To be a bit annoyed that my SIL does this?

(39 Posts)
Cocklodger Sun 09-Oct-16 10:51:02

My brother has been with her for 4 years, she seems pretty nice all round.
I've never had an issue with her and we go out for coffee every few months for a chat.
Without fail, if I owe her money, she has something to say about it. But its very small amounts of money for example, I didn't have enough 50ps for the parking ticket machine, so I asked if she had one, then bought her a coffee costing £1.50, which I didn't mind doing, as a thank you. Next time she saw me she asked for her 50p back!
Now I hardly shower her with money, but a lot of the time if we're out together I'll get us a sandwich each while we buy our own coffees, or occasionally I'll buy her coffee too. I generally am 2-3 pounds worse off for this, which is fine I wouldn't dream of keeping a tally, But I've noticed that she'll often quibble over small change, Never more than 78p (Yes she asked for it to the penny!)...
AIBU to wonder why someone would do this and AIBU to stop buying things for her? It seems incredibly petty to me but I don't see why I should extend goodwill to her when I get quibbles over 12-78p...

StealthPolarBear Sun 09-Oct-16 10:53:57

I'd just stop buying her stuff

Allalonenow Sun 09-Oct-16 10:59:54

Make sure that you always have enough money with you for your own needs so that you don't have to borrow from her.
Stop buying her sandwiches etc.
Make sure that you split the bill completely fairly with her and only pay for what you have had.

Lilaclily Sun 09-Oct-16 11:00:45

Just meet her at your house or hers ?

rollonthesummer Sun 09-Oct-16 11:01:03

Stop buying her stuff-just get your own!

Cluesue Sun 09-Oct-16 11:01:13

Yep,dont buy her a thing,its the only way to deal with pettiness

ENormaSnob Sun 09-Oct-16 11:02:33

I would probably stop meeting her altogether tbh.

mmmuffins Sun 09-Oct-16 11:02:41

Of course you should stop buying her things.

allegretto Sun 09-Oct-16 11:05:38

I would give her the money and then add "and can YOU give me the £2.23 for the sandwich " or whatever. Hopefully she'll get the message!

Nocabbageinmyeye Sun 09-Oct-16 11:05:47

I'd just stop meeting her altogether if that was me, I can't abide mean people. I get everyone is different and for me it would be weird asking for 50p back at all but I understand everyone is different and technically although I would think her tight she would be right, however, the fact you then bought her coffee/sandwiches makes her mean and tight with a selective memory, I just couldn't get past those horrible traits.

Buy her nothing, take nothing from her and have little or nothing to do with her would be my way forward

girlywhirly Sun 09-Oct-16 11:06:50

Yes, I think you need to make sure you have enough change for parking if in your car, and say something like 'it will be easier if we get our own don't you think?' In the coffee shop. She will soon realise how much she ends up spending, and if she chooses to only have a coffee and no sandwich or cake with it, don't let that put you off or feel you have to offer.

I wonder if she is on a tight budget, or if she isn't good at managing what she has, spending on frivolities and finding herself short? But to me she sounds a bit mean with money. Do you think your brother is aware of this?

WatchingFromTheWings Sun 09-Oct-16 11:09:10

As pp have said, make sure you have the right change for parking, stop buying her food and drink.

Arfarfanarf Sun 09-Oct-16 11:10:00

Stop buying her things.

Clearly she feels there is a difference between buying someone something and asking them for money for something.

I agree with that.

The amounts are trivial and if i were her I'd be embarrassed to even think about it but the principle is the same. And perhaps that's what she sees rather than the amount.

Or maybe you could out petty her and say oh you paid 50p i bought you that coffee for 1. 50 so you owe me a quid.

If nothing else it would be amusing grin

MrsHathaway Sun 09-Oct-16 11:14:37

It could be a cash v card thing, coming from different accounts and different budgets.

If someone asks me for a pound coin, they're making my life difficult for when I'm next at Aldi or the community café. By comparison I'll happily add something to my supermarket shop because I don't pay for that in cash.

That said, I don't understand why you don't just say "you cheeky mare, I gave you back the 50p by buying you coffee".

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia Sun 09-Oct-16 11:17:43

why on earth have you not told her to FRO! ....50p for the ticket vs a coffee and a sandwich

she's having a laugh and needs to be pulled up on it.

Martha75 Sun 09-Oct-16 11:21:06

You could just say 'I paid for coffee/sandwich last time, it's your turn this time', if she says anything then just pay for your own in future.

Are they very hard up?

NoCapes Sun 09-Oct-16 11:23:36

Do you actually give her the random amount of money back?
I think I'd just laugh and say something like - you're joking right? It's 12p!!
Make her see how ridiculous she's being
Don't start being petty back, then she'll think her behaviour is reasonable

NataliaOsipova Sun 09-Oct-16 11:29:38

You aren't being unreasonable. Out of interest, does she ever buy you a coffee? Some people like to be very strict about money. Generally with friends I regularly meet up with, I will buy one time and they will buy another - so we wouldn't tot up a 50p parking ticket, or if one of us has a croissant as well etc etc. It works out over time. That said, I also have a friend who will always - nicely - insist on buying her own. Also absolutely fine - it's not unfriendly, we always know where we are and neither of us is of pocket if I go out together. The problem you seem to have is that you're falling between the two and always to your disadvantage. I agree with the pp who says to stop buying her coffees, cakes etc. Take the view of my friend mentioned above and prefer to buy your own. You don't need to make a big deal of it. Don't go into a coffee shop and ask "What are we having?" Let her go first in the queue. Let her order her own and pay for it. She's then set the precedent and you're following.

Cocklodger Sun 09-Oct-16 11:33:02

I know they're saving for a house deposit, but if they were in hardship I'd probably know about it (Very close knit families and I'm always asked to help when shit hits the fan ). I'm considering not meeting her altogether because it just seems ridiculous to me. I've always given the money back when asked because I've felt a bit awkward with it tbh

Sparklesilverglitter Sun 09-Oct-16 11:37:36

Ahh I hate this kind of stuff, it just makes me cringe

Who, just who cares that much about 50p.

Next time when she was saying about her 50p, I'd have to say are you being serious it's 50p?

I meet some friends for coffee regularly and I pay one time them the next and I wouldn't dream of saying oh x can I have that 50p for parking 4 weeks ago

Sparklesilverglitter Sun 09-Oct-16 11:38:32

Saving for a house deposit of not, all that fuss of 78p is ridiculous

Maybe she'd be better off not going out, it doesn't sound fun

tofutti Sun 09-Oct-16 11:38:53

If you otherwise enjoy her company, keep meeting her but, as PP said, ensure you have plenty of change so you only pay for your own.

Are you always the one driving? Could you arrange to meet her next time?

People who happily let me give them a lift and then don't offer a bit towards parking annoy me.

Choochootrain47 Sun 09-Oct-16 11:41:36

Oh how cringe!

My old mum always says, " lending someone less that a fiver you can't ask for it back"

Buying a house of not, there is no need for all that fuss over 50/78p. If she's like that why does she go it doesn't sound fun

Could you always make sure you have the right money and always order your own coffee/sandwich then you'll never owe her anything

Batteriesallgone Sun 09-Oct-16 11:43:51

Not meeting her altogether over small bits of change seems as petty as her (selectively) keeping track. Just pay seperately, it doesn't have to be a big deal.

Obsidian77 Sun 09-Oct-16 11:50:17

In my experience people like this are spectacularly selfish and not just about money. They have an amazing ability to overlook the thousand and one things you do for them and to feel aggrieved about the or time they lent you 50p.
If someone drives me to the shops I always offer to pay for parking because they are the one paying for petrol, car running costs etc.
As for your SiL, as other pps have suggested, plan ahead to carry cash and make sure you always pay for your own. If she's going to be a part of your life for a long time it's in everyone's interests to either accept her idiosyncrasies and let it go or find a way around it.

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