To jump up and down on artisan foodstuffs. In big boots?

(38 Posts)
HoneyDragon Wed 12-Oct-16 17:21:06

I'm not sure exactly at what point the word artisan made me quietly twitch with violence. But it does.

We have an artisan bakery, which sells exactly the same stuff as Greggs exactly the same. But it's artisan and 35% more on average.

I've just had an email from Waitrose. At this rate even their Essential range tampons will be artisan.

If the word artisan is written on it I can tread on it repeatedly, yes?

usual Wed 12-Oct-16 17:23:38

Oh god yes I agree. They should call it poncey food stuff.

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface Wed 12-Oct-16 17:24:32

I call it fartisan. It really winds people up.

SuramarMom Wed 12-Oct-16 17:27:34

I don't see the word 'artisan' anymore.

I just see 'cunt'.

Oh look...there goes the neighbour with her cunt bread.

What's that you've got there George? Oh I see...cunt croissants.

iPost Wed 12-Oct-16 17:32:01

<hands OP hobnail boots>

Have at it. With my blessing.

Of course. I'm expecting Artisan condoms any day now, mind, if Artisan tampons are on their way grin

Soubriquet Wed 12-Oct-16 17:33:33

Every time I see artisan, I just think of the mnetter who's Dh ate the fat ball thinking it was an artisan scotch egg grin

I remember that grin Isn't it in classics?

Soubriquet Wed 12-Oct-16 17:36:05

Yep!

HardcoreLadyType Wed 12-Oct-16 17:37:00

That's exactly what I thought of, Soubriquet! grin

Also, do you remember the woman who wanted a no shoes house, and had a big basket of artisanal slippers to lend to her guests?

SallyR0se Wed 12-Oct-16 17:37:23

Just got the M&S Christmas Food Catologue. 75 quid for Beef Wellington! I remember when it used to be a normal shop... Before sexy voice "this is M&S food". Hand-finished just means that someone in a factory popped a bit of gold dust on top. Artisan...

StrawberryQuik Wed 12-Oct-16 17:44:16

Actual artisan food tends to be lovely though, had very nice home brewed beer and non eu approved cheese in Italy recently.

There's a thought, I'm a decent baker I could probably bake some cakes for a church etc. cake sale and then call them 'artisan Italian cakes' and make twice the money for charity.

HoneyDragon Wed 12-Oct-16 17:46:03

My local Waitrose puts gold sparkles on the eclairs. I may boycott except I like the ice cream

seminakedinsomebodyelsesroom Wed 12-Oct-16 17:46:28

I'm not even sure I really know what it means?? What does it mean?

AuntieStella Wed 12-Oct-16 17:47:40

I tend to think, when it's a bakery, that artisan means 'really good for your bowels'

All those obscure grains

RubbishMantra Wed 12-Oct-16 17:56:21

I've got an 'artisan' deli at the end of my road. Their 'artisan' bread is always stale. But that's artisan for you! even if you lose a crown biting into it

cozietoesie Wed 12-Oct-16 18:00:12

I'm with semi. What does the word actually mean?

TheInimitableMrsFanshawe Wed 12-Oct-16 18:01:22

Dh and I take the piss out of this sort of thing. A few years ago a new food hall type place opened in our town and lasted about 3 months which had slogans for the various departments inscribed on the walls. Over the bread counter was "artisanally made baked goods". Apparently the phrase "artisan made" wasn't pretentious enough. So now when ever we see something like that it's always "artisanally made" and we snort with derision.

YoungGirlGrowingOld Wed 12-Oct-16 18:04:27

So true - when I see "artisanal" fucking everywhere in our naice village with its poncey food fairs I just think "anal" and snigger like a teenager

<immature emoticon>

PurplePidjin Wed 12-Oct-16 18:07:00

Artisanal. Artis anal.

Nuff said

Madamfrog Wed 12-Oct-16 18:19:39

Artisan is the French word for craftsman, so your plumber, electrician etc are artisans. Artisanal is the adjective. They are used for anything traditionally made by hand rather than industrially by machines eg the product of a microbrewery. I have no idea why it is such a supposed buzzword in English seeing you have perfectly good words of your own that won't make you sound quite so twattish.

TalcAndTurnips Wed 12-Oct-16 18:43:46

My trendy East London chums tell me that Artisan is so last year darlings.

It's Heritage now, so I am told. Started off by the fashion for those green and brown stripey tomatoes in Borough Market, everything must now be made out of Heritage shite if it is worth eating in view of anyone sporting a beard and yak skin flip flops.

I am going to see if I can start the rumour that those in the know pronounce it herreh-tarj. Somebody will bite.

FadedRed Wed 12-Oct-16 18:45:42

It's ironic really, when food production became mechanised, the sales promotion was 'untouched by human hand'. That being seen as far superior in hygiene terms to hand-made.

My personal food related dislike is when I see the TV 'master chefs' handling food, especially hot food, to make it look like some sort of art work before they serve it. Keep your hands off my dinner!

"If the word artisan is written on it I can tread on it repeatedly, yes?"

As long as the boots are artisan boots, HoneyDragon! Hand made by blind craftsmen, from ethically reared, happy childhood cows. winkgrin

TalcAndTurnips Wed 12-Oct-16 18:50:39

Faded grin - there is no doubt that, the more you pay for your dinner, the more it has been fiddled with.

I do insist that my peas are arranged in the shape of Corsica's coastline cos they taste better that way.

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