To be annoyed with OH that we lost rental property

[Andrewsgirl]

So have been looking for rental property for several months so can move in with OH and our children (from previous marriages). Struggled to find anything that's big enough and in the right location. Perfect one came up last Thursday but owners wouldn't rent to us until they had met us as they live next door and wanted to meet us in person. Anyway OH said he was too busy until tomorrow (6 days later) to go and meet them. I was worried we'd lose it and sure enough today they rented it to some one else. I am really upset as I know it's unlikely another one will come up and really not sure what will happen now, I guess my OH will move in to my rented house which is far from ideal location or size wise. We've ended up arguing about it and what's really upset me is the day we saw it he prioritised going out for lunch with his mate down the pub over going to meet the owners and get the rented property sorted. He says he couldn't have predicted this would happen as its been in the market a few months and not rented yet, but there was always a chance someone else would come along. He's got angry with me and said I'm just looking for someone to blame, and blaming him won't achieve anything. But I am angry with him that other things took priority. I know part of his commitment was work things but he has plenty of flexibility with work. I guess I'm angry with myself that I didn't do more to get him to go and see the property. I guess I'm also worried there's an underlying reason he didn't make time to go and see it ! AIBU for being angry that he didn't make the time to go and see the property owners for nearly a week?

[toastytoastbear]

Maybe he doesn't want to move in with you

[Somerville]

Either he has an underlying reason and doesn't want to move in together really. Or he's selfish and thoughtless and you're better off not moving in together.

I would leave the ball in his court for continuing the search - let him use up the brain space and time on house hunting to prove he's really interested (and capable).

[Soubriquet]

He couldn't take 10 mins out of his time to meet his new landlord and secure a property

Wow. I would think twice about moving with him

[StrawberrytallCake]

He's just shown you that moving in together is less important to him than being with his mates. He also possibly gaslighted you there.....I would have a good honest chat to him about it when you've both calmed down.

[TheBouquets]

I would also be worrying about how much he wanted to move in with you if he cant make the effort to meet the Landlord but can be bothered to meet up with a friend for food and booze. I would also wonder about someone who would prioritise food and booze over putting a roof over children, his and your children.
Think I would start running.

[AbyssinianBanana]

So if he moves into yours, is he thinking he will just contribute to utilities but not the rent as you're already paying it?

I'd tell him he will need to do the house hunting as you're not having him move into your existing property. And see if he does anything. That will tell you his intentions.

[Oysterbabe]

Lucky escape. Landlord living next door? No thanks.

[BombadierFritz]

maybe moving in together is not a great idea? abyssinianbanana (what a name!! :) ) has the right idea -get him househunting.

[QuintessentialShadow]

So, it has been on the market a couple of months, but just came on the market Thursday? Which one is it?

Could YOU not gone and seen the landlord?

Does not sound like he wants to move in with you, and his behaviour shows you all you need to know about him and his priorities.....

Lucky escape.

[P1nkP0ppy]

He just isn't interested really is he?
Lucky escape imo, and don't let him move in with you or you'll be stuck with him I was going to say cocklodger tactics

[dalmatianmad]

Doesn't sound like he actually wants to move in with you or he prioritises being at the pub with his mates!
This is probably a wake up call

[FirstShinyRobe]

No, yanbu.

Big but, though. Why didn't you go and see it?

[paddlenorapaddle]

I call cocklodger looking for a housekeeper and some to look after his kids !

Can you imagine the arguments when he can't be arsed to care for them but wait you're at home so what's the problem with you doing ad nauseam

Run for the hills the cosmos did you a favour X

[snakesalive]

Gaslight

[Goingtobeawesome]

Is this the only thing he's done that has upset/annoyed/frustrated you?

..

[Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016]

He sounds committed....
To his current life.

[ImperialBlether]

He sounds really flaky, as though he wouldn't be there when you really needed him.

[icelollycraving]

It sounds like he wasn't bothered about the property. Who suggested living together? Maybe he thought he could just move in with you. I wouldn't be rushing to let him to be honest.

[Andrewsgirl]

Sorry my original post probably didn't explain things well. The house has been on the market to rent for several months but we'd originally discounted it as thought it was too far for school run etc, we both went and saw it and it was great, and decided it was worth the extra time in the car for the right house. If he moved in here we'd already discussed all rent and bills would be shared 50/50 so I have no concerns he's after a free ride or anything. The estate agent showed us both round last week, but the landlord wanted to meet both of us before she would take it off the market. Sorry for any confusion.

[Scarydinosaurs]

He 100% does not care about renting that house with you.

[OliviaStabler]

Sounds like cold feet to me. You come to the final hurdle before securing the place you both like and have seen, but he does not make the effort for a second short visit.

If he was having concerns about the property or moving in together, he should have spoken to you about them. Instead you are rightfully angry and he is turning the tables trying to make you sound like you are being unreasonable.

I agree with a pp; a long, honest chat once you have both calmed down is in order.

[3luckystars]

If both of you had seen it previously, then surely the owners met you both already? Or got info about ye at least. I bet that is a cock and bull story and they are just being choosy who they rent it to.

It sounds like you got a lucky escape, those owners sound like a right pain in the hole and would probably be in and out checking up and annoying you, living next door.

I would thank your partner, he probably did you a favour.

[Andrewsgirl]

Maybe he did do us a favour and the landlords would have been a pain in the backside. The estate agents showed us round not the owner. Also still doesn't change the fact that I am worried his lack of commitment to find time to see the house and sort things is some sort of reflection of a bigger issue. I also feel rubbish because he's made me feel unreasonable for being cross with him for not making the effort to see the house. Sorry not sure that last sentence makes sense!

[Goingtobeawesome]

This man isn't wanting what you want and the sooner you realise that the better you'll feel and you'll get your identity back, Andrewsgirl.