Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

AIBU?

To feel a bit humiliated by his reaction

195 replies

gembran · 06/10/2016 00:20

At work today was sitting with a group of people I normally sit with, 5 work friends I guess you could call them - been in the job just over a month and we all started together. All seem really nice. It's a grad scheme so almost has a university freshers feel to it, we're all young and have fun together in our free time.

I was idly chatting about wanting to use my languages more in the workplace. One guy in the group also speaks the same foreign language as I do, both as a second language. I asked him if he got much of a chance to practise and must have looked keen ("I'm loooking for someone to practise with" hint hint) as two of my friends burst out laughing (nicely) and slightly took the mickey, insinuating that I wanted him to do it. Was good-natured though!

He kind of stammered and then said something about how his girlfriend had just started to learn a new language, obviously just trying to shoehorn her name into conversation and make it clear he wasn't available! Feel mortified as I definitely don't fancy him and don't find him attractive in that way at all - was just being friendly and chatty. He then returned to being bantery and friendly

OP posts:

Report

gembran · 06/10/2016 00:22

I just feel embarrassed that my kindness has been misconstrued. Also that he felt the need to warn me off Not to sound really bitchy but he is an average guy (I'm nothing v special) but really do just see him as a friend!! Do I need to adapt my behaviour?!?

OP posts:

Heirhelp · 06/10/2016 00:22

I think you are completely over thinking this.

Heirhelp · 06/10/2016 00:25

If you feel the need ask some polite questions about his girl friend. Eg If you know he has seen a film with the girl friend ask did you and x enjoy the film last night?

TopazRocks · 06/10/2016 00:28

Blimey, it sounds like he overreacted. Are you terribly young? You shouldn't over think it. Nor should your colleague/s.

Starbright10 · 06/10/2016 00:30

His overreaction - you did nothing wrong!

Bloopbleep · 06/10/2016 00:37

It's hard not to overthink these situations but don't feel embarrassed about his misunderstanding. I'd have responded quite bluntly "I don't want to shag you, just to have a conversation" - puts him on the back foot and returns the humiliation to his court.

gembran · 06/10/2016 00:41

Thanks. This is going to make me sound like an arrogant bitch but he isn't very attractive, I'm objectively fairly attractive (i think) Not that it matters but it stings that he was so awkward about it!

OP posts:

LouisvilleLlama · 06/10/2016 00:50

Gem I know you said it doesn't matter but it comes across a little ( to me) that you are more thinking of this more as you're somewhat embarrassed because even if it had been a mistake, its a little insulting to you because you are better looking than him.

" it was a misunderstanding, but even so I'm the better looking of us i wouldn't be interested!"

gembran · 06/10/2016 00:52

Louisville argh that wasn't what I meant And I don't simply mean attractive in terms of looks (not to blow own trumpet), just e.g. Being chatty, friendly etc. I guess what I'm trying to say is why did he seem so hideously put-off at the thought of us having a bloody chat when I'm not that terrible-looking anyway?

OP posts:

Heirhelp · 06/10/2016 01:00

He may have just worried that you might think he is flirting with you, his girl friend maybe possessive, he may want the world to know he had a girl friend, he maybe socially awkward or a million other reasons which have nothing to do with you.

In the nicest possible way, this probably has nothing to do with you. I would not spend anymore time thinking about it.

TopazRocks · 06/10/2016 01:07

OP, I hope you aren't going to tell us you are 'bubbly'. Sorry!

Sunshineonacloudyday · 06/10/2016 01:09

Oh God really get over yourself he was just making conversation with you. I think he should modify his behaviour with you if you are that sensitive.

gembran · 06/10/2016 01:10

No not bubbly I do think I can scrub up well but equally I'm chatty with everyone at work and easygoing. So that is what I mean re attractive.

OP posts:

gembran · 06/10/2016 01:10

What sunshine?!

OP posts:

Sunshineonacloudyday · 06/10/2016 01:12

why did he seem so hideously put-off at the thought of us having a bloody chat

Maybe he is not overly confident in social situations not everyone is.

gembran · 06/10/2016 01:14

He is witty and normally very confident.

OP posts:

Sunshineonacloudyday · 06/10/2016 01:19

What are you worried about it was a joke you was having with him and you feel uneasy with the response. How should he have responded to you. Don't tell jokes if you can't handle it.

dovesong · 06/10/2016 01:46

Urgh. Hate things like this. Why do men so often think that friendliness means we want to drag them off to our dark lairs and have our wicked way with them? In your dreams, mate.

LouisvilleLlama · 06/10/2016 01:59

yes dovesong how dare he mention who he practices with. He should have just done one of the following:

yeah I practice with someone, but I can't tell you who
what second language? Me?
ignored her.
4)changed the subject

Yes how does he have the audacity to answer her question Into a usual amount of detail. It's OP reading too much into this not him by her posts, in fact as I've already posted to mr it reads the other way.

dovesong · 06/10/2016 02:04

Alright LouisvilleLlama, that's your opinion and fair enough, I was talking to the op and not attempting to devalue what you said in any way so there's no need to be snippy with me.

WanderingTrolley1 · 06/10/2016 02:07

He bruised your ego and that's why you are "mortified".

SoTheySentMeA · 06/10/2016 02:13

You're over thinking it OP. Best to just let it go. It doesn't matter what he thought and your friends sound childish.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

LouisvilleLlama · 06/10/2016 02:15

Dovesong I only referenced my post as it was easier to do that and repost it all. It's just I don't understand how It comes across that he wanted anything more than friendship is all, and I probably was a bit more snappy than intended so I do apologise

dovesong · 06/10/2016 02:23

LouisvilleLlama I appreciate that, thank you! I hope I wasn't snippy in response.

I think in my first post I was just slightly irritated because when being friendly to men I either find that they get flirty in response or immediately mention a girlfriend, and although I know that wasn't really op's point, it is frustrating because I like having male friends and it's hard to know how to go about getting them these days when it's immediately assumed that all you're after is a date!

Broken1Girl · 06/10/2016 02:56

That does seem like a strange reaction. Even if you had asked him to practice with you, so what? It wasn't an invitation to shag each other senseless.
I don't get why some people don't believe men and women can have platonic friendships. It's quite immature and pathetic really.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.