Is he BU or is the truth better?

(14 Posts)
SandysMam Wed 12-Oct-16 12:49:08

I am cringing and need soothing!!

My partner has just told MIL that the reason I don't visit often is because I don't like FIL. MIL is difficult but ok and I am fond of her, but father in law is racist, sexist and generally horrible. He makes my skin crawl and always says something to offend and the only way to stop him upsetting me is to avoid as much as possible.

After years of mother in law wondering why they hardly see me, the truth is out! Can the truth ever be a good thing or should my partner have just continued to pretend I am always busy?

maxington Wed 12-Oct-16 12:52:11

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user1474627704 Wed 12-Oct-16 12:52:12

The truth is usually a good thing. And they know you aren't always busy.

VoldysGoneMouldy Wed 12-Oct-16 12:55:45

Truth is certainly better, especially in this situation!

gleam Wed 12-Oct-16 13:07:08

At least Mil knows it's not her!

dylsmimi Wed 12-Oct-16 13:08:49

She can't be surprised if his behaviour is bad - can't be the first time it has happened either

HarleyQuinzel Wed 12-Oct-16 13:12:10

Nope in this situation I think it's good that it's out in the open. Being busy is a shit excuse.

AchingBack Wed 12-Oct-16 13:12:47

The truth may hurt but it's always best imo...
We had to be truthful with bil about why we won't leave our kids with him unsupervised (spent over 4 years trying to split me and dh up, making up lies about things I was supposed to have done to him, trying to manipulate the situation so I looked bad and undermining me at every step-why would we leave our children with you bil when you behave like that?) also had to be truthful about why he doesn't get invited to spend days out with us (because every time we have bil-and we've done it plenty, your nice as pie to achingbacks face but then tell mrachingback that she's done x, y & z wrong and expect him to have a go at her on your behalf. No bil amazingly she doesn't feel much good will towards inviting you when we are making memories and we don't see why she should have to feel uncomfortable having you around when you bully her.'

He actually calmed down towards me since then-still a two faced twat but knows better than to show his other face to me or dh so being truthful does work in some cases.

c3pu Wed 12-Oct-16 13:13:53

Honesty may be embarrassing, but I think in this case it's the best policy.

TheNaze73 Wed 12-Oct-16 13:14:19

Truth. Everytime on occasions like this

SandysMam Wed 12-Oct-16 13:22:53

Thank you everyone, I kind of feel relieved, at least I don't have to pretend anymore. He has upset people continuously over the years and they have lost friends and not been invited to events etc frequently. I just feel sad that this may have hurt her feelings as ignorance is often bliss!

Arfarfanarf Wed 12-Oct-16 14:18:11

She knows what he is. It surely wont come as a surprise to her.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat Wed 12-Oct-16 14:20:15

I wonder how she feels about her marriage. I feel so sad for her that FIL is pushing her DIL away. I would want to be so close to a DIL.

SheldonsSpot Wed 12-Oct-16 14:22:42

ignorance is often bliss!

Your MIL certainly isn't ignorant to your FIL's attitudes and behaviours.

More fool her for putting up with it at the cost of losing friends and family and not being invited to events.

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