To ask why evening invitations to weddings are considered rude/ cold?

(410 Posts)
LucyLot Sat 08-Oct-16 22:23:43

I am getting married at Christmas time. We can have 140 guests to the full day but both have large ish families and actually there are a lot of people we want to invite but can't afford to have at the full meal so we have had to go through the list and we have an additional 40 or so we are inviting to the evening do.

This number includes some cousins, work friends etc. We still really value these people we just had to draw the line somewhere. MIL seems to think offering an evening invitation is an insult. We are only giving people evening invitations of they live locally (in the same city).

Personally I don't see the problem- we will be inviting them to a party with a hot buffet, cake and some free champagne, what's wrong with that! We are not asking for gifts.

Would anyone here be offended to receive an evening invitation?

phillipp Sat 08-Oct-16 22:25:23

I don't know anyone who has ever been offended at receiving an evening only.

It wouldn't bother me.

sparechange Sat 08-Oct-16 22:27:22

You'll get a split...
MN is divided between those who read the words 'evening invitation' as 'I don't like you enough to pay £100 for a main meal' rather than 'I'd love you to come for dancing, buffet and booze'

I personally have no issue with them, but you'll get some idiots quoting debretts at you, and being professionally offended

KindergartenKop Sat 08-Oct-16 22:27:41

It's not offensive at all. However, don't be annoyed if people don't want to travel from far and wide for some sausages and a disco.

TheSnorkMaidenReturns Sat 08-Oct-16 22:28:02

They're not rude. Most people understand fully. A few people get upset when they discover they are not in that closest circle of friends.

We once got an evening invitation and were upgraded in the last week to full guest. We were delighted! Didn't feel second class at all.

glitterandtinsel Sat 08-Oct-16 22:28:04

I was worried people would think they weren't important enough to be there for the whole day.

Redglitter Sat 08-Oct-16 22:29:05

I'd only be offended at getting an evening invite to a close friends wedding. For a colleague, distant relative or acquaintance I wouldn't expect anything else. Evening only invites are fine

Lelloteddy Sat 08-Oct-16 22:30:25

I'd rather be there for the ceremony or not at all. I wouldn't be offended but I just don't see the point of evening only invites.

edwinbear Sat 08-Oct-16 22:30:56

I'm always thrilled to be invited to share such a special day, whatever part of the day I'm invited to. I've also always taken a present as an evening only guest. I've never felt the slightest bit offended.

mamaduckbone Sat 08-Oct-16 22:32:37

I don't understand why they wouldn't be fine. I've been to lots of evening receptions and never been offended.

SallyR0se Sat 08-Oct-16 22:37:57

Some folk get miffed that they have to travel / buy an outfit / give a gift / book a hotel just for sausages & a disco (as KK said). They're not getting as much value out of the wedding as other guests. And they don't even get to see the.ceremony...
Personally, we prefer an evening invitation as we just want to go to the party. I haven't much interest in the rest of it, especially the food. Although I always enjoy the ceremony, as it's lovely to see friends getting hitched. Everyone will feel differently!

jellybeans Sat 08-Oct-16 22:39:02

Not rude at all as long as they are fairly local. I wouldn't travel hours for it.

Vvlgari Sat 08-Oct-16 22:39:03

I dislike the tit for tat mentality a lot of people seem to have around weddings.

We invited some of DH's distant relatives to the evening do of our wedding. There was food, entertainment, a free bar and we had given them details of nearby b&bs.

Three years later, we were invited to their evening do, which was fine, but it was on a Tuesday in a rural area 200 miles from us. We had to pay £400 for the hotel, take two days off work and when we arrived after a three hour drive, there was no food for the evening guests. The only evening guests were us.

I wish we had just politely refused.

bumsexatthebingo Sat 08-Oct-16 22:40:01

It's rude imo. We only had guests for the whole day. When you send an evening only invitation you are basically saying that it wasn't worth saving up/finding a venue that would accommodate them for the whole event. Having said that all manner and consideration for others seem to go out of the window where weddings are concerned. Imagine hosting any other event with 2 tiers of invitation where you give guests a list of what is acceptable to buy you or a request for cash with the invitation!

LockedOutOfMN Sat 08-Oct-16 22:40:55

Wouldn't be offended unless it was in another country (requiring us to fly there).

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es Sat 08-Oct-16 22:41:03

I'm always happy to receive an invitation to the evening reception, it's always nice to be invited to a party. I've never heard anyone in real life take offence either.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Sat 08-Oct-16 22:41:05

Not offensive if it's local. I think people get offended when it's going to cost £50+ for a taxi, £100+ for a new dress, £50+ for a gift and £100+ for drinks because you've picked somewhere that charges £7.50 for a small glass of wine.

Oh and please make a point of spending a bit of time with the evening guests, the all day guests have had all day to talk to you. Don't get too drunk too early to appreciate your evening guests. And don't have tables set up as they were for the meals or your evening guests will have to huddle round the edges as your all day guests will have "bagged" their seats.

<bitter experience>

LockedOutOfMN Sat 08-Oct-16 22:41:52

Hit return too soon...we were invited to an evening reception in another country (not the country where the bride and groom or their families live, by the way). We weren't actually offended. Just a bit baffled. We declined politely.

WatchingFromTheWings Sat 08-Oct-16 22:42:20

I had one friend refuse to come to my evening do. She found out other friends (whom I'd known far longer and was closer to) had been invited for the day and evening. She pouted.....we didn't even get a reply to the invite! She wasn't the only one who had an evening only invite but the only one who took offence.

swimmerforlife Sat 08-Oct-16 22:44:34

I don't see a problem either with evening dos if they are local, we invited people to the evening do only and like you say, you have to draw the line somewhere. I love an evening do, booze, dancing and free buffet.

Just make sure things like speeches don't run over time etc which means the evening guests are waiting in bar or worse outside in the freezing cold for hours still bitter 10 years later

CremeEggThief Sat 08-Oct-16 22:44:36

I've been invited to evening dos by people who I consider as acquaintances: friends of then-husband's from a mutual hobby; nneighbours we hadn't known very long, etc. I have been pleased to have been thought of; certainly not offended. YANBU to think it's fine.

0pti0na1 Sat 08-Oct-16 22:45:12

If I'm invited to a wedding, I'd like to see the couple get married, which isn't the case for an evening-only invitation.

Rubies12345 Sat 08-Oct-16 22:49:46

Is your MIL from another country/culture? Evening only is not a thing in some countries.

SheldonCRules Sat 08-Oct-16 22:50:02

I dislike evening only invites, to me they say you're not important enough to see the actual wedding ceremony but we still want a gift so will invite you to a tiny part.

Spookybitch Sat 08-Oct-16 22:51:42

I think it depends on the set-up. We recently went to a wedding of DHs colleague where there weren't any seats for evening guests, very little food (theyd all eaten at four, we were invited for six) and the bride and groom made it fairly clear that they were only interested in the main party.

I've been to plenty of other evening parties though where there was sufficient food, the bride and groom are delighted to see you etc etc.

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