconding telling them. Hopefully all will go well, but taking away the taboo around miscarriage is DEFINITELY a good thing. The worst part of mine was the shame I felt!

Whathaveilost Fri 14-Oct-16 09:53:12

I can't understand why you told friends parents what the appointment was for.

Why would you do that if you don't want anyone to know?

Dontpanicpyke Fri 14-Oct-16 09:54:46

You shouldn't have told anyone really as you can't trust people and kids do overhear things.

Still damage limitation and of course you should tell the older one now.

I was pregnant when dss were 9/10 and we told them immediately.

ICuntSeeYourPoint Fri 14-Oct-16 09:55:31

Thanks for the replies, that's kind of what I thought. I told the parents because I was waiting for an early scan and I got a phonecall from the hospital to say "can you come in at x'o clock?" while I was babysitting their baby. I didn't want to take the baby somewhere (especially a hospital) without their permission, and you can't really say to someone "do you mind if I take your baby to the hospital?" without an explanation! In hindsight, I wish I'd told the kids already, it's not nice them hearing it from their friend.

I'm not pleased but I don't think I can say anything to the other parents, these things do slip out sometimes and there's nothing they can do about it now. sad

HobnailsandTaffeta Fri 14-Oct-16 09:56:51

Don't deny it now! Just tell them and say that you are sorry BF knows unfortunately the grown ups must have told her.

She's 6 it'll brush right past her.

pipsqueak25 Fri 14-Oct-16 09:56:53

why give personal info to the parents to start with ? anyway, you can hardly say no i'm not having a baby, then in a few weeks, yes i am they might be dc but they will know something is happening, they're not daft, so best not fib to them. it's their future sibling and they will be excite to be involved as well.

ThatStewie Fri 14-Oct-16 09:58:28

You need to tell your children tonight. I would also be having a conversation with the other family making it absolutely clear that you told them not to tell and they have betrayed your trust by passing on confidential medical information without consent. Then I would stop baby sitting for them.

As a culture, we do need to end the taboo around miscarriages and small children can have it explained to them in an age appropriate sway, but is unforgivable to pass on such information to a child when you've expressly asked them not to.

ThatStewie Fri 14-Oct-16 10:00:08

Oh,FGS, is it absolutely necessary to blame the OP for the total breach of trust by other adults. Its not her fault they behaved like dickheads.

Stormwhale Fri 14-Oct-16 10:01:47

Actually I think you really can say something. These things shouldn't just slip out if you have been asked not to say anything. It's bang out of order, that was your private business.

steppemum Fri 14-Oct-16 10:06:50

Please say something to the other mum.
If you don't want to do it face to face, send her a text saying 'I was really shocked when your dd told my dd that I was having a baby. I had asked you to keep that confidential as we hadn't told our kids yet.'

MarianneSolong Fri 14-Oct-16 10:10:42

I remember that my husband and I found it hard to keep the information from his older children - my stepchildren, though we'd initially assumed that we'd wait a few months.

They were 7 and 9. We ended up telling them that we had the start of a baby. That we were very pleased but it was early one and just sometimes - for example if the baby wasn't going on to be strong and well - the baby wouldn't carry on and get born in the normal way.. Something like that.

TinyTear Fri 14-Oct-16 10:18:43

i would be so pissed off as well... my DD was 3y2m when her sister was born and we only told her when i was 20 weeks...

one of her nursery teachers spotted my bump and I had to shush her and mouth "we haven't told DD yet!!"

HouseworkIsASin10 Fri 14-Oct-16 10:27:42

I'd be raging at the parents, you would think 2 adults would understand 'please don't say anything'.

Pineapplemilkshake Fri 14-Oct-16 10:28:57

They were BU to tell their daughter however surely at age 6 a child would know not to pass this on if asked not to? My DS is surprisingly good at keeping things to himself, better than me in fact as I'm an awful gossip! He knew for 3 months that DP was planning a surprise proposal to me, when he was 7, and didn't ruin the surprise.

Starlight2345 Fri 14-Oct-16 10:36:02

I think at this point you have no choice but to tell your children now..

I would be annoyed with this mum .

00100001 Fri 14-Oct-16 10:39:05

<misses the point of the thread>

Why did you have to tell them what your appointment was for? confused

ICuntSeeYourPoint Fri 14-Oct-16 10:39:41

Bit harsh Starlight, especially since the friend said "daddy said"!

NattyTile Fri 14-Oct-16 10:40:27

This happened to me when I was a child. Only my friend was told the intimate details of my mother's miscarriage, when I hadn't even known she was pregnant.

It hurt. And it was scary.

Can completely see why you hadn't told her, and why you had to tell the parents. Think the only thing you can do now though is tell her that you are hoping you might have a baby, but not quite sure yet as sometimes it doesn't happen maybe?

I wish I'd known about my mother's multiple miscarriages as a child. Apart from anything else, it might have stopped me begging my parents for another sibling.

ScaredFuture99 Fri 14-Oct-16 10:40:40

I would tell the other parents TBH.
You told them that your dcs didn't know AND they knew it was an early scan (so there was a risk of an issue).
They should have been VERY careful of they said in ear shot of their dcs (they might not have told them but talked about it in front of them iyswim).

And YY please tell your dcs now.

I hope the pg will carry on well. Congratulations flowers

gonetoseeamanaboutadog Fri 14-Oct-16 10:41:47

I'd be absolutely furious.

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