Negative friend; AIBU?

(15 Posts)
tabbykittensmiaow Fri 07-Oct-16 17:17:28

I have been friends with my friend since we started secondary school together, so many (!) years. I think she's always been quite prone to being a bit sullen and negative but just lately it's really bothering me and I don't know why.

She had her first baby, a little boy, six months ago and I think I first started noticing it then. She was pregnant over the summer and I know (believe me) how wiped out and fed up early pregnancy makes you feel as I was exactly the same but she just kept complaining about 'not having done' anything with her summer, even though she'd had two UK breaks and had been to Italy.

Over the course of the last year, she's had her baby and moved to a gorgeous home yet it's like nothing is enough. She focuses and complains relentlessly about tiny things without considering the bigger picture. Like - the garden is so big it's hard to mow, the house needs painting, she doesn't want to go back to work. I know a little moan about all the above is fair enough but like I say it's just relentless.

I also feel really unsupported, because I really have had some shit thrown at me over the last two and a half years yet it just gets lost in complaints about traffic jams and colds.

I feel horrible and disloyal but AIBU?

Ausernotanumber Fri 07-Oct-16 17:20:05

Have you thought she might have pnd?

tabbykittensmiaow Fri 07-Oct-16 17:21:12

I have, yes, but since she's been like this for a while I don't think it is that.

I think it's just she's got more things to moan about.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Fri 07-Oct-16 17:22:24

YANBU. Some people are emotional drains. If she supports you when you need it then it can be OK. If not, back away quietly.

BillSykesDog Fri 07-Oct-16 17:23:33

PND can last for a long time after birth.

The80sweregreat Fri 07-Oct-16 17:24:13

Tabby, we all know people like this i think. She sounds very self absorbed. Its hard going but not much you can do. . I think a lot of friendships do burn out a bit when children appear too. Sorry you've had a bad time yourself lately. the key to being a good friend is listening to each others woes and worriesand that doesnt always happen unfortunately. I hope things improve! Not much advice there, hope someone can come along with something better.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Fri 07-Oct-16 17:24:20

My DSis would say this is a person who "will always look for the cloud when she has a silver lining"

Daydream007 Fri 07-Oct-16 17:32:30

YANBU. People like this are draining. Don't let her drain you.

tabbykittensmiaow Fri 07-Oct-16 17:32:51

Run yes I think that describes her!

I feel awful because she is lovely and can be funny in a deprecating way and we've been through a lot.

But I am feeling drained.

Bill, I know, and I wouldn't even be surprised if it was PND as her baby is only 6 months but it's really nothing new. I think I've always made excuses for her but I'm really getting fed up now.

LozzaChops101 Fri 07-Oct-16 17:47:42

Mood hoover! I have a similar friend. Best you can do is just back off a little and give yourself a break I think, if you can.

JellyBelli Fri 07-Oct-16 17:49:02

If you are feeling that way, then take a risk and say something to her about it. Either she will take it on board, or she will wig out.

VoldysGoneMouldy Fri 07-Oct-16 17:58:03

Some people are just more negative. That's just the way they are. Some people feel stress harsher than others, and that's okay. But it's also okay for you to not being able to take any more of it.

EdmundCleverClogs Fri 07-Oct-16 18:09:43

I have a friend like this, it's hard bloody work. They seems almost to go out of their way to find things to moan about, it's draining. I tend to point out the positives in their life, if that doesn't work then I give them 'space' for a few days (give me a chance to get my energy back).

tabbykittensmiaow Fri 07-Oct-16 18:15:56

I never know how to back away from people though.

I think if I raised it with her the friendship would be over.

Dozer Fri 07-Oct-16 18:19:41

She might (or might not) have a MH issue that predates pregnancy and motherhood. Might be overwhelmed.

A new home (however lovely) and baby is a massive deal and stressful. Returning to work planning ditto.

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