to just want the mum-gulit to end?

(40 Posts)
IceBeing Fri 07-Oct-16 12:53:19

Saw a post on facebook saying that children inherit their intelligence more from their mothers than their fathers....and I swear I am sitting here feeling guilty for polluting my DD's genes with my shitty ones.

Please tell me there is a way to stop the endless mum-guilt? In the last week I have felt guilty for: letting her have a belgian bun, not letting her buy ALL the halloween tat, not asking her to read with me, not taking her swimming because I had a dodgy stomach, failing to hide my fear comprehensively enough when de-wasping her arm, and letting her finally watch Frozen after 2 years of badgering - because she still got scared in the middle.

PLEASE just make it STOP.

liz70 Fri 07-Oct-16 12:56:08

You need to stop taking any notice of shite on Facebook.

IceBeing Fri 07-Oct-16 12:57:10

its not even scientifically relevant shite on facebook....but its my reaction to it that is more wrong.

Like I have guilt reflex on hair trigger.

Scholes34 Fri 07-Oct-16 13:17:52

It doesn't stop. It's what happens when you're a mum. Our own mums are probably still feeling guilty about a whole host of things right now.

acasualobserver Fri 07-Oct-16 14:51:15

Now you've gone and made me want a belgian bun.

IceBeing Fri 07-Oct-16 14:56:41

grin I am an arse like that...but oddly I don't feel guilty...so just a mum guilt issue for me....

arethereanyleftatall Fri 07-Oct-16 15:12:24

None of those things detailed on your op are anytging to feel guilty over.
And, for someone who claims they're not intelligent, you write very well, so I expect that's not true either.

IceBeing Fri 07-Oct-16 15:36:03

hmm..an internal enquiry reveals that actually the guilt mostly comes from my DH. He was pissed that DD got scared, annoyed she'd had a bun and he's the super smart one whose intelligence genes are being overruled by my supposed duffers.....

I need a grip...usually MN provides those?

DerekSprechenZeDick Fri 07-Oct-16 15:37:29

Here's a grip...

I have no guilt what so ever in any aspect of parenting. I'm doing my self and child just has to deal with it grin

accidentalpirate Fri 07-Oct-16 15:39:41

Now I feel guilty because I have not a shred of this "mum guilt". should I be wallowing in it? My child is out with his granny and I'm lounging in bed. grin

stitchglitched Fri 07-Oct-16 15:39:42

Why wasn't she allowed to watch Frozen for 2 years and what's wrong with a bun? I'm currently slobbing on the sofa whilst my two kids eat pombears and watch RoadChip. No guilt here!

accidentalpirate Fri 07-Oct-16 15:40:41

Yes stitch! Naps all round for the win!

couldntlovethebearmore Fri 07-Oct-16 15:42:22

'Mum guilt' ???
YABVVVVU for inventing another bollocks twee phrase

Mishegoss Fri 07-Oct-16 15:44:14

You need to calm down! Seriously. You'll drive yourself insane. Step away from Facebook.

unlimiteddilutingjuice Fri 07-Oct-16 15:48:24

People that worry to your extent are typically very intelligent so don't worry about that! You need to make like Elsa and "Let it gooo!"
No idea how though, easier said than done.
Sound like you are doing a great job though. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.

Aderyn2016 Fri 07-Oct-16 15:49:26

Your dh is the problem here. When you are looking after dd, how you parent her is your business. When he is primarily responsible then he can decide whether she gets a bun or not. It is not his place to undermine perfectly reasonable parenting decisions made by you.

Tell him to wind his neck in and I suspect this 'mum guilt' will wear off. Frankly, if there is a choice between dd being like you or your h, I'd prefer she was like you.

myownprivateidaho Fri 07-Oct-16 15:50:08

I swear I am sitting here feeling guilty for polluting my DD's genes with my shitty ones.

You sound like you have desperately low self esteem. Of course this is not a rational way to feel. I'm sorry you are feeling like this. Honestly, when I've this down on myself anti-depressants have helped.

TheColonelAdoresPuffins Fri 07-Oct-16 15:50:18

My dd is more like my dh than me re intelligence. She is stronger at a subject i was weaker in and she is weaker at a subject i was stronger in.

DollyBarton Fri 07-Oct-16 15:50:23

I'll admit. I don't feel guilty about much. My kids are lucky Sods in general.

Feeling mildly guilty that I don't feel guilty.

Just kidding! I don't feel guilty.

unlimiteddilutingjuice Fri 07-Oct-16 15:51:35

Ooh just read the whole thread. Looks like a DH problem more than a mummyguilt problem. Is this going to be another one of those threads that start with an innocuous problem and end with us telling you to ltb?

Stopyourhavering Fri 07-Oct-16 15:59:00

The research this paper relates to was done on mice, so any relevance to human mothers is pure conjecture ( and I've a friend who's head of genome research , so he should know!!)
Once again the keyboard warriors dump guilt on mothers

CocktailQueen Fri 07-Oct-16 16:00:28

the guilt mostly comes from my DH. He was pissed that DD got scared, annoyed she'd had a bun and he's the super smart one whose intelligence genes are being overruled by my supposed duffers.....

Hold on just a cotton-picking moment! So it your DH who's giving you these messages? Is he actually blaming you for all these things? Then you have a DH problem, not a mummy guilt problem. He sounds like an arse.

You can't help having an upset tummy. What's wrong with a Belgian bun? Some kids do get scared in films, but you will only find this out by watching the film. And has he actually been telling you he's brighter than you? What a cock.

accidentalpirate Fri 07-Oct-16 16:03:48

I'd rather be a bit thick and nice than super intelligent and a cock to be honest.

SatsukiKusakabe Fri 07-Oct-16 16:05:04

I mainly feel guilty for polluting the children's genes with dh's, usually after his latest malapropism - start thinking that way, you'll be a lot happier grin

My two year old needed a filling at her first dental appointment. I felt horrifically guilty for not brushing properly/being too lax on the sweets, until the dentist said her teeth were in great condition but one had just come out that way. Cue thinking I'd somehow screwed up the enamel growing stage of pregnancy.

It must be a normal mechanism to make sure you are constantly thinking about how to take care of your offspring and ensure their safety; but it shouldn't be more than a fleeting thought. If it's worrying you genuinely then GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK.(in capitals in case you skim the rest, it is a bit wordy)

WankersHacksandThieves Fri 07-Oct-16 16:05:25

Being intelligent isn't always a blessing anyway. Being able to get along with people and having confidence are far better qualities to have.

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