Not to buy the best man a suit?

(65 Posts)
BarbaraAtTheGardenParty Fri 14-Oct-16 08:02:28

DP and I are getting married next year and we want to be reasonably frugal. We are happy to spend money where we think it will be appreciated by us and our guests, and we are very lucky that my parents are paying for the reception, which will be relaxed and low-key and will have a bit of a rustic feel to it, however the other costs are still adding up for us and we aren't in a position to spend unnecessarily.

We thought that as the best man and ushers own decent suits and we aren't having a really formal day we could just buy the best man a tie and pocket square to match DP and get him a boutonniere, rather than buy him a matching suit. We don't think he would be at all fussed! One of the ushers (my brother) has recently bought a lovely suit that clashes with our wedding colours. So my solution would be to get matching boutonnieres for the groom, ushers, best man, and perhaps both our dads, but they can all wear whatever suits they already have, and then differentiate the best man by giving him a matching tie and pocket square to the groom. Would that look OK?

We have bought dresses for the bridesmaids although they were a bargain! Buying suits for the best man and potentially the ushers would cost us a lot of money and we just don't think it's that important that they match as long as they have some detail that signifies they are in the wedding party. What do people think?

Pettywoman Fri 14-Oct-16 08:03:53

That sounds fine to me.

TheNaze73 Fri 14-Oct-16 08:05:08

I'm sorry but, I've never heard of a best man buying his own suit.

However, as everyone is bound to tell you, it's your wedding, your rules. Hope you have a fab day smile

positivity123 Fri 14-Oct-16 08:05:08

So get them all to wear their best suits? I think that's fine, that's what a lot do now. I'd try and get them to all wear the same colour suite with a white shirt?

Mozfan1 Fri 14-Oct-16 08:07:02

Is renting suits a possibility? That's what my SIL did.

stopfuckingshoutingatme Fri 14-Oct-16 08:08:15

just offer to hire if needs be, never ever make someone buy something for the days that's my advice

KP86 Fri 14-Oct-16 08:09:04

We rented the men's suits (including DH's) for our wedding.

Nice quality, altered to fit and since most of them didn't wear suits for work they didn't need them long term.

adogcalledbert Fri 14-Oct-16 08:09:58

I think it's fine to say 'wear your own suit' but then you can't really criticise if the suit clashes with your wedding colours.

Mamabear14 Fri 14-Oct-16 08:10:35

I have never heard of the best man buying his own either, we are getting everything for ours, and my dad, except shoes. I think that's the norm. Ushers I would be more inclined to ask to wear their best black suit or whatever though.

ohdearme1958 Fri 14-Oct-16 08:12:13

She's not suggesting the guy buys his own suit. She's deliberately trying to ensure he, or any of the rest of the wedding party, don't have to.

Your suggestions sound really sensible Op,

budgiegirl Fri 14-Oct-16 08:12:14

I think that's fine, if the best man already owns a decent suit. But if he would need to buy one, then you should offer to pay to hire one for him.

ohdearme1958 Fri 14-Oct-16 08:13:20

And yes, the best man owns a suit the OP has described as decent - so no need to buy or hire one.

MoreCoffeeNow Fri 14-Oct-16 08:14:17

People buy the best man a suit? Never heard of that before.

We had top hat and tails - all hired. Each paid for their own.

BowieFan Fri 14-Oct-16 08:14:44

If you're not paying for the suits, you can't complain if someone turns up wearing a black one and someone elseaa silver one.

Personally, it won't matter to us as DP and his best man will be in their uniforms and the ushers will be wearing hired suits. But at other weddings I've been to, I've never known the best man to be responsible for his own clothing unless he's in the Armed Forces.

TheFreaksShallInheritTheEarth Fri 14-Oct-16 08:15:04

Its OK to ask them to wear a suit they already have, though Mama and Naze which I think the OP is doing.
Wouldn't be fair to make them buy their own, though., that's true.

TheProblemOfSusan Fri 14-Oct-16 08:16:16

Yeah, just have them all wear whatever nice suit they already own - one of our ushers missed the message that they were wearing grey or black because my husband is a disorganised spoon and I didn't even notice till half way through the reception.

Tbf I think he felt a bit awks about it as he's a sharp dresser and noticed straight away - - unlike my dear unobserved heart-- but that's on my daft husband, and I made a point of complementing it so he knew it wasn't a thing. Like you we were pretty relaxed about all that.

WingsofNylon Fri 14-Oct-16 08:16:25

Ive never heard of having to pay for best man suit, that's madness to me. What grown man would allow just an extravagant gift to be given to him on a day where he is suppposed to be the supporting act? My dp wouldn't.
I've been to lots of UK weddigs and at most the suits were rented.

ShatnersWig Fri 14-Oct-16 08:16:53

As another man, I'll echo what Naze said. I've never heard of a best man having to buy a suit for a wedding but then generally that's because there is some overall "scheme". If you want ushers and best man to look in a certain way, then you buy or hire for them. If you're happy with mismatched suits but just want to give them all a matching tie/hanky combo, then that's fine, as long as you pay for them.

Personally, I think if bridesmaids have outfits bought or hired for them, I don't actually understand why the same courtesy isn't given to the best man, even if not the ushers. At most weddings I've been to, the best man plays more of a role than bridesmaids (bridesmaids don't have the pressure of having to make a really good speech, for one thing).

TheProblemOfSusan Fri 14-Oct-16 08:17:17

It was dark blue, btw, so hardly a terrible trauma smile

YellowCrocus Fri 14-Oct-16 08:17:23

I never really understood the obsession with having everything immaculately matched with everyone dressed identically. People look best and feel their best in their own best clothes. I think your ideas sound perfect.

BewtySkoolDropowt Fri 14-Oct-16 08:17:57

I'm intruiged as to what colour suit has been bought that clashes with the wedding colours - most suits are very muted non-clashing type colours.

ShatnersWig Fri 14-Oct-16 08:19:38

Wings you said "What grown man would allow just an extravagant gift to be given to him on a day where he is suppposed to be the supporting act?"

Surely this should apply equally to grown women, who would always refuse to have a bridesmaids dress given to them?

GrumpyOldBag Fri 14-Oct-16 08:22:34

I don't like weddings where the mens clothes all match, I think it looks naff. So I think your suggestion of getting the men to wear their own suits is fine OP, as long as they have decent ones. If not they should rent one.

littlepippip Fri 14-Oct-16 08:23:37

I think buying suits for the best man is classic wedding nonsense! Men own suits, let them wear their own, I didn't even buy matching ties for my wedding, if they own a suit they own a tie. I spent the money I saved on a free bar for everyone to have lots of fun instead of matching this and matching that silliness. Each to their own but there is so much pressure around weddings and women get so obsessed by it all that they end up spending money they cannot afford on things like pointless table gifts for wedding guests. You won't look back on your wedding and glow with happiness about each guest getting a box of love hearts on their place setting but you will glow with happiness that you married the love of your life in front of your friends and family. Don't worry about matching suits and spending money you don't have XXXX

EveOnline2016 Fri 14-Oct-16 08:24:25

It depends what you want photos to look like.

Most men I know only has a suit that is suitable for a funeral. Totally not appropriate for a wedding.

The thing is I couldn't afford to have extra at my wedding so we didn't have bridesmaids or best men ect.

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